Utkarsh Sahu commented on Mike Barton's blog post The Insights Community Is Taking a Break

Lee J. Schneider commented on Daniel Green's blog post Will Apple Watch Make Us More Productive?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I am one of three people on our executive team, and I am struggling with the excessive amount of time our CEO spends on outside issues. He spends about ten to fifteen percent of his time working on company issues and the rest on his outside activities. He has accepted positions on multiple boards that are not relevant to our company but provide networking and resume building opportunities for him. He reports to a Board of Directors who doesn’t know of or understand these time-altering behavior patterns. Our small company is struggling in the recession and yet all the oars are not in the water. Other employees see this and question why. What do I say to our CEO about his time-wasting behavior? Signed,Lonely Exec  Dear Lonely, For the sake of my response, I’m going to take your statements at face value. I need to point this out in advance because I’m going to make a very strong suggestion for how you should handle this. If my assumptions are wrong, then my response may be excessive. Based on what you’ve written, I don’t think it is. I’m going to assume the following: 1. Your CEO is paid a full salary. 2. He is truly working ten to fifteen percent of a full-time job (i.e., this number is not an exaggeration on your part). 3. He might be receiving compensation for some of the outside work—or at a minimum is receiving personal gain through networking. 4. Your board is a governance (not just an advisory) board. In other words, they are responsible to represent the shareholders by holding him accountable. 5. You have fiduciary responsibility as one of the executives. If these statements are even largely true, then I have three crucial conversations and one piece of advice for you. Crucial Conversation #1: You owe it to your boss to confront him about the enormous gap you see between a normal CEO’s level of engagement and his current performance. You need to do this somewhat tentatively to begin with because there is some possibility he has a special employment relationship with the board that you are unaware of. If that turns out to be true, then you will discuss your concerns about whether this arrangement is functional for the company or not. If there is no special arrangement, and as you suspect, the board does not know, then you must move to . . . Crucial Conversation #2: You must let him know he is stealing from the company and that you have been an accomplice through your silence. Furthermore, you must inform him that you cannot continue as an accomplice. You would prefer that he raise the issue with the board and gain their approval for whatever work pattern he is willing to provide. If he does not, then you must move to . . . Crucial Conversation #3: You must report this concern to the board. Since I don’t know your board, I don’t know if it would be safest to meet with the chair privately, another board member who is a confidant and would trust your views, or with the full board in session. You’ll have to decide based on what will get your data the best hearing. Most people would never do this—but would either suffer in silence or just resign and blow the whistle after they leave. If you follow the order above, I believe you will hold yourself to a higher standard of loyalty and integrity. You will give your CEO the chance to restore his integrity, you will honor your loyalty to him, and you will restore the integrity you have lost through your silence. This is a much lonelier and more emotionally difficult path than the easier ways out—and that’s why I suggest making this choice requires impeccable character. Finally, the advice. Obviously, this approach is fraught with risks. The CEO could turn against you and try to get you fired. The board could disbelieve your perspective (by the way, you had better have data when you approach them). They might believe you but feel they have to be loyal to the CEO (a weak but possible outcome). In any case, you will have left neutral ground forever when you start this series of conversations. So you should have a backup plan in place. It’s easier to feel confident jumping off the cliff if you’ve checked the water depth first. This is a matter of integrity. You need to take these steps. But give yourself enough time to prepare escape plans that protect your interests and those of your family as best you can. I have not given tactical advice for the conversation. Please know that the statements I made above reflect the points you need to make in the crucial conversations—but they are not a "how to" for the conversation. Use all the skills we’ve described over time in this column—make it safe, lay out facts before tentatively sharing conclusions, and invite disagreement. If you follow those skills, you’ll give the CEO the best chance of understanding your legitimate concerns without taking personal offense. I’ve seen it done before. Practice, practice, practice in advance so you can approach this in a healthy way. Please drop me a line to let me know what you do. I will be happy to respond to more specific requests for coaching if it will help you get through this most crucial conversation. Sincerely, Joseph Related Material:Wasting Time in Meetings

Richard Kastelein commented on Mike Barton's blog post The Insights Community Is Taking a Break

Lee J. Schneider commented on Mike Barton's blog post The Insights Community Is Taking a Break

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Al Switzler is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, One of my coworkers said I didn’t involve him in a decision I made, but I did. I told him I relayed his input—he is the expert in this area—to another person, as he asked me to do. He said I made the decision to meet with this person without inviting him. When I try to explain what really happened, it just gets worse. What do you do when you feel you are falsely accused? Falsely Accused  Dear Accused, The situation you described certainly qualifies as a crucial conversation. High stakes are involved—potentially the project and certainly the working relationship are at risk—emotions are high, and you see things differently. As I try to answer the question you have posed, I want to do so by looking at a couple of options. Option 1 - Prioritize the incident. Your first option is to find enough Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect to create safety and talk this incident through. I’m referring to your misunderstanding as an incident because it seems this is a one-time situation. The core problem is that you don’t agree on the facts. You see the same incident so differently that you have arrived at different conclusions and emotions. In teams and relationships (and even organizations) where there is little trust or where processes involve many steps and many people over a long period of time, individuals are required to write commitments down. Doing so makes the facts clear, or at least clearer. Also, people don’t have to rely on memory—which is not very reliable and thus not very safe. If you and your colleague had done that, some of the facts would have been clearer. However, some facts might still be unclear. Perhaps neither of you would have articulated that he expected to be invited to the meeting, so you would be at the same point—arguing about the facts. I bring this up to suggest that, while helpful, writing down all commitments is not a completely effective strategy. I will add emphatically, however, that when the two of you had the initial conversation about what you and he would do, if you had made sure you touched all the bases of WWWF (Who does What by When and how you’ll Follow up) you perhaps could have minimized the assumptions and the frustrations. Because it doesn’t sound like you were able to discuss all of these factors, I suggest you prioritize the incident by solving it quickly if you can or moving past it if you can’t. Option 2 - Clarify how you’ll work together in the future. To begin this conversation, you might want to say, "It’s clear that we see the incident about the meeting with Sarah very differently and we’ve not been able to agree on the facts. I’m wondering if we could talk about what we learned from it and how we can work better in the future so this kind of thing doesn’t happen again?" If the two of you can focus on going forward rather than dwelling on an incident in the past, you can find Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect that will allow for dialogue. The purpose of dialogue is to learn, clarify agreements, make better decisions, and take committed action. By using the incident as a learning point, you can make agreements that will make future work better. In such a conversation, you might agree that when you make commitments together you’ll also consider what you’ll do if you run into conflicts, changes, or barriers. How will you touch base? How will you modify the plan you created? How will you assume the best until you can talk to your colleague if you hear of changes? So rather than trying to "solve" every incident, you agree on a process that will help you anticipate problems and act in ways that either resolve them or prevent them. I want to touch on your statement, "When I tried to explain what happened, it just got worse." If you hold this conversation about working together in the future well, you should be able to talk about what to do if future conflicts arise. Then, rather than disagreeing about what has already happened, you can have a conversation about how you plan to move forward. When colleagues or couples have had difficulties in the past, a good option is to learn from these misunderstandings and let those insights influence future behavior rather than simply clinging to the past. I wish you well,Al Related Material:Responding to Accusations Responding to Unwanted Parenting Advice Responding to Confidential Feedback

Lee J. Schneider commented on Uschi Schreiber's blog post Is Tech Really as Advanced as We Think?

Attending Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations Training has been of great benefit to me both personally and professionally. I am diligent about sharing the books, audio companions, and the Crucial Skills Newsletter with my staff. I work in a non-clinical department within a trauma center staffed by very experienced nurses in emergency and/or critical care—which contributes to the amazing and thorough work they do in their current roles. I shared your recent Q&A article, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One" with my staff and received the following e-mail, titled "I felt like a nurse again," in response: "Last Wednesday as I was leaving the ICU, I did something I have often wanted to do but didn’t feel comfortable doing. A woman was walking down the hall toward the waiting room, and she was crying—not an uncommon sight. I slowed down, walked along side her, and said I was so sorry for whatever she was going through. I thought it was probably related to one of my patients, but I wasn’t positive. She seemed relieved and said, "It is so hard." I kept walking with her and asked if she was alone and if I could get her a drink of water. She said family was in the waiting room and that she had a bottle of water in her bag. Just before we got to the ICU waiting room, she stopped and leaned toward me for a hug, then stood for a few minutes before going into the waiting room. At that point, I left. "If it hadn’t been for the Crucial Skills Newsletter you sent and a recent experience with another coworker who recently lost her husband, I don’t think I would have had the courage to actually approach this woman. I am very thankful that I did so. "Years ago, I read a book written by a man whose young wife died in the ICU and he says the longest walk of your life is from the hospital to your car after your loved one has died. I have often wondered if there is any way someone can walk out with those folks who stand alone at the bedside when their family member dies. This is just another example of how a small gesture can make a large impact." So, I want to thank you for making these resources available to me and my staff. We still contribute to the profession we love and demonstrate this commitment to our patients, families, and associates.

Victor Cruz commented on Mike Barton's blog post The Insights Community Is Taking a Break

Othmane Zrikem commented on Mike Barton's blog post The Insights Community Is Taking a Break