One word comes to mind to adequately describe the VitalSmarts REACH 2012 trainer conference: AMAZING! For two days in August, trainers from around the world gathered at the base of the majestic Rocky Mountains in Salt Lake City for a truly remarkable experience. The new BIG Idea sessions—twenty-minute keynote speeches on a wide variety of topics—were a huge hit! With keynote speakers such as renowned psychologist Albert Bandura, VitalSmarts authors and international licensees, acclaimed author and Influencer Brian Wansink, and Facebook’s Learning and Development Manager Mike Rognlien—the BIG Idea sessions educated and entertained participants, providing them with innovative ideas to implement in their organizations and training offerings. There were plenty of surprises along the way too—including a guest appearance from VitalSmarts video actress Jackie Houston and a ballroom dance BIG Idea session on deliberate practice where participants were invited on stage to strut their stuff! Brian Wansink conducted a top-secret food experiment with the REACH participants and demonstrated the power the environment has on our eating habits. And the Trainer Appreciation dinner reached new heights with world-class entertainment from the Piano Guys! The breakout sessions throughout the two days were outstanding, offering trainers hands-on opportunities to learn new best practices and connect with trainers from across the globe. The client sessions were inspirational and educational, offering trainers new insights into how to successfully roll out VitalSmarts training offerings and change their organizations for good. What did the trainers think of REACH 2012? They overwhelmingly expressed that REACH 2012 was one of the best professional development conferences they had ever attended! But don’t just take our word for it—take a look at some of the REACH 2012 BIG Idea sessions on our VitalSmarts YouTube page and save the date for REACH 2013 to experience it all for yourself, live and in person! We hope to see you there! Related Material:From the Road: Insight from REACH 2010 From the Road: What Happens in Training, Stays in Training From the Road: Do You Know Where Your Participants Are?

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The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - This is not just speculation by a writer, this is experimentation by a person with keen insights. I like writers who share vital behaviors and Gretchen does a great job. Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov - Wonderful, powerful, and very specific behaviors for improving teaching—at all levels and all kinds of situations. Written by someone who stood at the back of the room and noticed the difference between the good teachers and the great teachers. The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha - American poet William Carlos Williams once commented that, "Poetry is the stuff for the lack of which people die miserably every day." The Book of Awesome helps us smell the roses and find the poetry in every day. Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card - Sci-fi and an interesting look at leadership and organization, of team work and commitment. Card is a great writer and has great insights into people. Related Material:Off the Author’s Bookshelf: What Ron’s Reading Off the Author’s Bookshelf: What Joseph’s Reading

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ron McMillan is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My team is doing more work through conference calls. However, we struggle to keep everybody involved when the call consists of several people in one room and three or four people on individual call-in lines. Those of us who are "remote" feel we interrupt if we "jump in" to the conversation since we don’t get to raise our hand or see the non-verbal cues that would let us take advantage of a natural break in the conversation. This causes us to feel excluded and we don’t always get to have a say in the conversation. Can you share some strategies for getting everybody involved in a conference call? Conferenced Out  Dear Conferenced Out, To answer your question, I want to begin by sharing a sad but true story. I was a participant in a critical, but boring conference call involving twenty-two people. Someone was discussing something I wasn’t very interested in when a call came in on another line. I cleverly put the conference call on hold and answered the other line, talked for a few short minutes, and returned to the conference call. I immediately noticed the person speaking was talking so loud he was practically shouting for a few moments then he began speaking in a normal tone. A few minutes later, another call came in so I put the conference call on hold, took the new call, conversed for a few minutes, finished, and then returned to the conference call. This time there was total silence on the line. The call host then said, "Now it’s stopped. This is so strange. Why would music suddenly start playing in the middle of our conference call then stop and suddenly start again and then stop again? I’m sorry. I’ve never experienced this before." After the conference call, with a bit of experimentation, I realized that when I put people on hold, our office phone system immediately starts playing elevator music for whoever is on hold, which in this case was all of the conference call participants. My bad. There are many lessons you could learn from my story about my relative intelligence, but the lesson I would like to point out is that it’s very difficult to hold everyone’s attention on conference calls. Come on, admit it. How many of you have read and answered e-mails during a conference call? Without the face-to-face interaction, it’s more difficult to hold others’ attention and to be personally accountable to the person speaking. I absolutely believe John Naisbitt, author of Megatrends, was right when he wrote, "As human beings become capable of anonymous electronic communication they [will] concurrently need more close-up personal interaction." Let me start by saying that I strongly recommend you never have a crucial conversation using e-mail or instant messaging. Too much of the meaning is ambiguous or lost. When someone writes a sentence in all caps, does that mean he’s shouting? Excited? Mad? What does it mean when the font is all red? Use e-mail to share information, but when emotions run strong, you have opposing opinions, and stakes are high, it’s time for a face-to-face conversation. In difficult circumstances when distance or time will not allow it, then, with the greatest of reluctance, you may have to resort to the phone but know that you will be missing half of the critical data—the visual information. You will not see facial expressions, gestures, or body language. True, you will be able to hear the other person’s voice and intonation, but you have to ask a lot of clarifying questions to make sure you understand. For example: "After my last point, there was a long silence. Are you thinking about what I said or do you disagree?" When we "manage by phone" or "team by speaker," we run the risk of sacrificing effectiveness for efficiency. When using "high tech" to communicate, the "high touch" becomes much more important. This means meeting face-to-face when possible, and when it’s not possible, spending a lot of time listening, checking for understanding, and having individual conversations. When leading a meeting over the phone, use an agenda and structure questions and requests for input into the agenda. Throughout your meeting, frequently ask the following questions: "Does anyone have any questions?" "Can anyone build on that idea?" "Who has an opinion on this?" "Does anyone see this differently?" Also, remember to ask individuals specifically for their comments: "Leroy, what do you think of this proposal?" "Sabrina, I haven’t heard your view on this issue. Would you mind sharing?" Sometimes a roll call is in order on important issues: "I want to get each of your ideas on this. Let’s start with Benjamin . . ." Remember to use your AMPP skills (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, Prime) and intentionally Explore Others’ Paths. If you are not the leader of the call, these ideas still apply. Even if you aren’t the leader, you can still say, "Rachael, how do you see this problem?" and invite others to participate. When you are a participant in a conference call and not the leader, you need to STATE your path—share your facts, tell your story, ask for other’s paths, talk tentatively, and encourage testing. You also need to initiate more than you otherwise would to get your meaning in the pool. Consider using these phrases: "I’d like to add something . . ." "Before we go on to the next topic, I would like to comment on the recommendation . . ." "I have an opinion I would like to share . . ." "Sorry to interrupt, but I want the views in our region to be considered . . ." I have personally seen the introduction of these skills change the culture of a team within three conference calls. Whether advocated by the leader or just modeled by a caring team member, we owe it to ourselves and others to get all the relevant meaning into the Pool of Shared Meaning. If we do, we not only get to enjoy the efficiencies of technology by saving time and the costs of travel, but we can also reap the benefits of being an effective team. Ron

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To help more of our readers with their crucial conversations, confrontations, and behavior change challenges, we recently introduced the Community Q&A column! Please share your answers to this reader’s question in the comments below. Dear Crucial Skills, I live in an apartment complex built around a grassy area and parking garage. Ten boys between five and ten years old (including my son) live in the complex and love to play together on the grass. Sometimes they get a bit too noisy, which upsets many of the neighbors. Those annoyed neighbors wrote an angry e-mail to management telling them to "do something about the boys." Ironically, those annoyed neighbors never speak to the boys’ parents about their concerns and even come out to tell the boys off when the parents are inside and run away when the parents come back out. I want to build a community spirit and get people talking, but I don’t know where to start. How can I get my neighbors talking so we can resolve this issue without involving management? Seeking Neighborly Dialogue Related Material:Community Q&A: Encouraging Others to Cut Back Community Q&A: Overcoming Cultural Differences with Crucial Conversations Community Q&A: Making His Ex-Wife Feel Safe