ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kerry Patterson is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, I have an aging mom who needs to be moved into an assisted living facility, but she just won’t hear of it. How can I have a conversation with her to help her understand that she needs to move so we will know she is safe? Concerned  Dear Concerned, Your mother is lucky to have a loving child who is concerned about her well-being and safety—enough so that you’re willing to step up to what many believe will be one of the most difficult conversations they’ll ever have. After all, you’re about to ask an aging parent to step away from a comfortable situation, complete with a familiar collection of belongings and friends, and enter a situation that could be not only novel, but even frightening. After all, in her mind, the new home may not be a home at all, but an institution full of people who treat their customers in an institutional way. It’s filled with strangers. There are rules and restrictions of all sorts. Plus, who knows what view your parent has of assisted living facilities. For years, the industry was peppered with horrible places that were often used to hide away the ailing aged—forgotten by loved ones, ruled by the local version of nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and smelling of urine and alcohol. At least, that’s how movies portrayed the places. Your mom may have even visited such an institution—perhaps the horrible place that housed her mother or grandmother. The place you have in mind, in sharp contrast, provides lovely circumstances, delicious food, the possibility of companionship, and lots of fun group activities. Why just look at the van parked out front filling up with active seniors on their way to the mall for a shopping trip. Also pulling up out front is a group of high school kids who’ve come to put on a luncheon show of musical numbers and poetic recitations. At the ready, you’ll find a qualified staff of medical assistants who will ensure that the food everyone eats is healthy and in the right proportions while simultaneously monitoring medicines and special needs. There’s the rub. Two people hold two very different views of the immediate future and two very different opinions about what choice to make. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up trying to convince each other that your view is correct, while fighting off the other person’s incorrect view. As a result, neither of you will change your opinion and you will either continue with the status quo, or you will take your mom to the care center kicking and screaming. This sort of stand-off reminds me of a time I watched my eight-year-old daughter attempt to convince a neighborhood kid who had just moved to America to taste a bowl of chocolate ice cream. The new neighbor hadn’t tasted ice cream before and the brown blob she was being offered wasn’t the least bit appealing to her. My daughter kept saying, "Trust me, you’ll really like it!" And then when that didn’t work, she’d state: "Honest, you’ll really, really, really like it." The friend would shake her head no and steel her will against what she assumed was a circumstance similar to the time her mom told her to eat a suspicious looking new food (liver) and not to fret because it was really, really good—only it was liver. Essentially, my daughter was talking ice cream and her friend was hearing liver. Here are some steps you can take to avoid such a standoff. I’m assuming that your mom’s medical circumstances demand that she move to an assisted living center—for both her safety and your peace of mind. That means whether she moves isn’t open to discussion. How, when, where, and under what conditions are indeed open and require healthy dialogue. Enter to learn, not simply to teach. Before you start the conversation, don’t merely prepare your arguments, prepare your willingness to listen. You’ll need to understand your mother’s concerns in order to openly discuss and resolve them. Explain why you made the decision. Don’t start by suggesting that you’re thinking about her moving into assisted living. If you leave that door open, you’ll spend most of your time debating if, when the if is no longer up for discussion. Start by explaining that you and your siblings have decided that, for her own safety and well-being, it’s time she moves. Then share the circumstances that led you to make the decision. Explain the impact her actions have had on her and on friends and loved ones. Let her know that you’re trying to help her find a place she can enjoy while she still has most of her faculties, not a place to stow her away. Ask her to share her concerns. End your description of why she needs to move with an invitation for her to share her concerns. Some will be accurate, some you’ll need to research, and some will be way off base. Restate each concern to ensure that you understand exactly what she’s saying. Many of the concerns will be about genuine losses of independence and convenience. Discuss ways to mitigate or minimize these disadvantages. When she shares what you perceive to be an inaccurate perception, explain that you see it differently and then share your view. Quickly call for a study and visit. Rather than try to verbally persuade your mother of all the benefits of assisted living, involve her in selecting a facility—including a visit to some of the choices. Match your mother’s issues with the place that best suits her needs. Play the role of a good realtor—don’t sell the place, let the place sell itself. What do you like? What don’t you like? How might we change that to suit your needs? Talk with existing residents and see how they like it. Where possible, call or visit old friends who are currently living in a care facility and see what they think about the situation. Choose friends who face similar circumstances and they’ll be able to share insights about what to expect and what to do to avoid potential disappointments. Allow for a trial visit. Many facilities let you sample their services by signing up for a short test period. This is often the point at which the senior begins to realize that having others of the same age around, support from medical staff, prepared meals, less area to clean, and the like, more than offset the loss of living in one’s own home. Check for success. Once your mother selects a place and settles in, visit frequently—by whatever means possible. Check to see what is working and what isn’t. Where possible, make further changes to match her needs to the facility. Finally, live up to the promise you made to yourself. You meant it when you decided that you wanted what’s best for your mom. Whether this turns out to be true depends a great deal on how often you make contact with her once she’s found a new place to live. Kerry Related posts: Sharing Bad News with an Aging Parent Speaking with a Parent Facing a Crucial Conversation?

Estimated reading time: 10 minutes In late March I attended one day of the National eXtension Conference (#nexconf) in Sacramento. I went to see Harold Jarche and Jane Hart speak but must say I enjoyed the whole thing. Jane was the keynote speaker for the day and they both ran a workshop afterwards. Since that day, I’ve been meaning to reflect on the event and revisit my live Tweet stream of the event. It’s been a while, but I’m finally writing that reflection. It was great to be able to see, and meet, some of the people I follow in the industry. I got to see a sight I thought I’d never see, but enjoyed. "Happy" by Pharrell was the song of the conference. The team running the conference put together a video of participants dancing to the music. It was fun seeing everyone dancing and having a good time, including Harold and Jane during a discussion panel. Jane Hart was up first, she talked about how she works in a social manner sharing information she learns with the public. Jane Hart - Keynote Speaker There’s been a lot of talk lately about Twitter being in decline. I can say in the learning community it is as powerful of a source to learn as ever. No surprise Jane talked about Twitter being the number one learning tool this year. Twitter isn’t a source for training Jane says, it’s more about becoming better at what you do. This is a global economy and Twitter allows us to connect with others who do the same thing, get inspired, and learn. I take the learning one step further by branching out from just my industry into others. Inspiration comes from all corners of the world and diversity feeds my innovative side. Jane talked about the importance of social media and constant learning. Jane is right when she says before you pay off your student loans from a degree, the information you learned will be irrelevant. A degree only gives you the base level knowledge to work with. It’s a good beginning, but it can’t provide you the knowledge you need to gain throughout your career. It’s necessary to be a lifelong learner, not just conferences or webinars, but all the time. To maintain a learning attitude is the only way to stay relevant in your career and thrive. Seek - Sense - Share Jane talked a little bit about Harold’s framework, called Seek, Sense, Share. This is a way to manage the large amounts of information out there. Boiled down to its basics, you must seek information. Make sense of it picking the good from the bad and adding value. Finally, share the relevant and meaningful information while adding value. There will be a lot more to come of the Seek, Sense, Share framework, it’s the root of Harold’s PKMastery. According to Jane, a benefit of social learning is that job opportunities come in different forms, including student blogs. We should encourage students to reflect on their learning in the public. Not only does it help them better reflect, it connects them with others interested in their ideas. There’s also that side benefit of the interest companies may have in hiring them. Are you trying to get people to take part and show their work more? Jane Hart said something that resonated with me: "you can’t train people to be social - only show them what it is like to be social." There are two things that are necessary to create effective value in your social actions: Learning out loud - You have to always be learning. To reflect on that learning, it’s necessary to share it with other people. Working out loud - You need to show people what you’re working on. Go beyond collaboration into the realm of cooperation where inspiration and imagination become reality. As Jane Bozarth says, if you don’t think what you’re working on is worth sharing, then why are you doing it? Show Your Work First thought: show your work with the entire world!? But what I’m working on is proprietary and I can’t share it  with anyone outside the company. There’s always something not proprietary you can share, it’s just a matter of seeing the value in it. Also, there’s the Enterprise Social Network (ESN) that you can share on. You can break down silos and connect with others who may specialize in parts of a project you’re working on. To summarize, there’s two types of social sharing: Social Web ESN Between these two, there’s nothing that needs to be a secret. The benefits far outweigh any drawbacks of opening up your work to the world. Jane Hart sums up what being a social learning practitioner means here: A Social Learning Practitioner is a learning professional who encourages, enables and  supports knowledge sharing and collaboration across their organisation - not just in training. He/she is a role model, leading the way by showing the business what it is to be social, and modelling the new knowledge sharing and collaboration practices that are required for the modern business to operate effectively in the modern world. - Jane Hart That was it for Jane Hart’s solo presentation but she is also an integral part of the workshop which came next. Harold Jarche had some great things to say in the workshop and great activities to get everyone’s blood flowing. Harold Jarche and Jane Hart - Becoming a Social Learning Practitioner, Walking the Social Talk Things got interesting. The conference was now about to be interactive, and in an eye opening way. Harold Jarche told the story of his t-shirt which a friend gave him represents how organizations operate today. Successful organizations in the 21st century are connected from the bottom to the top. Organization still operating in a hierarchy are a thing of the 20th century. If an organization isn’t going that way, they are going the way of the dinosaur. "@kanter: Next up @hjarche @C4LPT interactive workshop! #NeXConf pic.twitter.com/exrLeeHqSg" note the shirt @jonhusband — Harold Jarche (@hjarche) March 31, 2014 The question of learning styles came up from the audience. I’m not sure if it was to play devils advocate, or real, but Harold and Jane fumbled on who would answer that one. Harold took the reigns on answering. His answer was that there are about 6 billion learning styles. Everyone is unique, there’s no sense in trying to accommodate any single learning style. It’s not possible to accommodate every learning style. Jarche’s Brand of PKM no longer Personal Knowledge Management, now Personal Knowledge Mastery Harold introduced a 40 days course to what he is now referring to as PKMastery (rather than PKM). This seems to be a transition so people know it’s not the former broader field of Personal Knowledge Management anymore. It’s now a more unique Jarche brand Personal Knowledge Mastery. Writing the Good Stuff Harold recently hit his 10 year blog anniversary and took the opportunity to reflect on the past 10 years. He said that his first valuable thing he wrote took three years. I disagree that it takes any time to write something of value. It’s all valuable, and is all a learning experience. Of course he didn’t mean it but I felt the need to say it. If you’re writing a blog, its content is valuable. Maybe it’s not valuable to everyone, but it’s valuable as a personal reflection tool. Harold’s framework on learning and working in the network era has been an eight year work in progress. It represents the things we do in work and learning and how it all connects. http://www.jarche.com/2014/03/absorbing-complexity-with-pkm/ Work and projects is where much of the knowledge we’ve gathered, learned, and reflected on comes to fruition. Communities of practice (CoP) is where we can test and discuss new ideas. These are usually formed around a specific topic of people who meet and discuss around that topic. Social sharing is a great source where inspiration comes from. You can get perspectives from various industries and gain diverse ideas. It is a great representation of how all the different networks come together to provide innovation and great ideas. This type of work-flow has provided me inspiration and allowed me to stay innovative in an evolving industry. This is all summed up well by Harold when he says "work is the learning and learning is the work." Diversity in Knowledge A much needed question Harold brought up, is "are you getting the diversity you need in your knowledge networks?" I think this goes along with my long time belief which I sum up as "great minds do not think alike." Diversity is what creates greatness, you can’t get diversity if you get your information from a small scope of sources. It’s important to follow ideas and information from a diverse group of people. Other industries, different levels of expertise, different geographic locations, and any other diverse source. Well said by Harold: "If you find Twitter boring, you’re not following the right people." An interesting method of finding information on a topic you’re interested in was presented by Harold. Seek out a person that’s an expert in the topic and you now have a human filter. You’ll get information on that topic which has already been filtered and curated by an expert. Mini Chat Jane hosted a mini Twitter chat to show the diversity of information you can get from the Twitterverse. My idea on if I decide to follow someone back is simple: are they real? Regular tweets? Professional tweets with limited personal tweets? I feel that if I limit who I follow, I’m putting myself into a silo. My Twitter stream may be overwhelming, but the diversity far outweighs what I might miss in the river of information. Network vs. Hierarchy Time to get the blood flowing. We all stood up for an activity orchestrated by Harold. He provided an eye opening experience of the accomplishments possible in a networked organization. Everyone in the room was instructed to stand up. Harold gave us simple instructions to pick two people in the room, but we couldn’t say who they were. We were then to organize ourselves as an equilateral triangle in relation to these two people. The problem is, we couldn’t talk and everybody has random people to move with, the crowd was in constant flux. Even with this complex formation, the entire room was able to do it within a minute and thirty seconds. The eye opener: Harold asked us to imagine the exercise with one person organizing the same pattern, it would have taken all day. Complex networks of people can self organize to create complex things without a hierarchy. Adding Value There’s a fine line between sharing good information and spamming the world. Harold and Jane explained the importance and methods of how to create value for the information you’re sharing. Here are some ways to add value: Explain the importance Make it relevant Put it into context Join the dots Synthesize the important parts Visualize the information for the reader By doing these things to the information you share, it will assist you in preventing over sharing. It takes a lot of effort to do this, and for good reason. If you share everything you see whether you read it or not, you’ll become the information spammer. I make a great deal of effort to read everything I share and make sure it contains quality information. http://www.jarche.com/2013/09/discerning-with-whom-and-when-to-share/ The goal is to increase knowledge, gain insights, and get ideas to innovate. The goal is not to share as much as possible. It’s important to take your tacit knowledge, share it, and leave a knowledge artifact. Full Circle It’s imperative that every point of Seek, Sense, Share is touched upon. If you only Seek and Sense, information may never become those innovative ideas. Likewise, if you only Seek and Share, you aren’t synthesizing the information to gain insight. Jane and Harold shared the tools and workflows they use to practice Seek, Sense, Share. http://www.jarche.com/2014/03/what-is-your-pkm-routine/ I find much of my information through either Twitter or Feedly. I then make sense of it at a later date in Pocket. Information I find beneficial or important gets shared via Twitter and LinkedIn. If a post is interesting and requires more value than Twitter or LinkedIn can allow, I may write a post to reflect better. Even this post is part of the Seek, Sense, Share framework. While participating in the conference, I synthesized what I was hearing and seeing into my live Twitter stream. This post is a reflection on my Twitter synthesis. I have had three touch points from this conference. I started with a first hand experience at the conference. I then documented and immediately synthesized via Twitter. Finally, I am reflecting to write this post. This process has shared information with others and allowed me to benefit in the process. The Resources There were a lot of resources shared in this conference, either through Tweets or on screen. Many of them are from Harold and Jane’s web sites. This is a list of resources including my Tweet stream which I created a Storify of. Hope you enjoyed my reflection, and I’m glad it wasn’t a full day because then I believe I’d have a novel on my hands. https://storify.com/technkl/nexconf http://www.bethkanter.org/seek-sense-share/ http://www.c4lpt.co.uk/blog/2013/11/30/my-daily-pkm-routine-practices-and-toolset/ http://www.jarche.com/2014/03/what-is-your-pkm-routine/ http://c4lpt.co.uk/janes-articles-and-presentations/going-social-its-not-just-about-new-social-technology-but-about-new-social-skills/ http://www.c4lpt.co.uk/blog/2014/01/21/slpp1/ http://www.jarche.com/2014/03/absorbing-complexity-with-pkm/ http://www.jarche.com/2014/03/what-is-your-pkm-routine/ http://www.jarche.com/2013/12/pkm-is-making-sense-of-complexity/ http://www.jarche.com/2013/09/discerning-with-whom-and-when-to-share/ http://www.jarche.com/2013/10/learning-is-the-work-2/ http://www.slideshare.net/janehart/ You might also enjoy: Tweet Your Way to Conference Success Empower Employees With A Wiki Command and Control

We’re taking a candid look at how management attempts to influence the bad behavior of employees and how effective these influence efforts are in creating change. Do any of these behaviors sound familiar in your workplace? People make commitments, but don’t take them seriously. Coworkers gossip or talk behind each others’ backs, creating cliques. When projects fall through, people shift blame instead of taking responsibility. Please weigh in by taking our 3-minute survey today. All who complete the survey will receive a free MP3 download from our Influencer Audio Companion. Listen as author Kerry Patterson shares how to increase your influence by making use of vicarious experiences. Thank you for your continued help in supporting our research efforts! Related posts: We Need Your Help: Ever Had a Crucial Conversation Go Social? When Your Employees Won’t Talk to You Influencing Litter Control

Estimated reading time: less than 2 minutes 30 seconds. A lot can go into writing a blog post, but not all that goes in is necessary. Some of it could be detrimental to getting the post out there. Putting less into a post can lower the barriers to getting your thoughts documented and out to the world. Sometimes it can be as simple as sitting down and writing down your thoughts. No length requirements, no need for an image or illustration. There are only two requirements for your post: Write down your thoughts and ideas. Read and revise at least once. You should have simple goals that are achievable to allow you to stick with them, any other addition is a barrier to your writing. There are many things that can present a barrier to posting. I experience them first hand, I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to barriers. I have several barriers of my own, and my conscious effort to reduce them is by writing this post. Self imposed barriers make my postings more difficult, and rather than posting, I choose not post at all. Identify Barriers Identifying your personal barriers is the first step to removing them. Here are a few barriers I’ve recognized: Every post needs to have a picture to add value. It’s true that a well chosen picture or illustration can add value, but it’s not always necessary. Sometimes it’s best to focus on the writing only. Some of the best blogs out there are simple and straightforward text only. I need to keep a regular post schedule. Many sources recommend it, but don’t let it become a barrier. It should remain only a suggestion. I made it a goal to post weekly (or bi-weekly), on Monday’s. This created a backlog of ideas. If I missed my Monday post, I felt like I couldn’t post again until the next Monday. Currently I’ve been posting on any day of the week and on occasion weekends too. Posts need to be a certain length. Length doesn’t dictate the value of the post, and I’ve realized this over time. My posts vary in length from 300 words to over 2,000 words. The important part is that I’m writing something of value to me (and some others), no matter the length. These are a few barriers that I’ve struggled with and identified. I still have to be conscious about them to make sure they don’t dictate my posting habits. It’s necessary to recognize that writing a post is more important than listening to your self imposed barriers. Call to Action Think about what some of your barriers in writing are. If you don’t have a blog, think about some of the barriers you impose on yourself in your life. What are some of your self imposed barriers to writing? How do you plan on achieving or have you achieved freedom from these barriers? Sorry, no related posts.

The ChallengeJ. Lynn Jones is a VitalSmarts veteran. An elementary school principal for sixteen years, he became a certified trainer in Crucial Conversations and used those tools to help his school boost achievement. When he was promoted to director at the Nebo School District in central Utah, he added a certification in Crucial Confrontations. He taught both courses to most of his 600-person staff and also offered them to other administrators, teachers, and support staff in his district. But his biggest challenge in his expanded role was a persistent one. He was responsible for special education in the district and focused particularly on the special education teachers in its twenty-seven elementary schools. These are the instructors who give extra help to mainstreamed students with learning disabilities. And they didn’t have a history or culture of being accountable to progress their students. "We had a number of veteran teachers who never had high expectations, and the kids never performed well. The teachers used the excuse that ‘these kids have disabilities’," he said. "In the end, we weren’t seeing good instruction and we weren’t seeing good results." Of about sixty teachers, Jones was comfortable with only five or six of their results. But because he was not a career special educator, he lacked immediate credibility to shake things up by himself. About the same time he came to this realization, he added another VitalSmarts certification to his credentials: Influencer Training. The Results: Read our case study to learn how J. Lynn used Influencer Training to boost literacy rates and double the number of special education students released into the regular school system. Related posts: Success Story: Crucial Conversations Training Improves Nurses’ Ability to Address Disruptive Physician Behavior Case Study: Influencer Training Helps Tennessee Health System Achieve 100% EHR Adoption Case Study: Influencer Training Helps Retailer Save Millions and Prosper in Economic Recession

ABOUT THE AUTHOR David Maxfield is coauthor of two New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything and Influencer. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I work in a busy, growing medical office with five support staff, and I share duties with a coworker who just turned seventy and has been with the clinic since it opened. We don’t have an office manager, so the clinic owners expect us, as peers, to come up with policies and procedures for the front desk, solve problems, and strategize on improvements. My coworker resists every suggestion of change or improvement to the front desk area and refuses to use the computer unless she has to. When I try to suggest changes in a nonthreatening manner, she gets very hostile and attacks me personally, and I no longer feel safe talking to her. The owners are aware of the situation, but they won’t address it. I want to see the clinic continue to grow but frankly don’t see how that can happen if the front desk doesn’t keep up with the times. Stuck in the 90s  Dear Stuck, You’ve just described an incredibly messy, complicated, and value-laden problem. There isn’t likely to be a simple or easy-to-implement solution. Let’s begin by identifying the different issues that are involved. You don’t have an office manager, so your team of five organizes its own work and handles any disagreements. One of your coworkers resists changes and improvements. This coworker becomes hostile and attacks you personally. This coworker is seventy years old and has been with the clinic since it opened. The owners are aware of this situation, but haven’t addressed it. The clinic is growing and the front desk needs to keep up with the times. I think we can break this problem into two parts based on who could take action to solve it. One problem is with your coworker—her resistance to change and her personal attacks. A second problem is with the owners—their unwillingness to take action. I would focus my efforts on the owners for a couple of reasons: I don’t think you will reach an accommodation with your coworker until they make their position clear. The owners have more options than you do for creating new solutions. In any case, I think they need to step up and take responsibility for the situation. Determine What You Really Want. Before you talk with the owners, decide what you want in the long-term for yourself, for the owners, for the clinic, and for your coworker. I’ll guess that you want the clinic to continue to grow, the front desk to keep up with the times, and a fair distribution of work within your team. Find Mutual Purpose. What do you think the owners want? I bet they want many of the same things you do, plus a couple more: They don’t want to have to get involved in personnel issues and they want to show loyalty to a loyal employee. Can you buy in to these five goals? Do you think the owners will as well? Agreeing that a high-quality solution will achieve all of these goals will take you a long way toward crafting a solution. Make It Motivating. There is a good chance the owners don’t share your view of the problem. They may see it as a personality clash, while you see it as a productivity issue. Take the time to describe the situations that occur, and the impacts they have on the clinic’s ability to function. Avoid personalizing these issues. Remember, the owners are prone to dismiss your concerns if they sound like personality differences. Stick to the facts as they relate to the clinic’s ability to grow. Make It Easy. Give the owners time and space to discuss possible solutions among themselves. Don’t press for a "simple" solution—one that could sound to the owners like you win and your coworker loses. Remember, the owners may want to reward your coworker’s loyalty as well as maintain a healthy workplace. This will take some consideration and creativity on their part. Yeah, But. There are several ways this conversation can go wrong. I’ll anticipate a couple. What if the owners still refuse to get involved? Here is how I would read this outcome: they want to protect your coworker, they don’t want to get involved in a personnel issue, and they think you can work it out on your own. That’s the story I’d tell myself, but I’d want to check it out with them. Ask them whether you are reading them correctly. If that is their position, then you need to ask yourself whether you can live with the results. It may mean redefining the roles within your front desk team. Your coworker may need to stick to her preferred jobs, while the rest of you work more flexibly. It may appear unfair on the surface, but maybe she’s earned it. What if the owners ask your coworker to change, but she doesn’t? What if she becomes even more hostile toward you as a result? The ideal is that peers hold peers accountable. However, peer accountability requires that leaders back them up when the going gets tough. Since you know this scenario is possible, discuss it with the owners in advance. They can’t just ask your coworker to change; they need to support her and hold her accountable. They need a plan—who will do what by when—and a way to follow up. Good luck with this tough situation. Have other readers resolved a similar situation? I’d love to hear what worked for you. David Related posts: Uncomfortable Conversations with a Coworker Coworker’s Personal Life Control Freak Coworker

Estimated reading time: less than 4 minutes. My second MOOC is nearing completion, I’m in the final week. This is my second experience in a MOOC and I’ve taken different approaches this time around. As with the current MOOC, my first one was also on the Coursera platform, both from the same school (Wharton). Gamification was my first experience and it was a good course. It was well put together, but as with all MOOCs, had its failings. My largest problem was in the way I approached the course. It was my first, and I was inexperienced about how to get the most from the experience. I felt isolated during the six week course. There were no good opportunities for reflection or interaction required in the course. Also, the forum to communicate with other classmates was overwhelming at best. Virtual Classes I’m not inexperienced in participating in the OC part of it either (online course), just in the M and O parts (massive and open). My Master’s program was remote, about 400 miles from the school I visited twice during the two year program. Why was my Master’s program so much more successful than any MOOC? To begin, it was a cohort of about 26 students allowing us to become a close group. One regular activity made the program more successful than any MOOC. The cohort reflected on the reading and wrote a post answering a few questions presented by the professor. The part that made this even more successful than just reflection? We read at least two other posts and responded. Not only did we reflect on the material, we also saw the material from a different point of view and discussed it with others. Many times the conversation led beyond the assignment, and to valuable and thoughtful interactions. This would be a difficult activity for a MOOC, but not impossible. The biggest problem would be that overwhelming feeling you get in a forum for 100,000+ people. If everyone was to write one post and respond to two others, the risk of it overwhelming the student would be more limited. A well defined goal by the professor would ease most negative feelings. The forums are currently overwhelming and have no defined goal, leading to no clear path to use them. It’s a sea of posts. So, how have I been able to more effectively participate in my Marketing MOOC? Early in the course I was invited to a G+ Community with much smaller numbers than the course itself. I made it a point to participate during the early parts of the course. As the course has continued, I’ve been participating a bit less, but it got me through those early stages of waning motivation. Once I was six weeks into the course, it wasn’t an option to drop it, and I haven’t. Peering down the final stretch of the course, I’m one short (late) week away from gaining my second certificate of completion from Coursera. MOOC Graveyard I’ve signed up for many courses which I’ve never completed. My most recent course was statistics. I made it through just less than two weeks before feeling I was in too deep and dropping it. To say statistics wasn’t beneficial to me is completely wrong though. It gave me the opportunity to get my feet wet, experiment in the material a bit to see if it was for me. Most importantly, it gave me a trial run to see what statistics was all about, and if the teacher was to my liking. Another one of my failed attempts was a course I signed up for and never went to the first class. I never got a notice the course had begun. I signed up weeks in advance, forgot about it, then half way through the course realized I had signed up. I don’t know how it happened and at this point don’t even remember what course it was. The Future of MOOCs They’ll always have a place in the education system, but  they’ll never replace entrenched institutions. There’s a long way to go before they reach their pinnacle. MOOCs also have some exploration to do before they reach successful pedagogical methods that work for their delivery medium. Every few months I’ll be checking if there are any interesting courses to take, and this one won’t be my last. As of right now I’m waiting to take the Coursera course "Understanding Media by Understanding Google". I’ll be waiting for a bit as it’s still in progress, so I’ll catch the next one in several months. Call To Action If you’re going to participate in a MOOC, make it count. Don’t rely on the larger student population to reflect and discuss topics with. Find a small weekly study group, a partner, or even a small community. You will be held more accountable for completing the course, and you will learn more. You might also enjoy: Expand Your Skills First Thoughts on Learned Helplessness

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Al Switzler is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, I was recently promoted to supervisor within a highly stressful telecommunications center. My entire team has complained about another employee’s personal hygiene and said that the offensive odor and unsanitary conditions of the employee’s workspace are so bad that it contributes to a hostile work environment. In the past, this was handled ineffectively and has now become a disciplinary situation. I know I need to hold this conversation, but because it is such a sensitive issue and the employee is otherwise a spectacular employee, I am at a loss as to how to begin the conversation. Please help! Dreading B.O. Conversation  Dear Dreading, What do we do when someone’s behavior negatively affects others and they don’t seem to know it or can’t seem to change? In addition to body odor and cleanliness, this behavior could include things like inappropriate dress or language, too much small talk, and smoking in incorrect places. All of these behaviors create gaps—the difference between what is agreed upon or expected and what is actually happening. We can endure small, infrequent gaps and hope they go away, but when the gap is serious and when it is a pattern—as it is in your situation—what do you do? Here are a few strategies. Clarify two kinds of expectations. The first expectation is reviewing or discussing expected behaviors and the reason behind them. When you are first promoted, or when there is a new team member or a new quarter, take the opportunity to meet and talk about the few expectations that will help your team work together effectively. This might include talking about past gaps that have hindered the team or the work. For example, you might want to talk about proper dress and grooming standards. The reason for this is that customers have expectations, managers and employees have expectations, and these expectations make it easier to work in close quarters as a team. I suggest that you never work on more than three or four behavioral expectations as a team—these should be important issues your team struggles with most. The second expectation is really important: when someone sees a gap, talk about it. Ask each team member to agree that when someone falls short of expectations, those who see it will privately, politely, and professionally talk to him or her. You won’t get angry or gossip; you’ll talk. The reason is that when we don’t talk about a gap, we lower the standards of the company and we increase the probability someone will get offended, gossip will run rampant, and team morale will go down. As a team, identify gaps and solve concerns before they become real problems. Give the person the benefit of the doubt. We teach people who face a gap to ask themselves, "Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person act this way?" By asking that question, you avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that can move you to make wrong diagnoses. It also prevents you from beginning your conversation in a way that says in essence, "I have held court in my head and found you guilty. Can we talk?" Such a beginning is not helpful and makes you part of the problem. You want to start the conversation by sending the message that you are observant, inquisitive, and caring. You want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. You do this by helping yourself understand that until you talk about it, you don’t know—you are only guessing. In your case, maybe the person has started taking a new medicine, or maybe his or her house burned down and he or she is living out of a car. You don’t know. Give yourself the opportunity to do a real diagnosis and to maintain the relationship. Discuss gaps early. Identify the gap when it first appears, then find a safe time and a private place to talk. Over the years, we’ve talked about the skills for beginning an accountability conversation or "the hazardous half minute." And we know that if you begin correctly, you are much more likely to find a solution. In Crucial Confrontations, we teach that you should first describe the difference between what is expected and what has been observed then end with a question. For example, if an employee came in late you could say, "I just want to clarify that working hours start at 8:00 and I noticed you came in today at 8:25. What happened?" You should say this in a way that is nonjudgmental. If the person is wearing too much perfume or cologne, you might begin with, "One of the expectations we have is that we will work together in ways that makes it pleasant for others. I have noticed that your cologne is very noticeable, and I’m hoping you can wear less of it. Can we discuss this?" Let’s assume the person says "yes" and we have caught it early. If they disagree, that is another problem. If you don’t discuss it early, the problem lingers. Coworkers gossip and don’t invite this person to lunch. Another employee calls the person names behind his or her back and one person lets a sarcastic comment fly. Now trust and respect have diminished. Gossip and hurt feelings have increased. Why? Because nobody spoke up early about the gap. Trust the process. If you begin your conversation in a way that says you are not judging, and that you are observant and caring—both about the standards and about your colleague—you are well on your way. In a private place, at a good time, after you have your head and heart in the right place, and if you had previously clarified expectations as I described above, you might say, "A few weeks ago, we all agreed to a dress and grooming standard that would help us serve our customers and work well together. This is a bit awkward for me to say, but I’ve noticed that when you come to work you have a body odor that is noticeable. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’d like to talk about what’s going on and what could be done to meet the expectations." Your purpose is clear in your words and in your behavior. If you didn’t have a clear expectation, you would substitute the first sentence by saying something like, "I think it’s important that everyone come to work in alignment with certain dress and grooming standards." Notice what should not be said at this point. For example, don’t say that others have complained to you. Share that information only if the person says it’s just your opinion. Don’t use inflammatory words like stink, stench, or reek. And certainly don’t use the indirect approach by anonymously leaving a bar of soap on the person’s desk. Over the years, as I’ve discussed the idea of bringing up a tough subject in front of large groups, I’ve asked participants to raise their hands if they have ever had to talk to someone about a "body odor" issue. Hundreds of hands have been raised, most often accompanied by audible sighs and shaking heads as people reflect on many bad experiences. Then I asked how many should have spoken up but didn’t. Many more hands go up and I can see many more negative reflections. You are not alone. I hope this advice will help you feel more motivated and able to step up to the conversation and help an otherwise spectacular employee. I wish you the best,Al Related posts: Confronting Late Employees When Your Employees Won’t Talk to You Giving Feedback to Defensive Employees

When she first met her husband, Patty Loeffler was thin, active, and the picture of good health. But nine years into her marriage, Patty found herself 100 pounds overweight and a perpetual yo-yo dieter. She had joined and left Weight Watchers so many times that she was embarrassed to even consider going back. And yet, she knew she needed to make a big change. That’s why in 2012, she made the resolution to simply "get healthy"—and the timing couldn’t have been better. In March 2012, Patty enlisted in Influencer Training by VitalSmarts. Already a Crucial Conversations certified trainer, she was excited to learn the Six Sources of Influence model for changing behavior. When prompted to identify a change challenge to which she could apply the model and principles, she selected her "get healthy" initiative. Shortly after, she received the newest book from VitalSmarts, Change Anything, which helped her further apply the Six Sources of Influence to her personal goals. Patty started her "get healthy" change plan by identifying two vital behaviors that proved to be instrumental to her success: 1. Make a plan. Patty found planning to be essential. She not only planned her healthy meals, but also where she would go if and when she ate out. She learned where all the healthy restaurants and meals were in the city so she would never have to make a last-minute unhealthy choice. 2. Weigh daily. By weighing herself daily, she found that she could stay on top of her weight loss and most importantly, quickly get back on track if she started slipping. Patty used all six sources of influence to help keep her vital behaviors, but she attributes the majority of her success to social motivation and ability. She says the social influence that was missing from her past diet attempts meant the difference between her success and the years of failure. Patty recruited her husband and son to join her in her goal to get healthy. Like Patty, her husband also had a history of failed weight loss, and as a result, was pretty reticent to participate. But after Patty begged him, he agreed and they made a very serious commitment to each other that they would see the plan through to the end. When Patty’s son came home from college that summer, she also recruited him to participate, and together the three found success in applying the model from Influencer and Change Anything. The Six Sources of Influence Patty identified to help keep her behaviors included: Personal Motivation - Patty hung her skinniest jeans on her closet door which served as a daily reminder of what she looked like and how good she felt when she first met her husband. The jeans also reminded her that at the age of 53, her window of opportunity to change was closing as she may only face more health issues in the future. Personal Ability - A key part of Patty’s plan included a nutrition program called Ideal You sponsored by her employer. At first, Patty was skeptical this would be just another failed diet plan, but this program taught her skills to control her diet with higher protein and lower carbohydrates and fats—skills she never learned before. There was also a phased approach which began by limiting her diet in the beginning and slowly adding in healthy foods as she learned to get her intake under control. The program also taught her effective strategies to maintain her weight loss. Social Motivation and Ability - Patty and her husband faced every part of their weight loss journey together. They started by publicly announcing their diet at her daughter-in-law’s birthday party. This public proclamation lead to support from her entire extended family. Her husband also did most of the shopping under their approved dietary guidelines and they began exercising together and spent less of their time together watching TV or eating out at unhealthy restaurants. Patty also garnered support at work. She teamed up with a few coworkers who also had a goal to get healthy and they spearheaded a transformation of their entire team. For example, they stopped bringing in unhealthy food to celebrate events and when they ate out together, they went to healthy restaurants. Patty’s family and friends never made her feel bad for wanting to choose healthy meal options. On the contrary, many actually thanked Patty for her example and motivating them to make their own healthy choices. Patty also attributes much of her success in beginning an exercise regimen to the help of personal trainers who reintroduced her to exercise and how to do it effectively. Structural Motivation - Instead of falling into old habits of rewarding herself with her favorite foods, Patty started going to the spa and treating herself to massages, manicures, and pedicures when she hit her weight loss goals. She was also really motivated to change by shopping for cute clothes she couldn’t fit into previously and the money she saved from giving up expensive and fattening fast food meals helped to offset the expense of a new wardrobe. Patty was also motivated to stick to her new diet because it was a plan she paid to be part of and she didn’t want to see that money go to waste. Structural Ability - Early on, Patty decided to chart her weight loss. This strategy helped her to see her long-term success—which was a tremendous motivator during the weeks of plateau. She also changed her surroundings. She brought exercise equipment out of storage and placed it in her family room. She also got rid of all the junk food in the house. She even made changes at work. For the first time in her career, she began to use the on-site personal trainer and fitness center provided by her employer. Results By using the change plan found in Change Anything, Patty shattered a long history of failure to lose weight. In just nine months, she lost an impressive 102 pounds. And, as it turns out, her weight loss impacted her life in even more immediate ways. After discovering a life-threatening illness months into her get healthy initiative, doctors told her that losing the weight was the best thing she could have done and possibly even slowed the progression of the disease thus allowing it to be discovered and treated at an early stage. Patty wasn’t the only one who experienced such dramatic success. The social influences she learned about in Change Anything really made a difference not only for her but also for her husband and son. In the end, Patty’s husband lost 80 pounds and her son lost 100 pounds, proving that with the right plan, you really can change for good. Related posts: Change Challenger Terri has lost 21 of 50 pounds Bobby Robbins: Lost 12 of 50 pounds…and counting Success Story: Nebo School District Uses Influencer Training to Improve Student Performance

Estimated reading time: less than 5 minutes 30 seconds. Over the past few months I’ve seen a few stories about how people got into the field of Learning & Development. In the spirit of sharing, I thought I’d share my story of how I got here. I feel I should start with my current role, because that’s where this story is heading. I’m a senior Instructional Designer in the healthcare industry. My journey has been long, winding through three industries and a handful of organizations. While not as haphazard of a journey as most, I’ve still gone through a lot of changes. My journey began a long, long time ago, during my employment in the K-12 industry. I was finishing up my undergraduate degree, and working in an elementary school as a computer technician. Being a computer technician, it would appear that I was only involved in the Information Technology world. My work was interwoven with elementary school teachers though. This was my introduction into the world of education, just a different kind of education. My role was IT related, but my everyday work was related to supporting the performance (or development) of kids. During this time, I was going to school as a designer for the web. What a wonderful pair my work and school provided. Designing web pages and working with technology, the possibilities for student development. Up to this point I had no introduction into the Learning & Development world, or Instructional Design. The introduction came during one of my web design courses. A professor I often had, received a Masters degree in Instructional Design. I didn’t take an immediate interest though, it was passing information that sunk into my subconscious. Full Speed Ahead After completing my undergraduate degree, I continued combining IT with the California public school system. It wasn’t until I desired to expand my reach of helping people learn that I recalled my professor being an Instructional Design graduate. The path I wanted to go made sense, so I researched taking my web design knowledge, and focusing it on education. This spark didn’t occur for a year after graduating my undergraduate program though. Seeking to go into the same program my professor had gone through, I looked at the same school I graduated from and knew had the program. Budget cuts had taken their toll in the California public school system though. Various programs had been cut, many of which were graduate programs. I continued to seek out a similar program. With luck, I found one! It was from a Southern California State school and fit my needs. I wasn’t prepared, nor will I ever be, to move to Southern California though. Luckily it was almost completely remote.  I traveled to Orange County only two times during the entire program, and I’m fortunate to have family just 20 minutes from the area. I not only got to see relatives, I brought my family along also and made a mini vacation out of it, Disneyland here I come. Oh, and startup bootcamp which is what they called the first meeting. Beginning the Climb During my graduate program, I began climbing deeper into the Instructional Design world. My life revolved around the topic and its many sub-topics. My graduate program was personal, with a structured set of classes. All 26 or so of us were in a cohort who went through the entire program together, and graduated together. In my desire to expand my reach, I made the jump from a small California school district into the Silicon Valley area. While my role was not L&D related, I created opportunities to involve myself in other’s learning. I was able to volunteer to train peers within my role, including those in the Russian office. I was also able to create a self paced training module to assist new team members in getting up to speed on what the company sells. While I was in this role, I was able to complete my graduate program, and seek a role that would better align with my goals. This brought me into the staffing industry, where I learned to put my formal Instructional Design knowledge to work. My audience was expanded, and I was having a great effect on the organization. I was able to not only fine tune my knowledge, but expand it by innovating with new technologies and methods. Thirsty To create the best stuff possible, I needed to innovate and take my creations to the next level. Twitter and the Learning & Development community allowed me to do this. I not only began to take part in the online L&D community, I began writing in my own blog to better reflect on my learning. My thirst for knowledge has yet to let up, and has increased during my time as an Instructional Designer. I am currently in the healthcare industry, always on a mission to feed my hunger for knowledge to better affect my organization. I’ve worked with a lot of great people, which I have learned a great deal from. The online community has been a great resource for information and inspiration also. Currently I take part in as many new learning opportunities as I can. Online Twitter chats fuel my inspiration and knowledge, and I take part in #chat2lrn. Other’s blogs fuel my knowledge, desire, and ability to try new things in my current role. Going to Innovate My ultimate goal is to expand my effect on the organizations I am a part of, and work with people who have these same goals. From social enterprise networks, to mobile learning, I love new technology. I love looking for new ways to innovate in the field of professional development with technology, new and old. Beyond my organization goals, I also would like to write a book and speak at a conference. Further out on my goal timeline is to move into the consulting world as a free agent. Share Alike Now that I’ve shared my story on how I got here, I’d like to encourage you to do the same. While my story isn’t as haphazard and unplanned as many stories I’ve heard, people are still interested. The biggest mistake you can make in your career is to think that people aren’t interested in what you have to say. If you think that, you’ll never get the feedback and idea sharing that expands you. Share your work, share your learning, play a part beyond consumer and lurker because your opinion is valued. You can’t innovate in your own life without the inspiration from others sharing with you. If you haven’t written anything for the public to see, do so. You can start by leaving a comment here on how you got here, wherever you are. You might also enjoy: First Thoughts on Learned Helplessness Expand Your Skills MOOCs Have a Long Way To Go