ABOUT THE AUTHOR Andrew Maxfield is director of the Influencer Institute, a private operating foundation that seeks to increase humanity’s capacity to change for good. Atilano, a new friend of mine in Mexico, smiles while he delivers bottled water from his bicycle to nearby homes and businesses. His is a small business by nearly every standard, yet it is a powerful component of his escape route from poverty. And it’s working. But that’s only half of the story. It turns out that there are several behaviors besides increasing income that lead a person to the outcome of a reliable financial surplus, and, eventually, to permanently improved economic conditions. Can you imagine what one of those behaviors is? You probably already know the answer—and it isn’t an exciting one. The behavior is: regularly write down every amount of money you take in and spend. People who make a habit (the intersection of ability and reliability) of regular financial record keeping know exactly how much they earn, exactly how much they spend, and can therefore take action if there is an imbalance between the two. Our work with small business mentoring organizations in Latin America verifies this fact: their very poor clients who start small businesses and keep daily financial records manage to escape poverty over time, sometimes rapidly. Those who start businesses but are sloppy with record keeping or neglect it entirely, may never get ahead—and often don’t. So here’s the rub, and it’s probably familiar: what if an all-important behavior is mundane? What if it’s dull, inconvenient, or psychologically painful? This is where we can all learn from Atilano. It’s true that the act of record keeping might be tiresome if you view it as taking away from income-generating work, family time, or whatever you’d rather be doing. But Atilano thinks of his kids and the example he’s setting. He reminds himself of the "why" behind the task. Believe it or not, he considers his ledgers a personal diary—evidence of his hard work and dedication to his family. Taken in that light, record keeping can be a celebration of sorts, a happy daily ritual. Can you think of a way to reconnect the task you routinely avoid to what you care about most? Can you link it to your values and vision and to people you care about? Finding the thread that links what you must do to the grander vision of why you do it can help drum up the motivation you need to do an unpleasant task. Of course, your personal motivation isn’t everything; you also need skills, tools, and social support—and those factors unquestionably contribute to Atilano’s successes. However, you and I can take a big step forward in our efforts to influence ourselves and others when we deliberately find meaning in life’s mundane but vital tasks. Related posts: Influencer Institute: Beating Poverty One Vital Behavior at a Time Influencer Institute: Introducing the Influencer Institute—And a Call to Action! Finding Fault with the Facts

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kerry Patterson is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, A couple of my employees tend to get all the other staff in an uproar. They constantly turn people against each other and pick on the newbies. How can I address my employees’ tendency to "stir the pot" and help them recognize the harm they’re doing to our work environment? Mitigating Harm  Dear Mitigating, Thanks for this interesting and important question. We’re often asked how to give feedback to direct reports who act in ways that cause problems. Sometimes these challenging individuals are described as having "bad chemistry" with their coworkers. On other occasions, they’re labeled "hard to work with," "troublesome," or even worse. In this case, the individuals in question cause uproars, turn people against each other, stir the pot, and pick on newbies. As their supervisor, it’s your job to do something about the bad behavior. But what? At first glance, suggesting that the individuals in question cause an uproar or turn people against each other may sound like a description of what they do, when, in fact, these particular words describe the effect not the cause. They behave in some particular way to cause an uproar or turn people against each other, but it’s impossible to decipher from these expressions alone which from millions of possible behaviors they enact. If you expect the individuals in question to improve, they’ll need to change their behaviors—swapping out the old and replacing them with new. As a leader, you’ll need to adeptly describe, in detail, what they’re currently doing to cause an uproar and the other effects you’ve described. Describing behaviors requires an understanding of exactly what the offending parties do along with the ability to describe their behavior in a way that is crystal clear. You have to see what others actually do and then metaphorically hold up a mirror so they can see what they need to change. This can get complicated. When you suggest that the problem employees "stir the pot," the metaphor masks the actual actions they take. If you tell them they "stir the pot," they might know what you’re hinting at and change, but it seems unlikely. The same is true with expressions like "picking on newbies." You include a verb that hints of certain behaviors, but alas, also leaves a lot to the imagination. When I talk with people facing similar challenges and ask them to provide the behaviors (causes) behind the effects or vague conclusion they describe to me, they often can’t. Their conclusions are firm: "They constantly stir the pot." That part they feel strongly about, but when I probe for detail, they aren’t able to describe the behaviors the other person enacts. They remember their emotional reaction far more clearly than the actions that took them there. For instance, when trying to help a supervisor with a salesman who was "socially backward," I asked for a detailed description of what the salesman did. The supervisor explained that he was "a nerd, a geek—you know, a dweeb." The supervisor knew what he had concluded about the fellow, and was able to come up with synonyms, but couldn’t describe any actual behaviors. So I asked him, "The last time he did something you thought was nerdy, what exactly did he do?" "He looked like he had no confidence in what he was saying," the supervisor responded. (Also a vague conclusion.) "And what made him appear unconfident to you?" I continued to probe. "He stared at the floor. He started a sentence three different times. He spoke in a low voice. The minute the person disagreed, he backed off even though he was correct . . ." and so forth. At last, behaviors the other person might be able to recognize and replace. This is what the salesman needed to hear and correct. Most of us use shorthand negative adjectives along with vague outcomes when talking with others because such simple expression often works for us. "Quit teasing your brother!" you bark to your son. He knows exactly what he’s doing and what to do instead. He knows because you’ve told him before—focusing on his actual actions. "Yes, I know you said his new shirt was cool, but you said it in a sing-song tone and rolled your eyes—and that appeared insincere." You’ve described several versions of "teasing" to your son, so now when he does it, you can address it in shorthand. However, with direct reports, where we don’t have a long history and the specialized code that comes with it, we need to carefully observe others in actions, take note of the actual behaviors that aren’t working, share those in a direct and non-punitive way, check to see if they understood us, and then talk about replacement behaviors. I’m assuming you’ve watched your direct reports in action and have a whole list of undesirable actions they take, so you’re ready to hold a discussion in a way that will be helpful. Start by holding separate conversations—one with each employee. Privacy is essential. Select no more than one or two of the areas you’d like to talk about. You don’t want to overwhelm the other person. Start by describing the undesirable behavior and what you’d like to see instead. Share three or four example actions and take special care to focus on their behaviors, not your conclusions. Share actions you’ve personally observed—hopefully recently. Open the conversation for questions. Ask the other person if he or she sees it differently, and jointly develop a plan of action. Obviously, there’s a lot that goes into such a feedback discussion. Today, I chose to focus on one element that can turn a painful and vague discussion into a helpful feedback session. Focus on behaviors. Become skilled at both observing and describing them. Know the difference between a behavior and a result or conclusion. Help the other person see what he or she is doing, not merely what you think about him or her. Kerry Related posts: Finding Fault with the Facts Confronting a Coworker’s Temper Tantrums Confronting Destructive and Manipulative Behavior

According to our recent poll, social networks are becoming increasingly hostile, with 78 percent of users reporting rising incivility online and two in five blocking, unsubscribing, or "unfriending" someone over an argument on social media. Specific findings include: 76 percent have witnessed an argument over social media 19 percent have decreased in-person contact with someone because of something they said online 88 percent believe people are less polite on social media than in person 81 percent say the difficult or emotionally charged conversations they have held over social media remain unresolved Social media platforms aren’t the problem, it’s how people are using them that is causing a degradation of dialogue that has potential to destroy our most meaningful personal relationships. Here are five tips for communicating both candidly and respectfully on social media: Check your motives. Social media hasn’t only changed the way we communicate, it has modified our motives. Ask yourself, "Is my goal to get lots of ‘likes’ (or even provoke controversy)?" or "Do I want healthy dialogue?" Replace hot words. If your goal is to make a point rather than score a point, replace "hot" words that provoke offense with words that help others understand your position. For example, replace "that is idiotic" with "I disagree for the following reasons . . ." Pause to put emotions in check. Never post a comment when you’re feeling emotionally triggered. Never! If you wait four hours you’re likely to respond differently. Agree before you disagree. It’s fine to disagree, but don’t point out your disagreement until you acknowledge areas where you agree. Often, arguers agree on 80 percent of the topic but create a false sense of conflict when they spend all their time arguing over the other 20 percent. Trust your gut. When reading a response to your post and you feel the conversation is getting too emotional for an online exchange—you’re right! Stop. Take it offline. Or better yet, face-to-face. For additional advice, including ten things NOT to do when communicating via social media, download our free e-book, "When Crucial Conversations Go Social: How to Handle Heated Discussions via Social Media." Related posts: Antisocial Networks? Hostility on social media rising for 78 percent of users Antisocial Networks? Crucial Applications: How to Hold Slacking Coworkers Accountable

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I was recently elected leader of a 30,000 person district in Kenya and my leadership is under threat. For the last three weeks, we have had constant rainfall here. There is water everywhere, rivers have burst their banks, crops have washed away, most roads and bridges have been cut away, and several school buildings and homes have been blown away. Quite a number of deaths have been reported in the process, and most families’ homes no longer offer a good environment for living, as water is oozing through their ground floors. Soon, a malaria outbreak will follow as a result of mosquito bites. Too much water means crop failures and is the beginning of real hunger! Some begin to question or threaten my leadership. What immediate solution can you give me to lead under such a situation? Signed, Leadership Crisis  Dear Leadership, Kenya is a second home to me. I have met some remarkable leaders in your country from whom I’ve learned a great deal about human influence. I am happy to hear of your concern for the people you have been asked to serve. I have some very strong opinions about what you need to do to make a difference and solidify your support at this critical time. In times of threat, people need to know two things from their leaders: You care about my problems. You are competent to help. When people believe these two things about you, they trust you. If people trust your motives and your ability, you have their support. Now, that’s easier said than done. When everything is broken, what do you do first? How do you show your concern when 1,000 things need attention? If you go to work on five of them, those who feel the most pain about the other 995 will think you don’t care. Furthermore, if you try to work on too many things, you will squander your finite resources while making little progress—thus undermining trust. So what can you do? When Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf was re-elected as president of Liberia, the country was in a precarious situation. But she did three things that influenced trust in a remarkable way: 1. Go on a listening campaign. Be visible. Be accessible. Listen a lot. Empathize. Do your best to develop a theory of which problems you should address first. This step must not take so much time that people see you as politicking rather than taking action. However, it is crucial not just that you understand people’s concerns, but that they believe you understand. 2. Prioritize. Having listened deeply, set a small number of concrete and time-bound goals. When President Johnson-Sirleaf finished her listening campaign, she announced some very specific commitments she would complete in the first 150 days. If your community is smaller, you may want to set a tighter timeframe—perhaps seven-day, thirty-day, sixty-day, and ninety-day goals. For example, President Johnson-Sirleaf committed that within 150 days, her administration would: Put 6,000 young people to work on road maintenance and beach clean-up projects. Open 150km of feeder roads, linking thirty communities in two counties. Open 150 new sanitation facilities. Complete eleven reinforced concrete bridges. Open seventy-five community wells in three counties. Be sure you only make commitments you have the resources to keep. People will understand that you can’t do everything. As you announce these commitments, you are defining the terms by which people will begin to trust you. If you have listened well, and choose things people find important, they will let go of those things you have not committed to do and calibrate their future trust for you on the terms you set. 3. Go public. The next thing President Johnson-Sirleaf did was make weekly progress reports to the country on her commitments. This accomplished two things: 1) it put pressure on those whose job it was to deliver these commitments; 2) it built trust as people saw steady progress over the 150 days. Every week, Liberians were reminded what they could (and could not) expect from their president. And they learned that she had the leadership competence to fulfill her commitments. Within 150 days, three-fourths of the commitments had been met. Not a perfect record, but far better than people had seen from previous administrations. If you listen well, prioritize carefully, and go public with both commitments and progress, you can demonstrate to your community that you care about their concerns and that they can trust you to deliver. I wish you the best in your leadership and service. Thank you for caring enough to put yourself in such vulnerable circumstances at such a crucial time. Warmly, Joseph

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Cathy Parsons is a nursing practice consultant at St. Joseph’s Health Care London, and a Master of Applied Positive Psychology graduate, University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia. Practice changes are an everyday reality in the life of a healthcare provider. Clients, patients, and residents are more knowledgeable and expect care that is evidence-informed. All change creates some kind of emotional response. If the recommended change challenges staff members’ long-held assumptions and cherished beliefs, it may create frustration and moral distress. It may feel like the research negates years of tradition. For example, one of our units recently reflected on best practices for reducing patient falls and use of restraints, and practice changes have required a significant shift in staff behaviors and attitudes. Don Ewert, Coordinator, Veterans Care, and I recently collaborated on ways to enhance the success of practice change by using an approach grounded in principles from VitalSmarts’ training. We used the skills from Crucial Conversations to achieve the organization’s vital behaviors of speaking up, holding each other accountable, and asking for help whenever concerned about safety, quality of care or service, and/or quality of work life. Getting unstuck begins with our awareness of discomfort with the practice change. Our emotional response helps us to gauge whether we have a difference of opinion about the desired change, or whether we fear the stakes are high (maybe I won’t be able to do it). Starting with Heart reminds us that those promoting the practice change and those who put the change into practice usually have good intentions. By suspending judgment, admitting our biases, being open to new possibilities, and recognizing the role of Villain, Victim, or Helpless behavior, we Master Our Stories so that we can be fully engaged in the change process. Stating Our Path requires us to share our views while also staying open to hear and consider others’ stories. During this step, Learning to Look for behaviors of Silence or Violence ensures that everyone continues to contribute to the Pool of Shared Meaning which is key to successful change. As we discover the Mutual Purpose of the change, we are more likely to show Mutual Respect when there are differences of opinion. This, in turn, makes it safe for dialogue to continue. The term evidence-informed practice requires us to Explore Others’ Paths—including research on the subject, experience of the healthcare provider, and especially patient, client, and resident preference—this does not have to be an either/or choice! It also means that we prepare care providers with the skills and tools to successfully adopt the change. This is how we strengthen a person-centered approach to care in body, mind, and spirit. Our Move to Action includes implementing and evaluating the change. The success of the change is assessed from the perspective of the patient, the care provider, and the care environment processes. Our vital behaviors help us to evolve the implementation process as we speak up about problematic aspects of the change, hold each other accountable when we see members of the team not modeling new behaviors, and ask for help when we feel unable to support the new practice. Ultimately, the way to enhance quality of patient care, build positive team relationships, and foster a shared and inclusive approach to practice change is grounded in the outcomes of these conversations. Related posts: Vital Behaviors for Entrepreneurs Guest Post: 7 steps to evolve a culture from control to trust How to Find Vital Behaviors

The Challenge The staff at St. Joseph’s Health Care London didn’t talk to each other. Yes, they exchanged words, but when problems were serious and emotions were involved, many side-stepped core issues. Not only was this behavior unproductive and disrespectful for employees, it was potentially dangerous for patients. The organizational development staff identified a training course that might help, especially in the interests of their main concern, patient safety. They also knew they needed an executive champion who could persuade busy physicians and nurses to participate. So they approached Dr. Gillian Kernaghan, a veteran family practice physician who was then the hospital’s Chief Medical Officer. She agreed something needed to be done. "Only 50 percent of meetings were productive," remembers Kernaghan, who is now the hospital’s President and CEO. "We had a lot of ‘Groundhog Days,’ where we talked about the same thing and didn’t find common purpose or get to actions that were agreeable." Kernaghan describes an environment where people wouldn’t speak up and sabotaged decisions that were made in the real "meeting" that happened in the hallway after. "People pushed through their agenda by using power words like ‘patient safety,’ ‘evidence-based,’ and ‘family-centered,’" she says. "The implication was, ‘If you disagree with me you’re obviously not patient centered.’ Essentially, others couldn’t speak up because they felt shutdown." She also observed the initiatives that grew out of those limited discussions were less effective, leading to "rework" and "I told you so" comments even though people hadn’t spoken up in the first place. "We needed to not only teach people to be nice to each other, but we also needed to get results by teaching them how to follow up and follow through," she says. "We knew that if we could transform the way we communicated, our staff would be happier and more productive, and ultimately, our patients would be safer." So when she was asked to champion physician training that purported to address those needs, she agreed, knowing that in order to be an effective voice, she had to be "integrally involved." So she registered to become a certified trainer of Crucial Conversations. The Results: Read our case study to learn how Dr. Gillian Kernaghan used Crucial Conversations and Crucial Accountability Training to earn accreditation with exemplary standing, improve employee satisfaction scores, and see a significant improvement in holding others accountable. What St. Joseph’s employees have to say: Read this guest post to see other ways employees at St. Joseph’s Health Care London have used Crucial Conversations and Crucial Accountability Training to change their culture. Related posts: Success Story: Crucial Conversations Training Improves Nurses’ Ability to Address Disruptive Physician Behavior Case Study: Influencer Training Helps Tennessee Health System Achieve 100% EHR Adoption Success Story: Nebo School District Uses Influencer Training to Improve Student Performance

ABOUT THE AUTHOR David Maxfield is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I am struggling to regain my supervisor’s trust. I have made some errors—of omission, mainly—and have been written up. There are some extenuating circumstances such as an ill parent and my own depression and anxiety, but the bottom line is that my supervisor expects me to do my job. She is micromanaging me now—searching for errors. I am afraid of losing my job, so I am always looking over my shoulder, wondering what she will find next. Fear and anxiety can create more mistakes, and I’m afraid I’ve created a dangerous pattern. What else can I do to regain her confidence and trust and get out from under the microscope? Trying to be Trustworthy  Dear Trying, Thanks for your brave question. You’ve already avoided two mistakes that keep many of us stuck. You’ve accepted that you aren’t perfect, and you aren’t blaming others for your problems. You are taking responsibility, and that puts you on the right track. I think I can help. Examine your story. You are telling yourself a very anxiety-provoking story—that your supervisor has you under a microscope, searching for errors, with the intent of firing you. Are you sure this story is correct? Interrogate your story by asking two questions: "Do I really have all the facts I need to be sure my story is correct?" and "Is there any other story that could fit this same set of facts?" In particular, ask yourself whether you are misreading your supervisor’s motives. We humans tend to see the worst, rather than the best, in others’ motives. This bias is so common that psychologists have given it a name, the fundamental attribution error. What if you are wrong about your supervisor’s motives? What if your supervisor is rooting for you to succeed and sees her micromanagement as "helpful coaching"? Clarify your intentions. It’s also possible your supervisor has misread your motives, so make them clear. Draw a line between your past errors and your new situation. Sometimes, an apology can be a good way to draw this line and make it clear that your motives are aligned with hers. In addition, do your best to remove any lingering doubts your supervisor might have about the extenuating circumstances you’ve described. Explain how you’ve resolved or stabilized them so they won’t undermine your work going forward. Take the initiative. Act as if your supervisor is providing helpful coaching, and become the eager learner who is striving to reach perfection. When she searches for errors in your work, tell yourself she is trying to help and make an effort to learn from her. Use these times to ask her about her priorities, and to offer your help. Use this period to hone your craft and become the very best at your job. Trust comes from sacrifice. Here is the hard part. Meeting the requirements of your job won’t be enough to create the trust you want from your supervisor. Personal trust comes from going "above and beyond" what is required—from making a personal sacrifice to showing your support for your boss’s goals. Often, this sacrifice is of time, effort, or other priorities. For you, it might mean volunteering to do a job nobody likes to do, spending extra time on a task that needs to be done, or getting up to speed on a skill that’s difficult to master. Work to create a reputation for doing more than what’s required. I hope these ideas are helpful. Do other readers have ideas that could help? If so, please share your ideas in the comments below. David Related posts: Rebuilding Trust After Layoffs Regaining Work/Life Balance Approaching a Hard-to-Please Boss

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, How do you hold your peers accountable when you don’t have the support of their supervisor, or in some instances the support of your own supervisor? I work with a person in a cross-functional team who is disorganized (he loses things on a regular basis and asks me to resend things), unprepared (we show up for a meeting and he’s still setting up equipment so we have to wait to start the meeting), and shows up to meetings late or doesn’t show up at all. Sometimes, when I come into his office, he is working on a project for his personal company, but he continues to complain that he has too much work and can’t get our projects done. Because of the workflow, I field a steady stream of complaints about him where I’m literally left saying, "What do you want me to do? I’m not his boss." I’ve tried discussing things with him directly and I’ve tried discussing things with his supervisor, but no one will hold this person accountable and I’m not allowed to. What do I do? Out of Ideas  Dear Out of Ideas, You’re off to a good start. I’m impressed that you have attempted to directly address the issue with him and with his supervisor. Nice job. To help you think about any remaining options, let me suggest five levels of influence you can use when dealing with problem peers. Use them in order. In other words, don’t move to #2 until you’ve effectively attempted #1, and so on. 1. Content. The first time you have problems, present them immediately and directly to the individual involved. Don’t wait for it to happen again. Don’t wait until it really ticks you off. Do it right away. Remember also to do it skillfully—create safety, master your stories, etc. For example, the "content" conversation you might have would address "You did not send me the report by Wednesday as you committed. What happened?" 2. Pattern. When it is clear that a pattern is emerging, you must have an entirely different kind of conversation that leads to different kinds of solutions. Many people misunderstand pattern conversations. They think it simply means addressing, "You failed to get me the report on time the last four weeks in a row" as opposed to, "You got the report to me late again this week!" This is true. You must be sure to raise the right issue, but you must also be sure the agreements you come to at the end address the true nature of the pattern. For example, "I’m sorry, I have been really irresponsible. I will do better next week. I promise!" is insufficient. You must stay in the conversation longer to understand what general causes there are and to develop solutions you believe will address those general causes. For example, if the person is disorganized, what will they do to get more organized? If they are overcommitted, how will they manage that? If they see this as a low priority task, what will change next time? If the only thing that changes is they want to avoid another crucial conversation with you, you’ll get temporary motivation but nothing sustainable. Be sure to solve the pattern problem. 3. Relationship. This is also a conversation you have directly with the individual. Notice we’re at influence level three and we haven’t had to involve anyone else yet. However, the nature of the conversation changes each time. At this level, you are no longer trying to solve the pattern. Rather, you are discussing ways to restructure the relationship around it. The person has repeatedly demonstrated an inability and/or unwillingness to keep prior commitments. At this level you must say, "I need a different way of working together—one that does not put you on my critical path. I want to be clear that this isn’t the way I want it. I would much prefer to work in the way we have attempted, but if conditions change to restore my trust, let’s go back to that relationship. However, until I have that trust, here is what I will need to do . . ." Relationship problems are often solved by developing new boundaries or roles that work for you. The key is that these new boundaries must be explicitly shared with the other person—not simply taken behind his or her back. For example, we often start doing others’ work as a workaround to their weaknesses without letting them know we are doing this. That is acting out rather than talking out the problem. Influence level three is candidly discussing with them the steps you will take to ensure you have control of your destiny. For instance, if part of the problem is someone’s abusive behavior, this could include letting him or her know that until you see changes you will not have contact with him or her. Relationship conversations are often the level at which you must involve other stakeholders—the person’s boss, your boss, HR, etc. But again, you must let the person know that you have exhausted your options and will need to be honest with those who have responsibility to address the concerns—or who may be affected by them. 4. Upward Influence. Level four is sometimes needed as part of level three. Let’s say the person on your cross-functional team was responsible for logistics and you are at the point of using other resources to get that done. You should now hand the influence problem over to the person who should own it next—your coworker’s boss. Don’t do it in the form of blame or to vilify the person. In fact, do it gracefully, acknowledging that you may be part of the problem in a way you weren’t aware of and are open to feedback if the person’s boss discovers something you had not seen. At the same time, let him or her know what you’ve attempted to do to solve it and why you need to take the steps you’re taking. If your boss will be affected by the actions you are taking, you may need to involve him or her as well. Once again, be careful that you are not engaging in gossip or trying to undermine the other party. Check your motives. Simply let others own the part of the problem they need to own, while taking steps you need to take. Let them know the natural consequences of the problem—without overstating them—and why your response is necessary for your own quality of work life and results. 5. Renegotiate Work. The fifth level of influence is needed if the problem persists and your coping strategies fail to help you ensure a reasonable quality of work life as well as control over your results. If this happens, you may need to have a "relationship" conversation with your boss. Perhaps your boss and others have failed to address the accountability problem with the other person in a way that continues to cause problems for you, you may choose to ask for a different assignment, more organizational distance from the individual, or reduced commitments on your shared project. You may say, "I can continue to work with Jack, but I will need more flexibility on our deadlines due to the unpredictability of his contributions." Sometimes, the best way to influence your boss or others in leadership positions is to help them experience the consequences of the problem you are facing. Busy people don’t like to take on new problems, so it’s often the case that when you share your accountability concerns they minimize them by avoiding thinking about them in more visceral ways. Level five lets them experience it more palpably as you communicate what you will need in order to work in this low accountability reality. None of the above advice is a magic pill—it is simply the logical process you need to pursue in order to take responsibility for your own life and your own results. If you do so in a 100 percent respectful and 100 percent honest way, you will have far more influence than you might think. And if things don’t improve to your satisfaction, you must take responsibility for either accepting a situation you can no longer influence or removing yourself from it. I wish you all the best. Joseph Related posts: Holding a Slacking Coworker Accountable Holding People Accountable Holding a "Charmer" Accountable

In every organization, you’ll find renegades who break rules or fail to live up to their end of the bargain. We call these troublemakers "The UnAccountables." They create problems that are so stubborn they require extra vigilance. Watch our new video to see a showdown between one manager and his unaccountable direct report. To prevent showdowns like this from happening in organizations across the world, we’re pleased to announce the release of Crucial Accountability Training, the update of our popular Crucial Confrontations Training course. New features include: New and updated video-based instruction Streamlined content in a new flow that’s easier to learn and train Updated Crucial Accountability model Learn more about the course, watch more videos, and play our game to see how well you do when it comes to holding others accountable. Related posts: Special Announcement: Meet the UnAccountables—Introducing the New Crucial Accountability Companion Course Crucial Applications: What’s New in Crucial Conversations 4? Special Announcement: Introducing the Second Edition of our Bestselling Book, Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change

According to our recent poll, three in four employees quickly attribute their coworkers’ bad behavior to lack of motivation while only one in ten consider ability deficits. As a result, they avoid holding problem colleagues accountable, engage in costly workarounds, and perpetuate the very problems they detest. Those who think more generously and carefully about the cause for others’ misbehavior are far more likely to speak up. They are also more disposed to explore potential motivation and ability barriers to their coworkers’ performance, and often report success in resolving the issue. Here are three tips for holding coworkers accountable by correctly diagnosing their bad behavior: 1. Identify the right problem. When approaching your coworker, think "CPR" (Content, Pattern, Relationship). Our natural inclination is to talk content—the immediate offense. But if and when your coworker continues to behave poorly, it’s time to talk about the pattern of bad behavior. If the infraction continues, talk about the long-term damage the pattern is having on your relationship of trust and dependability. 2. Make it motivating. If the other person is able to do what’s been asked, but chooses not to, start by making the invisible visible. Talk about the natural consequences—both good and bad—he or she cares about. What are the effects of his or her behavior on other employees, customers, share owners, etc.? 3. Make it easy. If you find out the problem is not due to motivation, then it’s likely due to an ability barrier. Maybe your expectations aren’t realistic. Maybe you didn’t provide him or her with the right tools. Maybe he or she is constrained because of bureaucracy. Whatever the constraints, discover them and make changes. The goal is to make it as easy as possible for your coworker to meet the expectation. To view an entertaining video about unaccountable coworkers, access an online game to test your accountability skills, and learn more about our new Crucial Accountability Training, visit vitalsmarts.com/unaccountables. Related posts: Crucial Applications: How to Hold Slacking Coworkers Accountable Holding Peers Accountable Without Management’s Support Holding a Slacking Coworker Accountable