Over a year ago I began to share what I am learning at the moment. I did this through the hashtag #LrnToday which I also encouraged others to do. It’s been a while since I’ve reflected on how well it has worked and how I’ve updated it. A while being since I first posted about the hashtag and then later created a page for #LrnToday. Forced Reflection As I think over the times I’ve used the hashtag, I realize I still have a long way to go to make it a habit. I need to start thinking about and sharing when I’m learning something new. It’s easy to learn something new and have it melt into my mind quickly becoming part of the knowledge that’s already there. It’s easy to forget who I learned something from or where it fits into the broader picture. How do you attribute to someone’s inspiration and influence when you have no idea where it came from in your mind? Not only that, but if I share what I’m learning about at that moment, I get feedback instantly from others if they already know or have interest in the topic. If you asked me how I learned something specifically I wouldn’t be able to answer. I’ve learned over time by doing different things and playing around. LrnToday is meant to force me to be more conscientious about from whom and about what I’m learning. Joining In Over the past year and handful of months a few others have joined in sharing what they learned through the #LrnToday hashtag, although it’s been inconsistent at best. It’s easy to start sharing the learning with others but then forget the next time. I even have a hard time myself remembering to Tweet what I’ve learned recently. It’s common for Twitter chats to begin with everybody sharing what they’ve learned today, this week, etc. The idea of creating #LrnToday was born out of this practice. Twitter chats occur weekly or every other week though and learning never stops. If you only reflect on what you learned weekly, it’ll either be lost or melt into the rest. Sharing and reflecting on what’s been learned recently is a daily activity, if not hourly. Reflection & Research For the times I have remembered to use the #LrnToday hashtag, I now have a documented time and topic of what I learned. If I couldn’t learn in as much detail as I’d liked the first time around, I have all those Tweets to refer back to. I now have a permanent memory of a topic that I’d love to dive deeper into but wasn’t able to the first time I learned about it. I will for one be spending some time researching and learning about the topic Cynefin. I in fact just did a quick search for #LrnToday Cynefin and found when and from whom I was introduced to the topic from. I can now take that topic and the conversation that occurred around it and have a better jumping off point for my research. Failure or Success I’ve been thinking if I would consider #LrnToday a failure or a success. Only a small handful of people have used #LrnToday and I’ve been introduced to some interesting topics, and words, but the hashtag remains mostly me. So, if the hashtag going viral is a sign of success, it’s been a failure. Having something go viral isn’t success for me though. In fact it would make it unusable and overwhelming noise if it was used too much. Success for me is the hashtag providing a place for me and others to share about what’s being learned at the moment. Giving a place to reflect, learn, share what’s learned with the ability to retrieve the information later. It’s done that successfully for me, so in my eyes it has been a success. I’ve learned new things, shared what I’m learning and will continue to do so. I hope others join in the reflection and gain something for themselves from #LrnToday. In the end it doesn’t really matter if it’s a failure or success as seen by others, it’s what it has brought to those who take advantage of it including myself. I’m still to this day finding it useful and still hope to learn more from others as they bring topics they’re learning to #LrnToday. #ResolutionNow I don’t believe in huge leaping New Year’s Resolutions so as I began last year with a resolution now, I shall begin this year. I’m going to make a greater effort to continue sharing on #LrnToday and make it a point to reflect daily on anything new I’ve learned. I also want to make a greater effort to share the #LrnToday love with others so I can learn more about those things I have no idea I’m interested in learning about. My resolution is to have on great big learning party the entire year whether I know I want to know more or not. Your Turn I’m eager to learn more about everything but I have no idea what (ok I have a few ideas). Take the time and join in the discussion on Twitter with #LrnToday. Just a quick sentence to reflect on what you’ve learned or what you hope to learn more about, that’s all it takes. It’s your turn to join in the learning and sharing and perhaps learning something you had no idea you wanted to learn. The beauty of #LrnToday is that it’s open to anybody on any topic to enhance the diversity of life and learning. Inspiration and innovation come from diversity, and #LrnToday provides diversity of learning. The post Learning From Others appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: Share What You’ve Learned Today: #LrnToday Reflecting On The Year - 2013 Learned Helplessness of Learning #chat2lrn

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ron McMillan is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My mother-in-law refuses to accept me as part of the family. She talks badly about me behind my back and even refuses to look at me when I walk into a room. For the eight years my husband and I have been together, she has never accepted me for who I am. The one time he tried to talk to her about the situation, she yelled at him, told him she would stay away from him, and hung up the phone. Now that my husband and I are expecting our first child, I would like all of this childish nonsense to stop. Please help! Mentally Exhausted Dear Exhausted, Thank you for your question. Though this is already a difficult and painful situation, I feel I should begin with the bad news. If you do everything we tell you in our books, exactly the way we tell you and the other person does not want to dialogue, you won’t dialogue. Don’t you just hate that? The crucial conversations skills are not a way to compel or control others—they don’t work to manipulate or deceive. The other person still has a choice as to how they will respond to you and you cannot control them. So it may be that your mother-in-law will never respond to you in the way you desire. Sorry! That said, often if we initiate a conversation using effective principles and skills and are consistent in our use of them over time, the other person will come around. Though the effective use of these principles and skills do not guarantee the outcome you desire, they increase the probability of mutually beneficial results. There are a lot of things to work through to make the relationship with your mother-in-law work. She has been silent and withdrawn for a long time. It seems you are not clear on her reasons and what problems might need addressing. You also need to create clear expectations between you and your husband to make sure you are both on the same page. There’s some heavy lifting that needs to be done. But your toughest challenge will be beginning this crucial conversation in a way that engages your mother-in-law in dialogue, so you have the best chance of working things out. Rather than hash through the wounds of the past, I would recommend focusing on the relationship you want going forward. The principles you want to utilize are Start with Heart, Mutual Purpose, and Mutual Respect. Start with Heart. Get clear about what you really want. Let’s assume you want a respectful, caring relationship with your mother-in-law, and you want her to be involved in the life of your new child. Getting clear about your motives for having this crucial conversation helps you act on your most noble intentions. These good motives and intentions will guide what you say and do in a helpful way. Build Mutual Respect. I would suggest you next build Mutual Respect by asking her permission to talk with her. This is best done in person. If that would be too difficult, you could do it over the phone, but your mother-in-law will not be able to see your non-verbal actions or your facial expressions in order to gauge your sincerity. If you talk over the phone, you will have to emphasize your real intent and check her intent frequently. You might say something like this "As you know, we will be having a baby soon and I want to talk to you about our family. Would that be alright?" If she says "no" to your invitation, leave it open for your next conversation by saying something like "Okay. When you are ready to discuss this please let me know" and disengage. Give her some time before you try again. Build Mutual Purpose. If she is open to the discussion or gives a vague reply, you are ready to continue the conversation. Build Mutual Purpose by sharing your good intentions. Recall what you "really want" and share it with her. Perhaps you could say "I really want you to be a part of my family and a part of my baby’s life. Also, I would like a respectful relationship between you and I. Is this something we can talk about?" By proposing the Mutual Purpose of "being part of my family and part of my baby’s life" you give her an opportunity to consider whether that is what she really wants. Your demonstration of respect (inviting her into your family, disclosing that you want a relationship with her, and asking if she’s willing to talk about it) should soften her heart and lower her defenses. This approach increases the likelihood of being able to talk about these difficult issues. If she rebukes your efforts, realize this is just your first effort to have this crucial conversation. Look for openings in the future and create opportunities to revisit the conversation. Remember to consistently look for Mutual Purpose and always show respect. If she responds positively to your efforts and shows a willingness to discuss her role in your family, you have begun this crucial conversation on a firm, safe footing. You now have an opportunity to create a new relationship and open up a new, better chapter in your family’s story. All the best, Ron Related posts: How to Mend Relationships after Years of Silence Improving Relationships with In-laws Before and After: Smoking Conversations by Connie Smock

I noticed a ReTweet from Shannon Tipton yesterday morning where she was disagreeing with the flop part of the following blog post: What eLearning Trends Will Pop, Flop and Flip in 2015? Predictably, I disagree w/"Flop" - you? RT @Interactyx: Do you agree with these eLearning trends for 2015? http://t.co/lsnzV2LlIb #Lrnchat — Shannon Tipton (@stipton) January 19, 2015 That caught my attention and I had to explore further.  Things get a bit murky when you combine eLearning with anything, especially social learning. After skimming some of the article but reading thoroughly about the flop, I naturally disagreed with it also. In what world could social learning be waning? It’s the way humans have always learned, even back to prehistoric times. The post isn’t that simple though. It’s not saying social learning is fizzling, it’s saying social learning in the context of eLearning is. At least that’s what I think it’s talking about, really it’s not well-defined in the post, not nearly well enough to say what is flopping. What are Social Media-styled eLearning Tools? I don’t know. Does anybody? My first thought is the fad several years ago where rapid development tools were shoving in ways to Tweet from within a course and calling it social learning. I’m not necessarily against that, it could further discussions if it was used. The link to Sharon Boller’s post doesn’t fit the description of  what’s being discussed either (and frankly I don’t understand how it relates to the conclusion of them flopping). What Sharon discusses has nothing to do with eLearning in the traditional sense. Sharon’s post is at least easier to disagree with and know exactly what you’re disagreeing with My only conclusion is that the post has no conclusion (or knowledge) about what is meant by social media-styled eLearning tools. So, since this isn’t very clear, I’m going to assume it has something to do with social learning and eLearning, in which case if either of those is going to be a flop, it’s eLearning. Social Learning Social learning surely can’t be dying, or flopping, or fizzling. It’s not. It’s a natural progression of how people really learn, not a fad that’s only 10 years old (or . People have learned socially for thousands of years and since computers and social media it has merely taken a modern turn. Since the beginning of social media social learning has taken off. People have used it to: Develop their professional knowledge. Learn about their hobbies. Learn how to be more efficient at a job task. Learn about what they didn’t know they didn’t know. Learn about what they knew they didn’t know. And more! People have done all of this without L&D even being involved and the messiness and slowness that training and courses brings along with it. Social learning will only grow, and L&D will have to catch up the further it falls behind. Weaving social learning into eLearning was only the first attempt of L&D mainstream to deal with social learning that inevitably happens. L&D has the unfortunate craving to control the experience and make everything pass through their gates. L&D will fail at controlling, just as IT has failed at controlling. People are going to learn socially just as they are going to bring their own IT equipment to the office. It’s up to L&D to figure how to work WITH social learning and empower people to use it even more effectively to learn, not fight it and control it and make it go through their gates. Pop or Flop? If social learning flops, then L&D and the organization will also flop with it because it’s the only way for an organization to stay relevant. L&D will become a dinosaur if it doesn’t recognize this and will become obsolete. eLearning will have a limited effect on the modern organization. Training can only go so far, and is used unnecessarily more than it isn’t. My only conclusion is that social learning will pop. It will become more relevant than eLearning ever was. Just because throwing a Twitter hashtag inside a course doesn’t work well doesn’t mean social learning is a flop, or even social media-styled eLearning tools (whatever that is!). My conclusion is that eLearning will eventually flop, but social learning will indeed pop and continue to pop. It will be recognized as the most important way forward in learning and the tools that support it will grow in importance to organizations who want to thrive. Social Learning Tools There are tons of great tools out there to accommodate social learning, but they aren’t social learning tools, they are social tools. There’s no such thing as a tool out there that can be used for only learning. Be it a LMS, rapid development tools, or whatever. These tools have a limited use and will have a limited lifespan. Think more along the lines of Yammer or Chatter. These are not social learning tools, they are social tools to enable people to connect and learn from each other. Social learning is something that happens within these tools among a myriad of other things. eLearning has a limited purpose and limited life. Social learning has been around before eLearning and will continue to thrive well after the fad of eLearning has faded away. I’m Hungry I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry for information, hungry to learn, and hungry to learn from the best of the best. Social is the only way for me to do this. I’ve heard again and again that employees of organizations around the globe are hungry to learn and they’re going to find a way to do it with or without L&D. Employees are hungry for information and they are hungry for a place to socially learn, collaborate, and share which all go hand in hand. eLearning will continue to keep its niche for some time but it will by no means enter the mainstream and stay there. Social on the other hand has broken into the mainstream a long time ago and with it has brought social learning, wider collaboration, tearing down of silos, and all kinds of other great things. Social learning has been around forever, but we’ve entered a new era where we can now learn and share on a global scale with no boundaries of the organization. Even from within the organization we can share knowledge at speeds previously unknown. What do you say? is modern social learning the best thing since sliced bread or is it bound to unravel and fail? The post Social Learning Has Never Been About a Single Tool appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. 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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I manage a group of more than thirty employees at six different locations, and my office is at yet another location. Needless to say, I do not see or speak to each person every day. I have set the expectation—with multiple reminders—that everyone needs to be in the office by a specific time, but I have heard that some employees don’t meet this expectation. I don’t have someone to report to me when someone is late—chronically or otherwise—and I have no way of knowing when a person arrives at work because these are salaried employees who do not punch a time clock.

 How can I hold my employees accountable to my expected arrival time or any other unmeasurable performance expectations when I manage from afar? Long-Distance Manager Dear Manager, It’s time for you to ask "What do I really want?" More on that in a moment. For the sake of discussion, I’m going to assume your employees are, in fact, frequently showing up late. Obviously, that’s an open question since you seem to be dealing with rumor here, but let’s just say for the moment it’s true. I worry that you’re putting yourself into the same position the renowned psychologist Phil Zimbardo put subjects into at Stanford a few decades ago. In Zimbardo’s "Stanford Prison Experiment," he randomly assigned subjects to play the role of either guard or prisoner in the basement of the psych building. Within hours, those assigned to be guards were donning dark glasses, carrying pseudo truncheons, and referring to "prisoners" as though they were some lower form of life. Similarly, those assigned the role of prisoner began to act powerless and resentful and plot ways of provoking and rebelling against the "guards." Now, I don’t picture you sporting a night stick and wearing shades. But you could be unintentionally putting yourself in the role of "guard" by asking for commitment to a behavior that a) they don’t buy into; and b) you can’t naturally inspect. If you continue down this path, you might get increasingly resentful and they might get increasingly rebellious because, in a sense, you’ve cast yourselves in the roles of guard and prisoners. I worry about that as well because you used the phrase, "I have set the expectation—with multiple reminders—that everyone needs to be in the office by a specific time." It doesn’t sound like they agree that this is a reasonable requirement, only that you expect it of them. Once again, you’re the guard and they’re the prisoners. The only way out of this mess is dialogue. And dialogue means that they come in open to have their minds changed—and that you do the same. The conversation you need to have is, "What results are we trying to achieve?" and "How will we measure our success?" Answering these two questions is the first of the three keys to influence we write about in Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change. If you don’t have clarity and commitment to the answers to these two questions, you will spend your life herding cats. So, in anticipation of this crucial conversation, let me play the role of thought partner. What do you really want? What results do these offices really need to achieve? If you want people to be on time because these are customer service locations—and you know customer wait times are unacceptably long from 8-9 a.m., then stop focusing on punctuality and start focusing on customer wait times. If you believe these salaried folks are just not working hard enough, then what is your evidence? Is it that they take longer to produce an engineering drawing than industry standards? If so, then talk with them about productivity or cycle time measures. Punctuality is likely a means to an end—not the end itself that you really want. So clarify that end and how you’ll measure success or failure. Then let go of trying to control the means and hold people accountable for the real goals. If it turns out that they can saunter in at 9:30 a.m. and achieve everything you say you want—at a stellar level—will you be okay with that? If not, then you have one of two problems. Either you haven’t specified what you really want—i.e. there are some other results you haven’t put into words yet—or you are trying to impose your own idiosyncrasies on others and need to let go of that desire. If you start dictating methods, you undermine engagement. When people behave badly, it’s often a sign of a deeper problem—such as a lack of commitment to results. Spend some time clarifying the results you care about. Engage others in dialogue to develop a shared commitment to those results. Agree on valid ways of measuring how you’re doing. Then let your people find their own best way to succeed. Or, you can buy some dark glasses! Joseph Related posts: Managing Without Authority Influencing Unprofessional Dress

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Al Switzler is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, I believe it’s paramount to maintain a positive working relationship with all of our potential vendors, whether we use them or not. The goodwill of healthy person-to-person relationships often translates into discounts, freebies, and other considerations that benefit my company in the long run. At issue is what happens when a campaign doesn’t work or if we have a disagreement with a vendor. My superior’s knee-jerk response is to insist that we never work with the company again. He appears to enjoy this tactic and even preempts me by canceling contracts. Given my beliefs and that our niche market has a limited selection of vendors, this feels premature and reactive to me. How can I help him understand that his approach is detrimental to our marketing program and is making my own job that much harder? Peacemaker Dear Peacemaker, To answer this question, I need to hark back to the creation of our name: VitalSmarts. (By the way, I love to hark.) For many years, as we consulted with managers and teams, we used a tool we called the Death-to-Vitality Continuum. The essence of the tool is this: Every individual, team, or organization fits on a continuum between death and vitality and is moving one way or the other. A leader’s primary responsibility is to help move her- or himself, her team, or his organization measurably toward vitality. The skills and tactics that move them toward vitality are the "smarts." Hence our name, VitalSmarts. As part of this strategy, we defined what vital means. In every case, and particularly in your situation, being vital means having all stakeholders willing and able to maintain a positive relationship with you. This goal becomes a balancing act. Some of the actions we take to please one stakeholder can negatively affect another. For example, if you lower the price of your service, you may find that you don’t have the revenue to pay your employees well. On the other hand, if you give employees a raise, and then raise the price of your service, fewer customers may purchase it. In either case, your organization may become less vital. Keeping all stakeholders balanced can be difficult. There are other strategies that can also cause imbalance. One of those is process improvement. In complicated processes, leaders sometimes try to streamline one part of the process to reduce steps and costs, unwittingly moving the work and the cost to another department or team. And the new frustration can stay buried for months. I repeat, keeping all stakeholders in balance is difficult and important. That’s why in the best organizations, leaders have balanced scorecards that help them frequently see what’s happening so they can analyze and adjust. Before I get to your situation, let me highlight one other factor. Not all stakeholders are equally visible or regularly measured. For example, many teams and organizations have measures that can allow a lag in the information they use to inform decisions. Often, financial measures are conducted daily, customer satisfaction measures monthly, and employee satisfaction yearly. A lot of dissatisfaction can grow in that time span. It is also interesting to note that when it comes time to identify key stakeholders, too often, one or more are overlooked until there is a crisis. Among the stakeholders that are always identified are owners, customers, financial institutions, and employees. Vendors, suppliers, regulators, and resellers however, are often missed. When any of these become unable or unwilling to maintain a positive relationship with the organization, vitality can suffer. So here is some advice on talking with your superior to ensure your organization remains balanced and vital: 1. Share how vendors are important stakeholders. Be specific about how having a positive relationship has helped you, your team, and the company. Tell detailed stories about how a specific vendor went the extra mile to help your company out of a jam because your relationship with that vendor was positive. 2. Share how a relationship that has been improved is often better than one that has never met with a difficulty. Research on customer satisfaction supports this. If a customer has a negative experience with a company and that company responds with an appropriate solution, the customer’s loyalty is higher than that of a customer who has never had a problem to begin with. I’m not suggesting that you create a problem to solve, but that you solve the ones that come. Share stories about how this has worked for you. 3. Put the right issue on the table with your boss. You have two issues. One difference you have with your boss is opposing opinions about stakeholders in general and vendors in specific. You need to dialogue about that difference of opinion. You also have a second issue: your superior’s actions with vendors and how they have put important relationships at risk and made your job harder. The second issue is harder to discuss, I imagine. But talking about the first issue, and not getting to the second will not solve your concerns. You need to find out why he does what he does. You need to really try to understand. You need to be equally determined to help him understand how his actions are affecting your job. You need to get to the point where both of you understand what actions you each need to take to allow trust to be present in your relationship. Your challenge is typical of many differences that affect how people work or live together. People have differences about what is the highest priority, about what defines quality, about what order things should be done in, and so on. There are enough differences to go around. Often these differences are unseen and unstated until there is some friction. "Ah, there’s the rub." To solve these differences, you need to make sure you create the conditions of Safety, Mutual Respect, and Mutual Purpose. Then candidly and courteously put the issue on the table. Even with our best efforts, we sometimes don’t find a mutual solution; but with our best efforts, odds are we will. I wish you well, Al Related posts: Tired of Complaints Responding to Cheap Shots and Personal Attacks

I sat down this evening to write a post I’ve had in my idea pad for some time. I was going to write about mobile and the enterprise. Tonight I feel unmotivated to write about either of those. Sometimes a topic sounds of great interest, and other times your brain isn’t in that same through process to think of great things to write about it. The Question What do you do when you’re not motivated to do something? I think that’s a very easy question to answer in my case for posting to my blog. Switch gears and choose something else that I feel more in the mood to write. That’s all good for my blog, but what about a project that you have to get done? What if there are deadlines breathing down the back of your neck and there’s no way you could put it off even one more hour? That question is a bit more tough to answer when you consider those circumstances. Now you can’t simply set your current project aside and move to something that inspires you more. You’re stuck. Take a second to think of a situation like this you’ve been in. It could be as soon as yesterday, it could be last year. Ask yourself again. What do you do when you’re not motivated to do something? Means of Motivation One of the biggest challenges of Learning & Development is to motivate people to want to spend their time with us and not something they’d rather be doing. There are all sorts of things to attempt to motivate. You know, those things to try to get a person lost in what they’re doing. Games? Yes, that’s one of them. That popular buzzword gamification, but really it’s just motivation. Or at least the attempt of motivation. Have you ever been in a situation where you can tell somebody put a lot of effort into trying to motivate you to do something? Something like a training event where they tried so hard to "gamify" it? I have. The problem with this is that they tried so hard they forgot about the content, it’s boring and there’s too much. It was intended that I’d be motivated to go further, to do good, but I just wanted to get through it as quick as possible. This is what happens 9 times out of 10 when training is "gamified." How do you motivate someone that’s just not as interested as you in the topic? The Answer(s?) I don’t have the answer to how boring content can be made into something fun. I do have the answer to how you can get somebody through it as quickly as possible so there’s less chance they will get bored though! I have dedicated a large part of the past year working within an IT L&D department thinking and wondering how this stuff could be made less boring. People don’t have time to waste on training, they don’t have time to enjoy the content you spent so much time working on. They also don’t care about it, they just want to finish and do their jobs, what matters to them and what they get paid for. I think myself and a teammate had an aha moment together today when we finally realized what needed to be done. I had been veering down this path for some time but finally became aware of the path I was steering. Simple, graphically beautiful, wordless (or very few), and just amazingly easy to follow job aids. Yes, but back the words to as few as possible, show don’t tell, and start there for every single training event needed. Okay maybe not every one, but it’s a great place to start! Beyond the job aid(s), continue to monitor the effect of it to see if that is improving people’s work. Is it? Great! No? Then you may have to check to see if something else is needed. Hopefully you’ve already ruled out a system problem or some other problem that training can’t fix. So that’s it, if somebody never has to even take training and is able to either search out the information they need from others or find a job aid that will help them, that’s motivating. So this post has probably changed subjects several times since you started reading, but that’s okay. I just wanted to write some ideas down and my mind feels so much clearer for doing it. Please share some of the things that caught your interest in the comments section and what you do about them. Don’t be shy, nobody is going to judge you or scare you. We’re all here to learn and be part of a great community of L&D professionals who each have their own way to approach problems that are as unique as we are. Tell me. What’s your answer? The post When You’re Feeling Unmotivated appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: First Thoughts on Learned Helplessness Social and Learned Helplessness in Learning Ten Things That Make Me Cringe

ABOUT THE AUTHOR David Maxfield is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, How do you recommend keeping Crucial Conversations alive in an organization once training is complete? Trainer Dear Trainer, One of the perks of my job is talking to people years, even decades, after they have participated in our training. The good news is that the skills we teach are largely self-sustaining. The concepts are well organized, so they are easily remembered; and the skills get used at work and at home, so they stay fresh. But that wasn’t exactly your question. You asked about keeping the skills alive in an organization and that requires a bit more work. I’ll use some Influencer principles, specifically the Six Sources of Influence™, to share some ideas that work. Personal Motivation—Create personal wins and share them. Make sure participants are using their new skills to solve the problems that cause them the most pain. We often ask participants to help us identify the problems they’d most like the skills to solve. For example, here are the answers we received from a group of healthcare professionals: team members who don’t take initiative or fail to do their share of the work; team members who gossip, start rumors, are rude, or otherwise undercut team spirit; and physicians who are not responsive—who either fail to come when needed or fail to answer team members’ questions and concerns. Once you know what participants want to do with the skills, make sure they experience wins in these areas within the first few weeks. Then get them to share their successes with others. This will build personal motivation to continue using the skills. Personal Ability—Use refresher drills and applications. People always benefit from deliberate practice. Here is a simple exercise many of our trainers use: Go to our Crucial Skills Newsletter archive and select four or five questions that are relevant to your participants. Have participants work in pairs to apply their skills to one of the questions. Hint: you might want to tell them which skills the author used. Have participants read the author’s response to the question and discuss how their own use of the skills compared. Social Motivation—Tie the skills to an important initiative. Make the skills a means to further an important end. • Work with managers a level or two above your participants to identify a key initiative that the skills can support. • Have these managers determine crucial moments in the initiative when the new skills should make the greatest difference. • Make sure participants know they will be held accountable for using the skills in these crucial moments to further the initiative. Social Ability—Identify champions. Make sure there are people who will help participants whenever their new skills aren’t enough. Ask specific formal and informal leaders to take on this champion role—people participants can go to whenever they run into a situation that is too tough for them. Make sure these champions have the skills, respect, and clout required to play backup whenever participants get in over their heads. When participants know there are people who will back them up, they will take on tougher challenges and get more out of the skills. Structural Motivation—Link to carrots and sticks. The organization’s reward systems should be aligned with the use of the skills. • Make sure participants know about existing rewards that support the use of the skills. • Identify existing carrots and sticks that may discourage use of the skills and try to modify or remove them. • Create some short-term incentives to reward people who test out the skills during the first few weeks. • Work to integrate the skills into long-term incentive systems—i.e., the "P"s: performance reviews, pay, promotions, perks, and punishments. Structural Ability—Create opportunities. The TV detective, Perry Mason, identified the suspect who had the means, motive, and opportunity to commit the crime. Create means, motives, and opportunities for your participants to use their skills. • Use project-review meetings, interdepartmental meetings, etc., as opportunities to identify communication breakdowns and have crucial conversations. • Create forums with customers, other regions, other functions, etc., to discuss and resolve disconnects. • Ask leaders to use staff meetings, one-on-ones, and round tables to initiate crucial conversations. As you can see, there are many ways to keep skills alive after the training is over. The key is to use a combination of these strategies so that you involve multiple sources of influence. Our research suggests that when you combine all six of these sources of influence, you are ten times more likely to succeed. David Related posts: How can I help participants brainstorm strategies for change plans that are based on soft skills? Using Skills to Manipulate Motivating Others to Take Action

I want to preface this post with the following information: Before a few days ago I had never heard the term Community of Inquiry, which is exactly why I’ve chosen to write and learn about it. Now for the why because I wouldn’t just pull this one out of a hat and decide to delve deeper. I’m joining in (if even partially) to a cMOOC called Exploring Innovations in Networked Work and Learning which I found out about from Tanya Lau. This means being buried in heaps of information that I’ve only been able to glance over a few pieces from, but I’ve accepted that as my fate for the time being. So, if you’re curious about learning more about this cMOOC then I’d head over to the class blog here and perhaps check out the Google+ Community which is where all the conversation happens. I’m sure nobody would mind if you stopped in and checked it out and maybe even joined in a discussion or two. Oh, and can’t forget the wonderful Twitter, my favorite place to interact on the Internet, that’s with the hashtag #msloc430. Why Communities of Inquiry Sorry about the detour of information there. I’ve been thinking about all this for a while so am somewhat excited to put it down in words finally. We were asked to "explore a model that is new to you" which is exactly what I did because I’ve never heard of the term Community of Inquiry before. From this point forward I’ll refer to it as CoI (or maybe I won’t, we’ll find out). Other models we could choose from were: Networked learning (familiar) Personal learning networks (very familiar) MOOCs (way way too familiar) Communities of inquiry (WTH?) I’ve caught a few random discussions on CoI here and there in the community and on Twitter but I must say I’m still completely clueless as to what it is, and I like it like that for now. So, that’s my stance in this blog post. I know nothing about it and am going to document my first impressions of what it means to me. As time goes on I’m sure I’ll learn more and have more intelligent things to say. For now you’ll have to live with this being my uninformed opinion. I’ve warned you. Defining CoI I don’t know how to define it really, and it doesn’t seem anybody does thus far which means nobody understands it very well either. That’s good for me because I’m in the same boat! Although everyone else is probably ahead of me now because I’m a slacker at heart. Here’s the information to help clarify it from the msloc430 blog: Community of Inquiry Anderson, A. , Butler, R., Kyle, N., & Wess, Y. (2014). Community of Inquiry (Video file). Retreived from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7MHPxIU27E Synopsis: Simple presentation based upon referenced research outlines Community of Inquiry model and how it works in a learning environment. (Cartoon in the middle was bit jumpy for me?) Community of Inquiry: https://coi.athabascau.ca/coi-model/ Synopsis: Website providing a reference point for description and research on the model. Swan, K., Garrison, D & Richardson J. (2009). A constructivist approach to online learning: The community of inquiry framework. In Payne, C. (Ed.) Information Technology and Constructivism in Higher Education: Progressive Learning Frameworks. Hershey, PA: IGI Global. Retrieved from http://www.academia.edu/398997/A_Constructivist_Approach_to_Online_Learning_The_Community_of_Inquiry_Framework Synopsis: Downloadable chapter presents the Community of Inquiry (CoI) framework of online learning as the interaction between and amongst three presences: social, cognitive and teaching. Now it’s all clear to you right? Not me! I must say though, after watching the video I find it has my absolute favorite word in the world scattered throughout: learners. What It Is To Me Before I start in on this I want to give a second warning about my lack of knowledge on the topic so my ignorance is covered. At about 6 minutes in the video it suddenly clicked for me that I’ve probably experienced CoI before. A recommended strategy is to require people (yes people, not learners) to contribute a minimum number of posts to a discussion. My master’s program was based almost entirely off of this! Every week we had a required reading which the instructor then presented a group of questions for us to reflect on and answer. After a certain day of the week it was a discussion free for all but we were required to comment on at least two other people’s posts. In this process the instructor would even join into the discussion and ask additional questions as needed. So, there’s what CoI means to me. Well, that’s what it means to me in a traditional education setting. I even went as far as to recommend that as a solution to some of the problems of the xMOOC. Yes, it might not scale to the xMOOC size of 100k plus people, but it’s a start because it’s just so difficult and lonely being in the sea of an xMOOC with noone to talk to. That covers exactly what CoI is to me in an education setting, I think. I would like to move on to what it could mean to the business world though. Not sure if it is useful there but it deserves some thinking and discussion. CoI In Business This is the important part for me because I’m heavily involved in the business world now. I’ve parted ways with higher education and will never return, I’ve even written a bit about how it might do some more harm than good (notice I said some). Learning & Development would be the most logical place to go for those instructors that will guide people in their discussions in a CoI. I don’t know if that’s a wise choice though. It may be best for L&D to act more as a consultant to those who are trying to solve a problem using discussions between a group of people. Honestly, I can’t even think how that would all work, and it’s late. I think this is something I’d have to leave for discussion which I’m sure has already been brought up. I’ll be catching up with what people are saying how CoI could apply to business organizations. Your Call What do you say about the place of CoI in business? Does it have a place? Useful? What’s your experience and thoughts on CoI? I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on the topic, please join in the discussion below. You just saw my first learning process of Communities of Inquiry, pretty messed up isn’t it? The post Communities of Inquiry appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: The Biggest Fad of L&D The Things We Can Do With Crowdsourcing Are Limitless (But Hard) Turn The Curiosity Back On

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Andrew Maxfield is director of the Influencer Institute, a private operating foundation that seeks to increase humanity’s capacity to change for good. Recently, I had the great pleasure of spending a few days with Martha Swai, one of the primary architects of an influential (and now world-renowned) radio soap opera in Tanzania. In the early 1990s, Martha and her colleagues developed a serial drama called Twende Na Wakati ("Let’s Go With the Times"), which blended first-rate entertainment with carefully crafted public health messages. The result of her efforts was that millions of listeners adopted safer sexual practices to reduce the transmission of HIV/AIDS. Further, Martha’s efforts elevated the status of women in Tanzania and promoted planned childbearing to curb cycles of poverty. Before you get caught up in the remarkable pubic health implications of these broadcasts, think about how Martha worked her magic: she changed the behavior of an entire nation by telling vivid stories. Does storytelling strike you as a soft skill? Something for the PR department or for social evenings around a campfire? Daniel Pink doesn’t think so. In his book A Whole New Mind: Why Right-brainers Will Rule the Future, Pink characterizes a mastery of story as a critical individual skill and organizational competency. And if you’ve read Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change, you’ll know that influencers are master storytellers, which leads us back to Martha. Rather than broadcasting lectures or logical arguments, Martha told stories. She and her writing team invented believable characters and plot lines that resonated with their listeners. They followed the exploits of a philandering truck driver who, much to his surprise and the surprise of the listeners, contracted HIV/AIDS and eventually died. They gradually revealed how his reckless and often abusive behavior negatively affected his family members and acquaintances. One of the reasons that storytelling is so powerful is that it honors the listener’s intellect, which creates a participatory relationship wherein the listener begins to own the parts of the story filled in by his or her imagination. A good story invites the listener to personally discover the connection between actions and consequences. A good story invites the listener to scrutinize information, make guesses, and imagine outcomes. A good story triggers empathy and emotions. Next time you’d like to influence the behavior of an individual or group, remember Martha Swai and the power of a vivid story. Note: At our REACH conference this year, VitalSmarts recognized Martha with the 2013 Albert Bandura Influencer Award for her exceptional public health efforts. Click here to learn more about this prestigious award. Related posts: Influencer Institute: Introducing the Influencer Institute—And a Call to Action! Influencer Institute: Finding Meaning in the Mundane Influencer Institute: Beating Poverty One Vital Behavior at a Time

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Al Switzler is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, I’ve been told that one cannot be an effective boss by being a friend to those one supervises. I have some serious concerns about this as I feel that being a friend at work is a good way to gain employee confidence and performance. I’m concerned about where to draw the line between being a friend and being a boss, and how to set the proper environment where friendship is allowed and being a boss is respected. How can I be both an effective boss and also a friend to my employees? Friendly Boss Dear Friendly, The challenge you’ve presented is the perfect example of a Fool’s Choice. What we mean by this is that we can only see two options that seem diametrically opposed. We don’t see it as a false dichotomy, but as an unfortunate reality. We found these Fool’s Choices to be ubiquitous when doing our research for Crucial Conversations. For example, we commonly heard people say things like, "I can speak up and be mean, or I can bite my tongue and be nice." They felt they could be candid or courteous, but not both. Those who mastered crucial conversations found the "and." They learned how to be candid and courteous. And so it is with managing or leading. In this bit of advice, I’ll try to help you see that you can be friendly and be a boss. I’ll start with a story that shows one extreme of the term "boss." I recall a leader telling me that when he was promoted, his boss gave him this advice: "Congratulations. Now get out there and fire a person or two so the rest of your team will know that you have power." This is clearly a bad example. This person’s manager had a perception of leadership that focused on control, power, and even intimidation. From our research, we know that some people value quality over harmony; they value getting results over getting along. They value performance indicators like productivity and budget. Another leader I know was told by her boss, "Don’t give praise to people for doing their job. It only makes them weak." One of the reasons people find themselves in this Fool’s Choice comes from seeing bosses manage in this manner. And understandably, they don’t want to be like that. Some people move to this extreme style of management because they have seen the consequences of bosses who are too friendly—who value getting along more than getting results. Unlike their results-driven counterparts, these friendly bosses fear being the bad guy to the degree that they fail to hold people accountable or press for continuous improvement. On the other hand, their birthday celebrations are superb and they highly value performance indicators like morale and job satisfaction. I should point out that there is a long line of leadership research that shows the negative consequences of managing in either of these extreme ways. What we found from studying leaders and team members is that the best performers don’t fall into the trap of managing on one end of the continuum or the other. They value getting results and getting along. They value quality and productivity as much as they value harmony. They can clarify high expectations and rally a team to be both motivated and able to accomplish them. They can have tough, honest, candid conversations with care and courtesy. They have found the "and." They know how to be both friendly and highly productive bosses. So here is some specific advice to help you find your "and." 1. Don’t fall for the Fool’s Choice. There are more options than being a boss or being a friend. You can value accountability and morale; you can find ways to get input and get execution. Get out of this trap by moving to dialogue—with your own boss and with your team. 2. Clarify how you can work to achieve both purposes. Put two columns on a sheet of paper. In one column, brainstorm together and clarify what tactics and measures you could use to make sure that key indicators like productivity, schedule, quality, and budget are being met. How will you set clear goals? How will people be held accountable? How will you deal with setbacks or gaps? In the next column, clarify the more people-centric measures and tactics. What goals will you set? How will you measure job satisfaction and morale? How will you praise people and celebrate successes? The outcome of this exercise will not only be clarity and balance, but you will also get beyond the Fool’s Choice. 3. Determine who does what by when and follow up. Good plans with frequent follow up give your boss, your team, and yourself confidence that there will be accountability and that nothing will fall through the cracks. Also, good plans help you know the specific steps and expectations you have to help you accomplish the results that make for a "friendly" workplace. In closing, I want to share an observation that I’ve had many times over the years. Sometimes our greatest strengths can become a weakness. For example, if the manager is the most experienced and expert person in the room, she can sometimes hear points of information from her team, and then jump to a conclusion that skips three additional points. Her speed of thinking now leaves half or more of the team in the dark. The boss says, "Here’s what we’ll do…" and moves to the next issue. Her strength (speed and problem solving) has become a weakness because her team would describe her as controlling and impatient. To apply this to your case, don’t let your friendliness slide into missing deadlines, overspending budgets, or not holding people accountable. And don’t let your firm management style slide into not praising, involving, or smiling. The choice is yours. I wish you well, Al Related posts: Who’s the Boss? Confronting a Gossiping Boss Chaotic Boss

I’m going to take the next four days to post a topic a day from the MSLOC430 cMOOC I’m participating in, or maybe the correct term is reading in. I don’t feel like I’m the best participant because I haven’t joined into the co-authored document (an example of crowdsourcing I suppose) defining all these objects or other activities that I should be doing.I’ve more flowed in and out of I’ve more flowed in and out of discussions and caught the odd post here and there about each topic. I think the beauty of the cMOOC though is that you can flow in and out at will though. You get out of it what you put in and that’s different for everybody. So, the four terms I’ll be picking apart and thinking about in my way are: Crowdsourcing (that’s this one!) Idea Management and Design Communities of Practice Working Out Loud (ooh my favorite) Now to the first topic good stuff. Crowdsourcing What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think crowdsourcing? I think of a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for a worthy cause of some sort. Maybe a company that wants to change the world for the better but keep control from the greed of companies who have their own agenda when funding a company. I even think of not so worthy causes such as the fad of some to attempt to crowdsource their next vacation, or honeymoon by asking relatives (and sometimes strangers) to fund it. My first introduction to crowdsourcing is hard to put my finger on, but an example I do remember is from the Gamification conference in 2012. An employee of Microsoft used crowdsourcing and gamification methods to uncover bugs in some new software. There were hidden badges within the game of uncovering bugs and making reports on them. Playing this game was completely voluntary so there had to be some way to get people to want to do it. The big question for crowdsourcing is how it’s going to benefit me. What’s in it for me? I guess that’s where the gamification elements come into it. An important element of crowdsourcing is how you attract people to want to solve your problem. Is it fun? Is there a potential payback? Do you get recognition? People aren’t going to throw money at you or start working to solve your problem unless there’s something great in it for them. One of the easiest things to do is assume that crowdsourcing is the answer to all your problems and people are going to be begging to help you solve your big problem. It’s supposed to be a cheap, easy way to solve problems, right? Wrong. I think the main benefit of crowdsourcing is that it opens you up to a huge diverse group of thinking, new ways of seeing the problem. This all comes at a huge cost though. A lot of money and time has to be invested to make sure the crowd will even be interested in helping. It’s necessary to have that "what’s in it for me?" question covered from all directions so you won’t just get forgotten. It’s Not That Easy In the MSLOC430 blog, there’s a summary of Daren Brabham’s four ingredients to crowdsourcing: An organization that has a task that needs to be performed A community (crowd) that is willing to perform the task voluntarily An online environment that allows the work to take place and the community to interact with the organization, and Mutual benefit for the organization and the community. (Brabham, 2013) The message I get out of this is that crowdsourcing is hard. A lot of work is necessary to make it work. The only step along the way that might be easy (or not!) is that an organization has a task that needs to be performed, or I might add a problem that needs to be solved. Each of the other steps is a huge challenge and one that takes a lot of thinking, preparation, and work to pull off. Nobody is awaiting your call to jump in there and help, there must be a reason. It’s Relevant To All I don’t see that crowdsourcing is relevant to only business. It seems to be a topic that is extremely relevant to education, business, non-profits, anybody really that has the resources and wants to put in the time to make it work. What kinds of examples have you seen in the world of crowdsourcing? I’m interested in hearing in what context you’ve seen crowdsourcing attempted, failed, or succeed. Please leave a comment below and share, let’s crowdsource a list of great examples of crowdsourcing Tomorrow I’ll be attempting to explore the world of Idea Management and Design. I don’t know where to start on that topic, but I get the idea that that’s a topic I will instantly connect to something I’ve seen or just makes perfect sense. The post The Things We Can Do With Crowdsourcing Are Limitless (But Hard) appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: Communities of Practice Need Some Practice Communities of Inquiry Idea Management and Design - You Mean PKM?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Justin Hale is a Master Trainer and Consultant with VitalSmarts. READ MORE How do I keep things going for learners after the formal training? Here are a few things to consider: Read David Maxfield’s article. This provides an excellent explanation on how to keep the skills alive in your organization. Hold regular practice sessions. This can be a 30-45 minute meeting. Ask people to come with a situation they are dealing with, take the first 5 minutes to quickly review the skill they’ll be practicing, and then spend the rest of the time on practice and feedback from a coach. If people don’t come with scenarios, hand out 3×5 cards and ask them to write down a few relevant situations they deal with. Then go through all the cards and look for trends. Find 3-5 common examples and use those for practice. Drill and Scrimmage. As with sports, there are two types of practice: drills and scrimmage. Drills are meant to isolate one skill and focus on a lot of repetition. Scrimmage is meant to simulate a real situation. Drills—Isolate one skill (like STATE) and have people practice with 4-5 scenarios (almost to the point that they start to hate it ). Make sure they’re in pairs and have one person practice the skill and the other give quick feedback after each practice (the second person should just be offering feedback, not role playing). You can also walk around give feedback on the nuances of the skills. People will start to become more confident and competent with this skill. Scrimmage—Put people in triads (initiator, respondent, coach) and have them "scrimmage" a real situation. The initiator will begin the conversation by stating his or her path and then the respondent will respond in a way that closely simulates what a real conversation would be like. The initiator can then incorporate more skills (contrast, AMPP, CRIB, etc.) So remember, if you are going to get learners together after the formal class, try to focus more on practice than review. Make sure they have the skills down (drills) before you throw them into the real deal (scrimmage). Good luck! Justin Hale Related posts: How do I respond to participants’ concerns about participating in training? Changing Behavior After Training What are some ways I can further participants’ learning after the training?

Yesterday I started the first of my four-part series covering my thoughts and impressions on the four topics presented in week 3 of the MSLOC430 cMOOC. I started with crowdsourcing, the message I came away with there are so many problems that can be solved and tasks that can be completed, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Today is a new term for me, but it sounds familiar. Idea Management and Design, that sounds close to what I know as Personal Knowledge Management (PKM). Of course this is  my first impression without any interference from the outside, we’ll see if my impression holds true though. After reading a few lines from the MSLOC430 blog it really does sound like PKM. Harold Jarche has many models and forms of making sense of information and learning with his Seek-Sense-Share framework. Breaking down idea management from the MSLOC430 blog, it’s very familiar to me: Sourcing - who contributes ideas, and how do you collect them (seek) Filtering - how do you evaluate ideas to find the most promising or innovative. (sense) It’s just missing share in there. I’m thinking the first difference I might see in this would be that idea management isn’t just personal, it can be for the good of a company and can be group knowledge. Problems The blog post talks about Open IDEO and ideas being voted on and expertly reviewed sounds great, but does it lend itself more to group think? Everybody starts agreeing with each other and when an idea is new and radical it has a tendency to get shot down by the masses. As we’ve seen in the past, the masses can do some pretty horrendous things (and good too though to be fair!) There’s nothing worse that I can see for an organization than it becoming one big group think. I hear the statement "great minds think alike" and I can’t help but cringe. Great minds absolutely do not think alike, that’s what makes them great, uniqueness. Maybe some great minds might cross paths on occasions but they definitely do not think alike. The greatest minds do not fall into group think, they are not swayed by the masses. Great minds are not crushed by the weight of people voting that their idea isn’t good or should be thrown out. So, could Open IDEO and the concept of idea management be a problem? Yes, it could. Group knowledge I think can be a problem. While personal knowledge has the power to create great (and unique!) ideas, group knowledge has the power to create sameness. Successes While I do think there could be some problems with the model of falling to group think, there’s also some huge potential for great success and wonderful things to happen. As long as ideas aren’t thrown out completely and they’re judged by people who actually understand the details of them, there shouldn’t be a problem. It seems the OpenIDEO platform has potential to not fall prey to the bad things that can happen with group knowledge. With a system in place to account for the biases of people and the lack of understanding of people, it could succeed in doing something great. Going back to organization knowledge, the same possibilities of success holds true as with OpenIDEO projects. Tapping into new great things that people can come up with together holds a lot of power to change the world or organization. My Experience As I was writing this I recalled an experience I had over a year ago at an organization. Every year everybody would get together to plan innovations and share with the rest of the company something great they came up with. I participated and found the experience to be somewhat comical, somewhat of a madhouse. It started in a big room with everybody displaying boards and samples of what their project is all about. This is after painstakingly preparing the project and getting approval to take part from "leadership". It was a great experience and everybody in the company got to vote on the "innovation" they thought was the most worthy of being implemented. While the project I worked hard on with several others did make it as the top voted project, some others that made it very close to the top too.What is considered innovation at this thing? Well, bagel Monday was considered an innovation. Bagel Monday sounds cool and all, but it doesn’t sound like an innovation. What is considered innovation at this thing? Well, bagel Monday was considered an innovation. Bagel Monday sounds cool and all, but it doesn’t sound like an innovation. I think my point in bringing that up was that these processes where people vote, and executives, or leaders have the last say are prone to a huge amount of abuse. Our project never did make it through the last round, but we were approached by the CIO to present to him personally because he wasn’t a judge this year. It was a somewhat success for us to make it that far, but unfortunately I have to say I didn’t make it much further in rolling it out because I was in the last month of employment there. Best to go out on a high note, and that’s the way I continue to live. Your Thoughts As always, I’m interested to hear what your thoughts are. What is idea management and design to you? Do you see the relationship to PKM? Don’t worry, I won’t bite, nor will anybody else (I hope). Discussion is great and I truly do appreciate it (and in most cases you’ll get a reply within an hour The post Idea Management and Design - You Mean PKM? appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: The Things We Can Do With Crowdsourcing Are Limitless (But Hard) Learning From Others Reflecting on the National eXtension Conference (#nexconf)

ABOUT THE EXPERT Steve Willis is a Master Trainer and Vice President of Professional Services at VitalSmarts. READ MORE My experience with "why" has been an interesting one. In fact, I’ve been able to identify several distinct phases that I’ve experienced. There were the younger years where "why" was fast and frequent…and as my parents would say, annoying (my mother and father are currently enjoying seeing my children do this to me). Next I entered the teenage years where "why" took a more belligerent and defiant tone. This phase has gradually given way to the current phase that I’m still growing into: "why" as a curious approach rather than an accusatory approach. As I reflected on this, I realized that our participants have a similar, albeit condensed, experience during the session. And the sooner they move into the curious phase, the sooner they start really internalizing and learning. So here’s the big question: What do you do to help participants move more quickly into the curiosity phase of "why?" Let’s compare notes. Send me your thoughts. Related posts: From the Road: Training #241- How to Keep It New and Exciting From the Road: Mind the Gap From the Road: The Importance of Propinquity

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My husband works with his father in their family business, and it has come to light that his dad is doing some illegal bookkeeping, including tax evasion. He says that they would’ve gone out of business had they done things "the right way," but this has resulted in my husband owing nearly $25,000 of back income taxes. How do we (or my husband) have a conversation with his dad to get him to understand that going down this path is hurting himself, our family, and their business? Dealing with an Evasive Dad Dear Dealing, Yuck. What a horrible thing to learn. What an emotionally difficult situation to address. And I’ve got to guess it is even more stressful for you, since you have less direct influence over something that has such an enormous influence on your family circumstances. Perhaps one way I can be of help is to give an outside perspective on the priority of the various issues wrapped up in your situation. 1. Your integrity and financial security. 2. Your husband’s business choices. 3. Your father-in-law’s integrity. Notice that the third issue on the list is your responsibility to influence your father-in-law’s behavior. It’s not the first because it’s the issue over which you have the least control. The first thing you need to do is have a conversation with yourself. You need to get clear about what you will do—no matter what your father-in-law does—to safeguard your financial security and to defend your integrity. For example, if he chooses not to change, will you remain connected to his business? If his actions are hurting society’s interests, what do you feel obligated to do? If he is behaving in ways that hurt employees or suppliers, do you have any obligations? I am not suggesting answers to these questions, just that you ask yourself the questions. However, if you do not clarify what your own boundaries are, you will feel manipulated and controlled by your father-in-law’s decisions. You have no control over him. What you do control is yourself. So get clear on how you will respond, irrespective of his choices. Second, have a conversation with your husband about how he will respond, or preferably, how you will jointly respond. Of course, he has more contact, relationship, and influence here than you do since he is both coworker and son. But your husband’s choices affect you as well, so you have a right and responsibility to weigh in on how he’ll deal with the three questions I posed above. Your husband, for example, should come into any conversation with your father-in-law having already decided what he will do if your father-in-law chooses to ignore your concerns. Will he invoke a buy-sell agreement? Will he exit the enterprise? Will he take it to the board (if there is one)? His goal is not to make decisions about how to force his father to change, but to make decisions to protect his own integrity and financial security. Third, your husband is now ready to talk. He has detached himself emotionally from the need to control or compel his Dad to change his ways—which would probably backfire anyway. I understand that some of the options might not be fun, but he needs to avoid pretending that all the power sits with his father. It doesn’t. He only appears powerful when your husband remains in denial about reality. Reality might be that he has to choose between staying in business with a tax cheat and resigning. Resigning might seem like a terrifying option, but it is reality. The sooner he accepts this and gets himself comfortable with it, the sooner he’ll be able to have an adult conversation with his father. From this more responsible posture, he can approach his father and explain the problem. Then he can share his thoughts about the situation and his plan for the future. For example: "Dad, I love you. I love working with you and I want to keep working with you, but I will not do so unless one thing changes. I need you to know that unless we fundamentally change the way we manage our books, I will not stay here. Can we talk about this?" I suspect this will be one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional conversations you and your husband will ever have. Crucial conversations aren’t easy, but they are the pivot points for influence in our lives. I wish you both the best as you contemplate how to defend your integrity, protect your financial security, and influence your father-in-law in a healthy way. Warmly, Joseph Related posts: Mixing Family and Business Financial Family Feuds Family Dysfunction at Work

This is my 3rd post in my journey to cover my thoughts and ideas on the four topics covered in week 3 of the Exploring Innovations in Networked Work and Learning cMOOC. So far, I’ve covered Crowdsourcing and Idea Management and Design with the only one left for tomorrow being Working out Loud which also happens to be my favorite. Defining Communities of Practice (CoP) It’s hard to define a Community of Practice, but I think a good start would be to quote a Tweet I recently saw from another MSLOC430 participant. It sums up what happens when you’re in a Community of Practice and it’s a summary of none other than Harold Jarche who seems to have something relevant to each category I’m writing about. @JeffMerrell My most helpful understanding of CoP is by @hjarche - ‘You know you are in a CoP when it changes your practice’. #msloc430 — Karen Jeannette (@kjeannette) February 11, 2015   As long as you’re changing your practice, you know you’re in a community of practice. That’s pretty simple, but there are so many nuances that go along with a CoP.It’s not as easy as creating a group of people interested in the same topic and say "we’re going to talk about this, and change our practice. Next month we’ll talk about something else and improve ourselves in that topic." Let’s Make a CoP It’s not as easy as creating a group of people interested in the same topic and say "we’re going to talk about this, and change our practice. Next month we’ll talk about something else and improve ourselves in that topic." I’ve seen this attempted. People seem to think a CoP is a formal group that needs strict guidance and cannot build organically with open discussions and open topics. What would happen if we just let people talk willy-nilly? It would be crazy and nobody would learn or get anything done right? Not exactly. When there’s strict guidance and you start introducing things like steering committees, the organicness of the CoP is lost rapidly. People become disengaged from the group and start to not care anymore. Those that attend do so out of obligation after a while, not interest. Discussions and the group have to form organically and discussions have to happen naturally. A CoP need not have an owner, just a single topic that everyone is interested in which then leads to a natural discussion on any part of that topic. Maybe everybody has an interest and turns are taken to discuss that interest and have a messy interconnected conversation (many to many) and not one person to many. When a CoP turns so formal that there’s one topic that one person "teaches’ the others and then it’s over it is no longer a CoP. I realize that I just got finished rambling for several paragraphs straight, but as you can tell I have strong feelings about what a CoP is and is not. I’ll stop rambling now and try to get back on track if I ever had a track to get back on. Being Official If you want to get official about what Communities of Practice is and isn’t, even the one I describe above could be considered a CoP. As with anything else though, a CoP could be a failure or a success, but both of them are still Communities of Practice. Here’s what Etienne Wenger defines as a CoP: Communities of practice are groups of people who share a concern or a passion for something they do and learn how to do it better as they interact regularly. After reading that more carefully, I might say that what I defined above as a failure CoP might not even be a CoP at all. The keywords to take out of that description are interact and regularly. Those two must be present in a CoP to be a CoP. My failed example above does not do this, there’s none or little interacting. Meeting once a month around a topic that was pre-determined by a steering committee then asking a few questions in the end is noy interacting. I’ll leave it at that, the absolute most important element of a CoP is that there is interaction. It’s a group thing, we’re all in this together as equals who love to talk about what we do and want to improve it. The CoP must benefit each member equally and each one must feel like they own it as much as anybody else. Having one central leader and introducing committees into it turns things back into a company with a hierarchy, that kind of stuff doesn’t work well in the network age, just ask Harold Jarche.  Your Take What’s your take on Communities of Practice? have you seen them succeed in changing the way people practice? I hope to see some great examples of how they’ve improved you. I will take this last part to say that the most successful Communities of Practice I’ve seen are Twitter chats. I’d definitely classify them as a CoP. Even with a central group running the chat, you would never know from the outside. I’m a regular at Chat2lrn and they are very well-organized on the back-end. Before I took part in that back-end once, I had no idea it existed and it doesn’t interfere with the wonderful dynamic of the group. The post Communities of Practice Need Some Practice appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: Communities of Inquiry The Things We Can Do With Crowdsourcing Are Limitless (But Hard) Idea Management and Design - You Mean PKM?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Kerry Patterson is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Listen to Kerrying On via MP3 Listen to Kerrying On via iTunes It’s my first day at Fairhaven Junior High School and I learn that every single student in my homeroom (not counting me) had been registered at the elite, private, and very expensive grade school across town when they were still embryos. Then, starting at age five, for the next six years of their lives, they attended that private, elite, and very expensive school where they were showered with tutors, special programs, and brilliant classroom instruction. I, in contrast, had attended a grade school located in the seedier part of town where the primary educational goal was to avoid serious felonies, and our pinnacle educational experience consisted of weaving potholders. Years later, I learned that I had been thrown in with a bunch of brainiacs who (as part of an ongoing research project) were scheduled to stick together throughout their entire junior high school experience. My inclusion in this group had been due to a clerical error. Consequently, on the first day of the 7th grade when Mr. Lewis, our new English teacher, barked, "Diagram this sentence!," I knew I was in trouble. He pointed at a bunch of words he had written on the blackboard as a means of divining how much my brainiac classmates already knew. "Is that a predicate nominative or a predicate adjective?" Tom McMurray inquired. "Do you want us to follow the standard protocol or the Helsinki Variation?" Dorothy Newton asked. "So that’s what a sentence looks like," I quietly muttered. So went my entire pre-college education. Every single day of school, I was reminded of how ill prepared and utterly stupid I was by classmates who, by their fourth birthdays, had been granted memberships to Mensa. Years of constant humiliation passed until one day, I went off to college. I was finally thrown in with a more normal crowd where, with practice, I was able to come up with the occasional right answer. And then, just when I arrived at the point where I figured I wasn’t a total moron, I was admitted to a really challenging graduate school. Once again, I found myself surrounded by people who had been registered for private schools while they were embryos. Not the Fairhaven people, but the big-city version of those people; embryos with an attitude. "How might you use the over-justification hypothesis to explain this phenomenon?" a fellow grad student asked me on day one. "Is that the standard version or the Helsinki Variation?" another student chimed in. Oh boy; four more years of humiliation. Perhaps you shared a similar educational upbringing. For years, you’re the perennial student—always lectured, tutored, mentored, and (to make matters worse) one-upped by the smarty-pants at the head of the class. At least, that’s how it was for me. I thought it would never end. That is, until one day (totally by accident) I learned what it felt like to have people admire me, rather than snicker at my every comment. In my case, my glimpse into a world filled with respect rather than disdain came in late 1979 just about the time my academic self-confidence was hitting its nadir. Noting the low morale amongst grad students in general, our grad-school social coordinator decided to sponsor small-group parties. These gatherings were to be held at faculty members’ homes scattered throughout the city of Palo Alto. The party you were to attend was based on (and I’m not making this up) the first letter of your surname. My wife Louise and I were to attend the P-party. According to our invitation, we were supposed to wear costumes that represented P-things. "What P-things?" I kept wondering until it finally struck me. My wife would go to the P-party as a patient and I’d be her personal physician. She would have psoriasis and pneumonia—the perfect P-problems. When the day of the grand event finally arrived, I borrowed gear from the medical student who lived in the apartment next door. Under his instruction, I put on latex gloves, carried a stethoscope, and donned a complete set of scrubs—including pants, boots, jacket, and hat. I looked as if I had just stepped out of an OR. This particular party took place long before the advent of GPS equipment or mobile phones. So later that evening, when Louise and I became totally lost on our way to the party, I pulled up to a restaurant and ran into the entry. I figured I could use the pay phone to call our hosts and ask for directions. Unfortunately, I didn’t have change for the phone and there was a long line at the cash register. This wasn’t going well. Then it hit me. I didn’t have to wait in any stinkin’ line! Just look at me. I was a physician for crying out loud. Never mind the fact that I didn’t know how to put on a Band-Aid. At that moment I was somebody—and I had on rubber gloves to prove it! "I need change for the pay phone!" I blurted to the restaurant patrons politely standing in line. Everyone turned and stared at me. "And I need it NOW!" Moses held nothing over me. The sea of customers parted as I hustled my way to the counter where the hostess frantically fished out a dime from the cash drawer. Okay, maybe I hadn’t thought this through. Now, a mere ten feet from the counter, I was on the pay phone asking the P-party host for directions and I had to make the call sound like a medical emergency. After all, I had just crashed the line. "Don’t worry, I’ll have the heart there in a few minutes," I blurted as I hung up the phone. The ruse worked. Nobody questioned me. Never mind the fact that I was wearing gloves miles away from what apparently was going to be a home-style heart transplant. These minor inconsistencies were overshadowed by the fact that I was a physician—delivering a heart. And did I mention I was wearing scrubs? I’ll never forget the looks of admiration afforded me by the restaurant patrons I had just hoodwinked. Had my scrubs come with a cape, I swear I would have leaped into the air and flown from the restaurant—so pumped was I from the unadulterated admiration beaming my way. As it was, I turned on my heel, smiled broadly, and shouted: "Thanks folks, you’ve just helped save a life!" With these parting words, I exited the room with a confident flair I’ve never been able to duplicate since. I think one of my eyeteeth actually sparkled. Everyone should have such a moment. Everyone should be given a glimpse into what it feels like to be totally and utterly admired—if for no other reason than to carry them through the dog days of schooling and apprenticeship. Of course, the heady feeling I enjoyed that day was unearned and short-lived, but I did get a big laugh later that evening when I told my P-party grad-school friends what happened. We were each caught halfway between being a trainee and being a "somebody"—or at least a graduate—and were chomping at the bit. We wanted our turn at the front of the class. We wanted the looks of admiration. And while I can’t in good conscience recommend that anyone don surgery garb and crash lines to get a feel for absolute adoration, I can say that if you stick to your books, classes, and work assignments, the day will come when you will be the knowing one. You’re not likely to be the all-knowing one (that’s reserved for those Mensa folks), but some day you’ll be an expert of sorts and it will be well worth the effort. I’ll never forget the day I finally stood in front of a class as an assistant professor. Thirty eager students were all looking at me. That’s right, me, the kid who couldn’t conjugate a sentence. Then I spoke and they listened. Some even took notes. And, of course, some asked questions. "Is that explanation based on social cognitive theory?" a student from the back row inquired. "Are you referring to the standard version or the Helsinki Variation?" I responded. Things were going to be okay.

Today is the last day of my four-day journey to cover my thoughts on this week’s topics for the online cMOOC Exploring Innovations in Networked Work and Learning. I’ve already covered the wonderful topics of crowdsourcing, idea management and design and yesterday’s communities of practice. This is my favorite topic out of the four. How To Work Out Loud I think my strongest thought on Working out Loud is best described in terms of an analogy that I’ve come to hold dearly because of my stark disagreement with some leadership members on how modern work should be. I’ll set the context in an IT department who we all know (maybe) is extremely good at keeping things a secret and not showing until everything is done. What have we come to expect from enterprise software? It’s not good if it’s coming from an internal department. True there are tons of new startups that are aiming to fix this problem, and I think my analogy also covers how they are doing it right. While a chef is doing their work in the kitchen, that work should be hidden from view. Nobody wants or needs to see the mess that is created, just the beautiful finished product that emerges from the kitchen. This statement is wrong on so many levels and is what leads to so many problems later down the road. What emerges from the kitchen may not be what the person was looking for, it may not be beautiful at all given everyone involved was so close to the cake. This is often what happens. Just imagine being the client and seeing a cake that was completely the opposite of what you were looking for. But if proper analysis was done on what was needed for that cake then it should be exactly what the client needs right? No. Minds change, when you start seeing things created and the changes live in a dynamic kitchen, the client’s minds may change or they may not have described properly what they wanted. Now the client is stuck with a cake they do not love and fake it, or they have to be a jerk and say take it all back and start over. Working out loud takes the dynamic process of work into account and allows a portal into the work as it’s happening. Now maybe that portal doesn’t view the entire process and every step, but the more work that’s shown, the better. Working out loud is opposite of just showing the final work. The client is included in the work and can see as much or as little as they want and be part of the process if they find it necessary. It’s this type of process that makes for the best work and the happiest client. Good Job We can look at some companies doing great things these days as an example of what working out loud and seeking feedback at all steps can do. One shining example for me is Buffer, they are transparent about everything and seek on many levels their customers input. They even go as far as hosting a weekly Twitter chat to get a better look into their clients minds. Another great example is Atlassian who collects data and talks directly from customers while giving them a view of the products and changes they’re developing. This gives the customer a great view of what’s to come and allows for more valuable feedback to make those products even better. There are tons of new upcoming companies that are starting to chip away at the larger companies who have done so well churning out garbage that people don’t want but have no option. This is how we ended up with so much enterprise software that got the minimal job done, but not well. The beautification of consumer software has finally made its ways into newer enterprise software and will have a profound effect on all industries. This dramatic change happens when companies work out loud, seek feedback, and find out what people really want. Working Out Loud starts with making your work visible in such a way that it might help others. When you do that - when you work in a more open, connected way - you can build a purposeful network that makes you more effective and provides access to more opportunities. — John Stepper It has benefits not only on a personal level, it has benefits that span the entire organization and in the case of product design a better product that exceeds expectations without hesitation. On A Personal Level The benefits on a personal level are also invaluable. Working out loud allows you to better reflect on your process, gather feedback from other teammates, and document your process and thinking for others to see. Working out loud goes by a number of terms but it all holds the same concept, showing something beyond the product creates a better product, a better process and a better you. Jane Bozarth calls it Show Your Work which I cover a few of her brilliant quotes below from her book Show Your Work. Don’t think working out loud is worth it? If what you’re doing isn’t worth sharing, then why are you doing it? Don’t have time to show your work? Well, Jane has an answer for you on that too! Saying, "I don’t have time to narrate my work" is akin to saying, "I’m too busy cutting down the tree to stop and sharpen the saw." I could go on and on quoting out of Jane’s book, but I’ll just say that you should buy the book and read it. I own a copy and it shows so many great examples of how you can easily work out loud/show your work. Start Working out Loud It’s really quite easy to start working out loud. Even a blog can be a great way to start, or taking pictures of what you’re doing and posting them on Pinterest. There are infinite ways of working out loud, it just takes finding your voice and finding a way that works for you. if you take the time to do it, the payback on your career is valuable. Working out loud has allowed me to network further with interesting people I might have never met. Showing your work allows people to see what you’re working on and you’d be surprised that a lot of people are interested in what you’re doing. I’m constantly sharing what I’m working on and trying to get feedback. When designing my recent course for Udemy I shared several key pieces along the way to get feedback. I was lucky enough to have some great feedback from people who had been through the processes I was writing about. Bruno Winck, Helen Blunden, and Matt Guyan were kind enough to take time out of their day and changed the direction of my project for the better. I created a Storyline template which I shared with the Articulate community and wrote a post about my process of creating it and thinking. As you can see this working out loud doesn’t necessarily have to be while you’re in the process (but it’s helpful to do!) but can be sharing the logistics of creating the final product. It’s really nice to see the inter-workings of a project and the thought process the author went through to get to the final product. I Worked Out Loud On Udemy The course on Udemy I mentioned above was almost entirely done as a working out loud project. I went through the process of building my NickLeffler.com website with WordPress while recording it. It was a fun process and now is a helpful recording for how somebody can create a professional website like this one. It’s something that you can use to help your career and create a professional network to help your career. I’ve been able to do things such as mentioned above where I post in my portfolio to show my work and used my blog to write about the process of created it. Think of not only the possibilities this creates for self-reflection and self-growth but also the opportunity to connect with people and see who else is interested in the work you do. I couldn’t help throw in a small plug for my new course (Catapult Your Career: Building Your Website Portfolio) too because it is a good example of how I’ve used the concept of working out loud. So, if you don’t have a website to work out loud on or you have a free blog at WordPress.com or something, my course is an excellent tool to help you start working out loud or increase the level of professionalism. How Do You Work Out Loud? I’m curious to know how everybody else works out loud. What process’ have you created to better show what you’re working on? I love to see other’s work and how they got to their final product. It’s also great to hear how it has helped. I’m confident that anybody who tries the process of working out loud will find great value in it. The post Work Out Loud - Don’t Just Share What You Did appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: Recipe For Disaster Work Out Loud on Colors Storyline Template Tweet Your Way to Conference Success

ABOUT THE AUTHOR David Maxfield is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My seventy-two-year-old company made a decision to make enormous business process changes intended to keep the company competitive in future markets, but these changes have now caused large amounts of complexity and are affecting group cohesion and overall morale. In trying to accommodate this more "agile" process, disengagement has become the norm as each area continues to operate within their isolated silos. Coercion and bullying have sadly achieved more than peaceful collaboration. Having already dealt with intensified levels of stress, a growing population of baby boomers are moving more quickly toward the door. How can upper management, who has created an unfortunate perfect storm, now effectively promote change? What can be done at this point to make a successful transition from the old to the new? Curious Twenty-Something Dear Curious, These days it’s hard to find an organization that isn’t in the throes of reinvention, and the ones that aren’t are probably dead or dying. These gut-wrenching changes can tear an organization apart. So, how do you help your workforce embrace changes that are profound and rapid? I think every organization needs the answer to this question. We at VitalSmarts spend a lot of our time working with organizations to craft answers that work for them. I’ll suggest a few approaches we take. Focus on your Cultural Operating System. Test this metaphor: Organizations are like smartphones in that they have apps and an operating system. A smartphone’s apps include maps, e-mail, music, calendars, games, etc. These apps run on top of the phone’s basic operating system or OS. The OS controls how apps access and use the phone’s basic hardware, making it vital to the success of any and every app. However, as phone users, our attention is mostly on the apps. They are the programs we use every day. We tend to take the OS for granted. The same is true in organizations. We tend to focus on organizational apps—specific strategies, structures, processes, initiatives, and systems—without attending to our organization’s operating system. This operating system, what we call a Cultural Operating System (COS), includes the underlying norms, behaviors, and unwritten rules that determine the success of every organizational app—apps like the agile business processes you refer to in your question. The symptoms you describe as poor group cohesion, discouragement, coercion, and bullying often occur when an organization tries to graft a new app onto a Cultural Operating System that isn’t ready for it. Launch a listening campaign. Leaders need to hear first-hand from a broad swath of employees. This is not the time for a survey or a consultant’s report. Leaders themselves need to lead interviews, focus groups, and "town hall meetings" to learn about the obstacles people are facing. It is especially important for senior leaders to involve two groups: formal and informal leaders. Formal leaders are the managers and supervisors across the organization—everyone who manages people. Informal leaders are the opinion leaders within every group. These people may not have any formal role as leaders, but are respected and looked to for guidance. Leaders need to spend a disproportionate amount of time with these formal and informal leaders, because they are the key to the rest of the organization. The goal of these listening sessions is to discover failure modes, crucial moments, and vital behaviors. Failure modes are the forms failures take—the common patterns that recur. Crucial moments are the times, places, and circumstances when these failures are especially likely. Vital behaviors are the actions that either prevent the failures from happening or turn failure into success in a crucial moment. Look for the purpose behind each strategy. Organizations that are the best at importing new business processes focus on the purpose behind each new process rather than on the process itself. They treat the processes as heuristics that need to be tailored to fit their needs, not as formulas that need to be duplicated without variation. Less successful organizations get caught up in the forms, policies, procedures, and tools involved in new processes—and implement them even when they don’t fit or don’t accomplish their intended purpose. It sounds as if your organization is suffering from this problem. During their listening campaign, leaders should identify crucial moments when people are implementing processes in ways that don’t achieve the intended results. For example, agile processes put a big emphasis on involving stakeholders. However, this involvement can take many forms—and one size doesn’t fit all. Having stakeholders attend design meetings is one way to get involvement, but this approach only works if the stakeholders have the right skill sets and the interest to attend. If they don’t, then teams need to find other ways to involve them. The mistake is to either abandon involvement or stick with involvement that doesn’t work. These mistakes create the kinds of frustration you describe. I hope these ideas give you new ways to examine the challenges your organization is facing. Readers, please add your ideas to the few I’ve suggested here. Thanks, David Related posts: Holding Peers Accountable Without Management’s Support Changing Racist Behavior Surviving Customer Support Conversations

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ron McMillan is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, I have invested a great deal of time and effort trying to help and train a young colleague on my team who joined the organization six months ago. However, my colleague consistently ignores the information I’ve prepared and sometimes does what I’ve explicitly asked her not to do. This approach undermines my trust in her. Not only does her behavior feel very disrespectful and unprofessional, but it has also resulted in additional work for me and other members of my team. I’ve already tried to have a crucial conversation with her, but she simply responds that she "already knows" and can manage on her own. I have escalated the issue, but now I’m wondering if there’s anything I could do to influence her positively. Sincerely, Concerned Dear Concerned, From your description of the situation, I am not sure what your relationship is with the "young colleague." I am going to assume you are a team member, but she does not report to you, otherwise I am sure you would not allow her "I already know" and "I can manage on my own" approaches to her job to continue. When you do not have the organizational authority to require someone to complete tasks, your accountability skills can still wield strong influence. In this situation, as with most, begin with a diagnosis. Why is she resistant to your efforts to inform her or train her? Start by factually describing what happened, compare it to what was expected, and then ask a diagnostic question. Try something like, "Jenny, several times over the last six months, I’ve tried to help you, train you, and give you information, but you’ve responded that you already know or you can manage on your own. Last week, I gave you explicit instructions about what not to do and you did it anyway. As a more experienced team member, I feel it’s part of my job to coach you, but it feels like you’re resistant. Am I seeing this right? Help me understand. What’s going on?" Next, listen carefully. Is the problem one of different expectations? Does she think she is not in need of your help? Does she think you are peers and it’s not part of your job to help her? If the problem is one of unclear roles and responsibilities, use this opportunity to clarify expectations including why you are trying to help her. If she disagrees with your explanation, involve her boss so that each of your roles is clear. If she is defensive and withdraws, or acts irritated and becomes argumentative, make it safe by sharing your good intentions. Say something such as, "Jenny, I’m not trying to boss you around or control you. I’m just trying to help you be effective in your job and make sure what you’re doing fits with the rest of the team." Often this simple skill discloses your motive and helps the other person understand you are trying to help, not hurt. If she is not willing to talk it through with you, go over the issues with her boss. If she is willing to engage with you, instruct and motivate with consequences. Consequences provide the force behind all behavioral choices. We are thinking creatures and act based on the consequences we anticipate will result from our actions. Perhaps a young boy practices the piano thirty minutes every day because he knows if he does, he may one day be a great pianist, and he earns fifteen minutes of video game time for each thirty minutes he practices. His expectation that these desirable consequences will result from his practicing motivates him to practice. In addition to motivating us, understanding consequences fills out our mental map. Often we don’t understand how our actions affect outcomes. For example, if I become aware that by letting an incoming call go to voicemail I am providing poor customer service, I might be motivated to answer the call by the third ring. Sharing consequences with others can both educate and motivate. Let’s return to your question. Help motivate your young colleague by sharing the consequences of both cooperating and not cooperating. Here are some examples of what you might say: "Jenny, I offered to train you in the processes we use and you said you already know them. I understand you have experience in this work, but we have modified and customized some of the steps. So if you don’t know how we do it, it will take longer for you to do your job." "Jenny, when I give you instructions not to do something and you do it, the quality of your work suffers. For instance…" "When you don’t follow the procedures I’ve outlined, it causes additional work for me and my team. To meet the deadlines, we have to redo portions of your work, and that’s not fair to them or to me." By sharing the consequences that will naturally occur if she complies, you help give your colleague a lasting motivation to do her job well. For most people, sharing natural consequences will make a difference. If this information doesn’t motivate her to cooperate, then with great reluctance, involve the boss who has the organizational authority to require her compliance. However, expect that when you resort to imposed consequences to motivate someone, you may strain the relationship and make cooperation in the future more difficult. We can’t guarantee the desired outcomes in every crucial accountability conversation, but we have found that these skills, when used well, dramatically increase the likelihood of improving results and relationships. All the best, Ron Related posts: Confronting a Sick Colleague My Colleague Thinks I’m An Idiot Who’s the Boss?

If you’re not a blogger or don’t write on a regular basis, you should. It doesn’t have to be difficult to write, you don’t have to have a website, you don’t even have to have a topic to write about. The easiest way to write and continue to write is just to simply comment on posts you read. It’s not possible to read a post and have nothing to say or no thoughts about it. You can’t read something and have an absolute blank mind. Not even I could do that and I’m the kind of spacing out while reading. If you do by any chance find you read something and have nothing to say, you can just write a few lines about what you enjoyed about the post. If you didn’t enjoy it and it was the worst way you could have spent that 5 minutes, that may be the only excuse not to comment. Writing a Novel It’s possible to write a novel in the comments section, I’ve done it. It’s not necessary though. You can do a novel’s worth of writing by commenting on most posts you read and writing a few lines. The benefit you receive from those few lines can add up  over time to writing a novel. You could write a novel just by commenting, just add up all the comments you’ve made over time. Think of all that content you’ve written just in comments and all the wonderful topics it could spin into later. Comment More, Learn More When you read a post, you’re paying attention to what you read, you’re learning something even if it’s small. The problem is you will move on and the previous post has now become fuzzy in your brain. Over time you lose most of what you’ve ready. Now imagine after you’ve read that same post, you write a brief comment saying what you liked about it, maybe restating in your own words what you liked the most. That process of reflecting on what you’ve read and putting it down in words helps your learning process. The ideas expressed in the post have now been expressed in your own words and make more sense to you. By writing a simple comment you can increase your learning and evolve your thinking with a few lines. It’s really a no brainer, your brain will be better off if you reflect and make that comment. Write More Better Yes that’s a joke, you can’t write more better, only better Speaking about writing a novel, when you comment on most posts you read, you’ve soon written enough to have written a novel. Not only that but you’re sharing that information with everyone, allowing yourself to get input on your thoughts and writing. It’s a win-win! Practice makes perfect. At least practice brings you one step closer to perfect which is elusive and constantly moving further away at best. If you have plans to someday start a blog then commenting on posts is the perfect way to build up to it. Every comment makes it easier to comment and write more. It sort of spirals out of control and soon your ideas are flowing out of your fingers like magic. If you ever had the fear of running out of things to write about in a blog, have no worry, the more you write the more you have things to write about. A sure way to have enough topics to write about is to read more, comment more, and get your mind and fingers working to allow the words to flow. When Not To Comment There is an exception to the rule of commenting. If you don’t heed the exception that you may regret it and question whether commenting is the thing to do. The exception I have discovered is to never comment on posts from extremely high traffic sources, especially when the material is controversial and the audience is the public. I made the mistake of commenting on a post on Wired which quickly spiraled into my mailbox being overwhelmed. The conversation didn’t get out of hand with trolls and such, but I know it can easily do that. When it’s controversial and the audience is huge, you’re asking for a large amount of trolls and those that are stubborn and will argue their thought no matter what the evidence otherwise. Let’s just say cognitive dissonance is a powerful force that’s not to be messed with. Maybe this exception doesn’t apply to everyone, maybe there are exceptions to the exception. I just don’t find the need to ever get into a flame war, I’d rather just walk away.  At Least Try I’m not perfect in my track record to comment on posts I read. I’ve been working on getting better, but I’m still way off. The best you can do is try. Make it a point to try to comment more. Do It Go out and read a post, something that sounds interesting. Whether you have something to say about the topic or not, comment. Start down the path of better learning, better reflection, and more things to say. The best way to work better is to get smarter about the way you work. Reading and writing are the best ways to work smarter. How have you benefited from commenting? Don’t be shy, you can leave a comment below. The post You Should Comment More appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. You might also enjoy: A Self Imposed Barrier First Thoughts on Learned Helplessness Learned Helplessness of Learning #chat2lrn

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Al Switzler is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE   Dear Crucial Skills, I recently visited my brother who has suffered from severe anxiety for about a year. He’s getting better but things are still tough for him. I noticed that his wife is very impatient with him and at times, I feel, belligerent. It’s very upsetting for me to see this. I understand that the situation is very difficult for her, but I wonder if I can say or do something to help her be more compassionate. I’m trying not to judge her, but I’m not always successful. What can I do to deal with my own feelings and to help her? Sincerely, Trying Not to Judge Dear Trying, If there ever was a question that many people could identify with, it would be yours. Life comes at us fast. In the midst of these changes or crises, loved ones may do things that seem less than effective, even downright wrong. When situations arise we may wonder, "how can I deal with my own emotions and help at the same time?" It is tempting to rely on the company message here. Over the years, we’ve given lots of advice regarding the basic crucial conversations steps. Essentially, that message is to first, get your emotions and motives right; second, find or create a safe time and place to discuss your concerns; and then use all of your best skills to work things out. Ideally, you’d follow all of that with increased sunshine and good feelings. I don’t want to dismiss that as an option because every day, many people step up and help improve sticky situations like the one you have described. However, what I want to share are a few strategies for people who don’t believe they are ready to speak up. I hope to give you some ways for increasing safety and for influencing your sister-in-law’s and brother’s best behaviors. Step 1: Master your stories to manage your emotions. You hinted at this step and I agree with you. The two most common ineffective strategies that people use in situations like this are silence (with gossip) and starting a difficult conversation with emotion and accusation. You don’t want to do either, so I’d ask you to ask yourself a few questions. Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Could she be stressed? Could she not have skills that would help her with patience or with managing her own frustration? If this were your sister dealing with your brother-in-law, might you see it differently and feel differently? How would you approach it then? Why is your brother doing what he’s doing? How could you help him? It’s been my experience that when I ask myself similar questions, I often find that the situation is more complicated than I had originally thought. Through this process, I become more patient and increase my options for dealing with the situation. We have often taught that we need to work on ourselves first. Asking yourself these questions can help you get your heart and head right before you act or speak. Step 2: Model the behaviors you’d like to see your sister-in-law and brother do and then share the reasons. I have a friend who shared a story that is very much like yours. On a recent family visit, she decided that she would help her brother with a few things and that she would do the same with her sister-in-law. During the weeklong visit, she was an example of listening patiently, of asking questions to get clarity, and of doing the little things that helped her brother. On a few occasions, she explained what she was doing. With her sister-in-law, it might have sounded like this, "It’s harder than it used to be to determine what my brother wants. I have to encourage him more than I used to. That takes some patience." With her brother, she might have noted, "I had to ask three times, before you responded. Can you help me understand why? I want to help, but it’s difficult when I don’t know what to do." She didn’t make a big deal of it. She just did it and said a few words about her reasons. We know the power of a good example. But a good example with a bit of an explanation is even more powerful. Step 3: Praise the positives you see. My friend also used praise to help her sister-in-law and brother see what was effective. When her sister-in-law demonstrated encouragement to her husband or when she showed increased patience, she commented. I imagine it sounded something like: "At noon, when my brother left that mess, I noticed that you smiled during the whole conversation. I know it’s hard to be patient in situations like that. It’s not like it used to be. I’m sure my brother appreciated that. I know I sure admired it. Thanks." Or to her brother, "I enjoyed the story you shared at dinner. It was very positive and helped create a pleasant atmosphere for all of us." Now these are scripts I have imagined. What she said was no doubt more elegant and effective. But the principle is this: if you praise good behaviors and the efforts to improve, and then explain the consequences of those actions, people are more likely to repeat them. Step 4: Be ready to share your intentions. I’m sure as people have read some of these steps they’ve asked, "Yeah, but what if the other person gets upset and says, ‘Hey, what are you trying to do to me—you have an agenda, right?’" That’s when I’d share exactly what I was trying to do. "I do have a purpose. I want to help improve the relationship between you and your husband (or wife). I didn’t want to talk about what I didn’t understand, so I’m trying to be a good example and to praise good listening, patience, and service. I also want to improve our relationship so we talk about issues that really matter. It seems like you’ve had a year of stress and unhappiness, and I’m trying to help." We know that safety is at the heart of healthy dialogue. The foundational components of safety are Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect. Sometimes, we need to work on safety first. We need to clarify what we are trying to do. Often, we need to build trust and respect before we have enough safety to speak up. The steps I’ve suggested are designed to help accomplish that objective and if you act in ways that are building safety, you can share what you are doing and why if someone questions you. That should help you move forward in solving some of these situations that appear when life comes at you fast. At some point, we have all wished for a silver bullet or a magic wand. There is none. What we have are our best efforts supported by our best intentions. I wish you well, Al Related posts: Repairing a Mentor Relationship Seeking an Honest Relationship Change Anything: Saving My Marriage

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ron McMillan is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My seven-year-old daughter is stuck in a three’s-too-many triangle with two of my neighbor’s daughters. Stakes are high because I don’t want to disrupt ties with my neighbors, but these girls are almost to the point of bullying my daughter. I know kids will be kids, and I don’t know that the discipline of the parents will change. Should I just give up and tell my daughter not to play with them? Do I restrict the girls from playing on our playground? How can I help my daughter deal with the neighborhood "mean girls"? Sincerely, Treading Lightly Dear Treading, I am happy to give you some advice about your problem but want to emphasize that this answer comes with no guarantees of outcome. I have faced this problem twice; once with a mostly successful outcome and another that was not so good. I have eight daughters, and I’ve concluded that it’s very hard for girls to hangout in threesomes. But, alas, I’ve been jaded by my personal experiences and shouldn’t try to generalize. In the situation you describe, there are two issues: the problem of your daughter being excluded and the problem of things being "almost to the point of bullying." I recommend you be most concerned about the bullying problem. I believe there is a tendency for parents to underestimate the pain and damage caused by bullying. It’s a form of violence we should not tolerate. I recommend you speak with the parents of both children, and do the following: Ask yourself, "What do I really want?" You certainly want to stop any bullying and make your daughter safe. You might also want the other girls to be friends with your daughter. This is where I start getting skeptical. I think you can get kids to play together, especially under structured, planned conditions; but to get two children to include another regularly and consistently boils down to their choice. It’s hard to make kids be friends. Nevertheless, work to stop any bullying behavior for sure, and see the threesome as a bonus if things go really well. Gather the facts. This is the homework required to have this kind of crucial conversation. Find out what actually occurred and who said what and why. Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions about motives. Share your good intentions. When you meet with the parents, begin by sharing with them what you want and what you want to come of this conversation. You might say something like: "Thank you for meeting with me. I want to discuss our daughters and make sure that we nip any problems between them in the bud. I also want to keep a good relationship between us parents. I’m not trying to cause any problems or bad feelings." Describe the gap. Factually describe what happened and compare it with what is expected. You could say, "I spoke with my daughter and she told me when she went to play with Mindy and Jessica, Mindy told her to get lost. She asked what was wrong and Mindy said they didn’t have to play with ‘a stupid baby’ and pushed her. My daughter came home crying. Now, I know that kids will be kids and I’m not trying to blow this out of proportion, but his kind of thing has happened at least once before. I want the three to be friends and to be kind to each other." Ask a diagnostic question and listen. Once you’ve introduced the issue without making accusations and laid out the problem in a non-judgmental way, ask a question to see if the other parents are aware of the problem. Find out whether they have a different point of view. Keep in mind you are not here to pick a fight or place blame. You are having this conversation to solve a problem in a way that preserves your relationships. Try: "Are you aware of this situation? Do you see it differently?" Listen carefully to understand. From this point, the conversation could go many directions. The other parents could be concerned and work with you to resolve the situation, or they might be defensive and protective of their daughters. They could even blow it off and not see it as an issue that deserves their attention. They could split and not agree on what needs to be done. I’m not sure what will come next in your situation, but I believe by starting in the way I recommend, you will avert many problems that could otherwise pop up and decrease the likelihood of your success. You’ll need to be ready with all your skills and clear thinking to get to good outcomes. If the parents don’t respond in the way you would hope, I would counsel you against talking with the two other girls directly. It’s very easy to have your words misunderstood and misconstrued when reported by the children back to their parents. Better to coach your daughter on how to handle the situation with the other girls. Practice what you want her to say to them if she’s confronted, and focus on helping her build other friendships. Remember how fluid relationships can be at such a young age and recognize that today’s apparent brat could easily be tomorrow’s best friend. I hope these ideas help and I hope things work out well. Keep in mind, the most important thing that might come of this: your daughter learns how much you care about her and remembers the things you teach her about dealing with others her age. Because this is a very tricky situation, I encourage other readers to write back in the comment section. What has been your experience? What advice would you give this parent? Ron Related posts: Addressing Your Child’s Teacher Bullying at Work Crucial Conversations for Kids

What keeps you from trying something new? I grapple with this question in my work life and home life. We tend to stick to the things we know which keeps us from trying new things. You’ve seen that right? If you’re in L&D then the answer should be yes, but this isn’t about L&D. My theory is that we get so comfortable in one place that we stop trying, you know, wresting on our laurels. We’d rather things stay the same and comfortable as they are now. The problem is comfort and keeping things the same doesn’t work, things quickly move past us and we’re left irrelevant. Job security is a perfect example of this comfort frame of mind. One goal for a lot of people is job security. Does job security today mean that we’re setting ourselves up for future failures? It would seem to me that job security and career failure are slowly merging into one. Job security to me means that one day you’ll lose your job and be unprepared to find a new one, not be secure in your job forever. Some will be lucky and skate through and achieve true job security with no need to do things different and new, but not many. How does job security and fear of failure fit together? I’ll try to figure that out for myself below. Fear of Failure Fear of failure shows itself by sticking to the comfortable and the familiar with the hopes that external forces will also stay predictable. The question I don’t know the answer to is this: Does comfort create the fear of failing or does chance of failure create the push to find that comfort zone? I have a tendency to look at the unfamiliar and going a new path with question and hesitation. There’s always an internal fight between my want and need to do things different and better versus the comfortable option of doing it the same it’s always been done, usually the easy way. When I approach a new project, like anybody I have that fear of failure and the fear of the unknown. Even with a high level of confidence that I can get stuff done, I still have those nagging questions that pull at me, that fear of failure. I’ve fought the tendency for the comfortable, especially the past few years. How do I do it? Doing things differently each time, never accepting that I’ve found the best way of doing something. Accepting that I’ve found the best way of doing something to me is succumbing to the comfort that can easily suck us in. Process is the enemy of innovation. When I’m doing things different, I always seek perfection with the realization that I’ll never reach perfection, only continuous improvement. Guilty Even I (who loves trying new things, learning new things, and figuring out new ways of doing everything better) have the tendency to also fall into a comfort rut. It’s hard to kick when we’re happy (or maybe not even happy!) and in a good place at work and home. As I was writing that I had the though of not being happy. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re comfortable but would rather not leave that comfort? You know it’s not making you happy yet you can’t stop it because it’s so comfortable? Been there too! I can think of the perfect example. How about the person that gets so comfortable not exercising, lounging on the couch watching TV and living day-to-day vegging out. It’s comfortable and seem like you’re happy, but it doesn’t feel good to be there. It’s depressing being inside and so dormant sitting on the couch all day everyday yet it’s one of those things that’s hard to kick. I think this plays in nicely to learned helplessness, you become complacent to the downward spiral. Trying something new by getting outside, exercising, exploring your environment is the best way to get out of that rut and do something healthy for your life. It’s not an easy thing to do but something that requires pressure from yourself to get up and do it. I think that same mentality works for a career too. Getting out of a rut, out of the norm and trying something new is the best way to move forward. What’s Stopping You? There are many things that can stop you from doing what you want. Failure is just one of those things but it can appear in hundreds of different ways. Have you made a conscious effort to stop and think about what’s stopping you from getting where you want and need to get? Is fear of failure one of those things and what can you do to overcome it? I wish it where easier to recognize those fears of failure to stop them. Reflection is a great way to discover them and a conscious effort to do something different is the best way to stop them. The post For Fear Of Failure appeared first on Nick Leffler's Portfolio & Learning Insights. Sorry, no related posts.