When a person is under pressure or in a difficult situation, their emotions can start to get the best of them.  Even the best solution to their problem may be missed because they are so caught up in the situation.  The best way to deal with this situation is to downshift emotions as much as possible so that positive progress is possible.  To do this you need to use your E.A.R.  It will help defuse some of the emotions so a solution to the problem can be found. Empathize: Let the other person know that you recognize that he or she is under emotional stress or pressure and that you’ve been in similarly difficult situations. Ask: Take the time to ask a couple of nonthreatening questions to gain valuable information and to let the other person vent his or her emotions Reassure: Let the other person know that you believe, in time or with remedies, the situation will defuse and/or improve. Follow this simple acronym and you will be ready to overcome the emotional obstacles of others.

We recently spoke with one of the longest tenured employees at Shapiro Negotiations Institute, Sharon Sudduth.  She shared with us some of the changes SNI has undergone over the years as well as a new initiative she has been involved with. How long have you been at SNI and how is the company different now than when you first arrived? I have been at SNI since 1999 so 13 years.  I don’t think our goals or mission is different, but we’re a lot more organized. We have a greater focus which allows us to give more attention to the clients.  Some of this is because we have a lot more processes in place than when I first came on board.  Technology has also become huge.  We use emails, servers, and clouds on a regular basis.  It’s really streamlined our day-to-day operations. You take on a lot of different responsibilities around the office.  Can you explain what roles you have? I manage the administrative duties, the finances, H&R, and IT.  I wear a lot of hats but it’s a small office so that’s to be expected. What is the best part of your job and what’s the most frustrating? The best part is that I have my fingers in everything.  Since I’m involved in so many parts of the company, I know what’s going on at all times.  At the same time, the most frustrating part is that I know what’s going on at all times.  Sometimes I see people doing things differently than I would do them, but I have to let them do it their way because I have so many other tasks to take care of. SNI’s been able to get new business from a number of their service providers.  How has this happened and how have you been involved? This was something we started last year.  We decided that we want to engage our service providers in mutually beneficial partnerships.  I had a bank approach me to ask for our business.  I explained the concept we were trying to implement and as a result we were able to engage in a partnership.  That led us to do about 20 programs with them last year and a few more this year. This year we are budgeting to get new copiers.  We want to get them from a company that we can partner with.  We have been in talks with one company and so far it has gone well.

One of the keys to successfully negotiating any deal is letting the other side go first. It gives you a parameter to work from and provides insight as to what the other side is thinking. Letting them go first gives you the upper hand so you can negotiate better. But how exactly do you get the other side to go first? You can’t just say, "Go first.  I said so."There needs to be a strategy. Consider the following next time you are stuck in this situation. Defer to the other side’s expertise: Say something like, "You’ve done more deals of this type than we have. What are going terms in similar deals? What’s fair?" Turn discussions into offers: Once you start talking, the other side is likely to give enough information to suggest an offer even if they don’t make one formally. Probe their thoughts, fleshing out more and more details. Then paraphrase what they’ve said as an offer. Force a counteroffer bid: If it appears there’s nowhere to go in the negotiations, ask the other side where they want to go. "You say the list price is too steep. What price could you afford?" Make a tangential first offer: Offer something important the other side wants in exchange for something more important to you. "We know your company wants to ship fast while the produce is fresh. We can take delivery immediately, if the per pound is right." Set a range without making a first offer: Use exploratory conversation to learn what the other side expects. "Say, I’ve heard houses in this neighborhood sell for as little as $200,000." There’s no risk. It’s just what you’ve "heard". See what kind of response you get. It should give you a price range of their first offer. Still don’t think it’s important to let the other side go first? Read this story told by Dean Jernigan, Chairman of Storage USA. It is highlighted in the book "The Power of NICE" by Ron Shapiro, Mark Jankowski, and Jim Dale. A piece of property was for sale on the Mississippi River. Its original purchase price was $3 million. The property had sat, unused and undeveloped, for years. One day, a potential buyer from a Los Angeles entertainment company asked for a meeting.  The property owner’s lawyer was sent to negotiate the deal with explicit instructions. "Let them make the first offer but take nothing less than $4 million." The prospective buyer started the meeting with a simple statement. "We are not going to negotiate. Our offer is $20 million and if you are not willing to accept it, we are prepared to walk." It turned out, the entertainment company was betting on a future legalized gambling boom to increase land values and, therefore, thought $20 million was a "fair" price. Of course, so did the property owner’s lawyer who only had one regret. He hadn’t handled the case on a contingency basis.

When actors like Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert De Niro are filming a scene for a movie, they become entrenched in the script.  They go over it forwards, backwards, and sideways to get into the character and deliver their lines with power and emotion.  Hollywood, however, isn’t the only place that scripts come in handy. When preparing for a negotiation, scripting can be an extremely valuable tool. Scripting is taking the time to write down the anticipated dialogue for a meeting. It prepares you for what you will say and what you anticipate the other side will say. You may not be able to predict the exact course of events, but you can rehearse the scenarios you anticipate. By thinking through and writing down scripts for the way you think events will unfold, you will have a solid foundation for dealing with the twists and turns of actual events. Scripting allows you to gain confidence in the message you are trying to deliver. It’s valuable for crafting not only the message you are trying to convey, but also how you will do it. If you want an "ask" of $1 million per year, make sure you say exactly that. Don’t say things like "something in the range of $1 million" or "between $750,000 and $1,000,000"—this already puts you below your projected ask. When you write and practice your script, you’re not only rehearsing your message, but you’re considering things like word choice, tone, use of persuasive precedents, probing, and even silence. These types of considerations will make a difference in communicating effectively and closing the deal.  

Preparation is vital in any negotiation. We say it all the time, but we wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. If you don’t prepare, you’re missing out on the opportunity to be in control of the negotiation. If you have prepared for all the possible scenarios, you will have the confidence to negotiate the best deal possible. One great way to prepare is through precedents. They can be common steps or shrewd maneuvers, logical decisions or risky bets, strategies or strokes of luck, prompt or last-minute adjustments, great achievements or simple mistakes from the arc of your career, from other people, or even from the grand stage of history itself. Analyzing the past with an objective microscope can help shape your preparation for your present endeavor. History has a tendency to repeat itself, so you might as well take advantage of what has taken place before. One example of using precedents could be if a competitor is undercutting your prices for a service or product. Because dropping your price is not an alternative, you look for transactions in which you or others have successfully warded of pricing challenges. You uncover instances in which your competitor failed to meet promised distribution times, a factor important to your customers. You make guaranteed delivery dates a key part of your deals instead of reducing prices. Your customers are convinced and you fight off the pricing threat.

A little while back, a member of SNI purchased a new condo. The market in this particular area had continued to be hot through the recession and as a result it was very likely there were going to be multiple offers on the property. While most potential bidders tried to take advantage of time with the seller to express why they were such great candidates for the condo, this member used the time very differently. He told the story like this: When I went in to speak with the seller, I didn’t do much speaking about myself. I sat with the owner and her fiancée and just asked and listened - why are you selling the apartment? Where are you moving to and why? What is important to you in this transaction? What else? What else? What is most important and why? It turned out they had bought an expensive house with the intention of making a few modifications but they got carried away and had started a full renovation. As a result, the house was going to take substantially longer to return to livable condition and the couple was unsure as to what they should and would do in the meantime. When it came time to submitting offers, I extended the close date by several months and added a note about being flexible in order to let them settle in to their new home. I was not in a hurry to move, I just wanted the right place at the right price. Knowing they had been slightly over their heads with the renovation and wanted to ensure the sale would go through, I included a substantially larger than average deposit with the total bid that was about 5% lower than what I expected to be the highest bid. I also included a note about my two apartments that offered short term leases at reasonable prices - friends of mine had used them in the past and raved about the value. It turned out my bid was about 4% lower but I still came away with the best property I had seen in over 6 months of searching. Like in many other situations, the price was important, but it’s wasn’t everything. Ask the right questions, figure out what is important to the other side, and find a way to give it to them. In order to get what you want (the condo at a good price) you have to give them what they want (a reasonable price, a sense of security, a later close date, and help figuring out their living situation).

At some point in your life you will have to deal with a difficult person. It may be when you least expect it or when you’ve been warned far in advance. Regardless of the situation, following the N.I.C.E. system can help you handle a difficult person without becoming one of them. N—Neutralize your emotions. Dealing with difficult people can be an emotional challenge. The more emotional you are, the less rational you behave. Conversely, the more your emotions are in check, the more you can be in control of a positive outcome. I—Identify the type. There are three basic types of difficult people (and several permutations of each). • The Situationally Difficult: those people whose situation or circumstances make them difficult • The Strategically Difficult: those people who believe being unreasonable is effective • The Simply Difficult: those people with an ingrained personality characteristic C—Control the encounter. Once you know which type of difficult individual you face, you can employ the appropriate techniques to help shape and determine the outcome of the encounter. If you utilize the right techniques, you can change the fate of deals, meetings, and everyday confrontations. E—Explore options. Even after shaping the encounter, you may still be at an impasse. The process of getting "unstuck" often requires the development of options—alternative solutions—so both sides can give and get. (This includes the option of ending without escalating, reserved for those instances in which the best deal is no deal, which can preserve the possibility of a future deal.)

Earlier this month, our Chairman, Ron Shapiro, traveled to Israel and the West Bank through his involvement with PeacePlayers International, a non-profit organization that uses basketball to unite and educate young people in divided communities around the world. We recently had the opportunity to sit down with Mr. Shapiro and learn about his transformative experience.   Why did you go to Israel and the West Bank with PeacePlayers International? Nearly ten years ago, a group of young men from what is now called PeacePlayers International visited my office and asked if I would join their Board and help them with fundraising. I initially resisted, but they and their cause were so persuasive that within six weeks I was a member of their Board. Within a year, I agreed to be the Chair of their Board for one year on an "interim" basis. Somehow that one year became five years. During that period, I saw videos and heard stories of children in areas of conflict like Northern Ireland, South Africa, and Israel who, with the help of PPI, were building bridges and inspiring hope. I felt the power of the work we were doing. Yet despite invitations, I did not make any site visits, because of what I misperceived as an overwhelming professional and personal schedule. Although my involvement continued when I stepped down as Chair and assumed the role of Chairman Emeritus, I still had not interacted with the kids and the people of PeacePlayers working in the field. Thankfully Brendan Tuohey is a persistent guy. As a result of his persistence, I ultimately agreed to make a site visit in July 2012. I never suspected, at this stage in my life and after three other trips to Israel, to have a transformative life experience while visiting the PeacePlayers team and children in Israel and the West Bank. I am so glad that I chose to share that experience with my granddaughter, Kate, who recently celebrated her bat mitzvah; my daughter, Laura; my son, John (Herb) Beatson; and my business partner, Michael Maas; and that I was able to have the opportunity to travel with Brian Ross, Ann Curry and their children, Walker and Mckenzie; Irina Pavlova; Leslie and Joe Schaller; Brian Kriftcher; Amy Selco; and of course, Anna and her father, Brendan Tuohey. How did you spend your time? Aside from spending 24 hours in airplanes (and I might add meeting a new friend, Joey Low, on my journey over, who accepted my invitation to join us on a visit to our program on a kibbutz in Sdot Yam, and after the visit was moved to support PPI going forward), we would rise early and retire late so that we could maximize our exposure to some sites, but more importantly to the people and the program. From the very moment we arrived (when we were graciously hosted by the parents of one of the leaders of the PPI M.E. team, Samer Elayan, for dinner in the Arab village of Bet Safafa), to being given a geopolitical tour of East Jerusalem and part of the West Bank, to visiting the religious sites (Jewish, Christian, and Muslim) in the Old City, to the Foreign Ministry in Ramallah, to the moving stories from PeacePlayers staff members on bus rides as we travelled from PPI programs in Jerusalem, the West Bank, Tel Aviv, and Sdot Yam, and the ancient ruins of Caesarea, our eyes feasted on unbelievable sites and our ears and brains were treated to a cross-current of views and ideas from morning to night. And most of all, our hearts were filled with hope because of the young people we met ranging in ages from five to eighteen and the way they played together as well as their interactions with the PPI staff members throughout our stay. I might also add that we had the opportunity to visit with Laura’s uncle who is a Judaic scholar, Broadway level musical comedy actor, and peace blogger, and has lived in Jerusalem for the past forty years, and we had breakfast with Laura and Kate’s rabbi who was studying in Jerusalem. Both tried to help us maintain some perspective on the divergent and, at times extreme, views that we encountered during our visit. In an email to Laura addressing some of the harsh realities of Israel, her rabbi exhorted her to recognize that, despite troubling places and things about our own country, such realities do not make us renounce the totality of American society or the veracity of American democracy. He wrote then about Israel: "…I encourage you to be inspired by amazing people who continue to struggle to right the ills of Israel. There is so much here that is beautiful, honorable, profoundly ethical, and wholly inspirational." What impacted upon you most? To use the rabbi’s words, those who were especially "beautiful, honorable, profoundly ethical, and wholly inspirational" were the children and staff of PeacePlayers International. The "twinnings" we saw at the various PPI sites in Israel were simply amazing. The Jewish and Arab children interacted - from practice to games - as if they were lifelong friends and with no gaps in religion, ideology, or politics separating them. They were even tolerant enough to accept people like me participating in their practices despite my total basketball inadequacy and frequent air ball shots. The sheer joy of the littlest PeacePlayers children (ages 6-8) dribbling their own personal basketballs (given to them by PPI) and going up and down the court in their games touched hearts and inspired all of us who came to see them. At the other end of the age spectrum, we spent substantial time with PPI Leadership Development Program (LDP) boys and girls (ages 15-18) who played hard, hugged lovingly, and shared of themselves and their lives openly. To say that those of us on the trip wanted to not only embrace them, but also to take them home with us, would be an understatement. What powerful lessons they taught us not only on the court, but also in their every interaction with each other, with the PeacePlayers staff, and their new American friends. Just as dinner at Samer’s house touched our hearts and opened our trip with feelings of warmth and hope, our closing dinner on the beach at Dag Al Hayam with our fellow PPI travelers, the PPI leadership team, and the wonderful girls of the LDP, reaffirmed for us the mission of PeacePlayers International: to close divides in areas of conflict by building bridges between children from all sides - in this case Jews and Arabs - through the game of basketball. From time to time, I was consulted on the trip for perspective as a "negotiation expert". The real experts on bringing people together, however, are in the field every day on behalf of PeacePlayers International. Just as I will never forget the children dribbling their basketballs, sharing their experiences, hugging each other and us, and igniting our hopes, I will not forget the greatest bridge builders of all, the PPI team, including: Karen, Samer, Nissreen, Githa, Sharon, Galit, Edniesha, and "younger, taller" Samer. Any other thoughts? Let me share some from our family group: Laura: "Kate and I are still struggling with explaining to our family the true impact of this incredible trip. It is difficult for Kate to discuss it without getting emotional. The opportunities that we had to not only witness, but to join in and befriend these incredible PeacePlayers children were truly the gift of a lifetime….." Michael: "The wonderful smiles of the girls, you, and everyone on the journey have been with me constantly since we left our new family last night. Amazing how small the world is, how much we all have in common, and the goodness of most everyone we come in contact with. I’m sure we will be downloading impressions, lessons learned and relationships developed for quite some time…" John (Herb): "We learned a lot about the conflict from both the Jewish and Arab perspectives and I left more convinced than when I arrived of the importance of the PeacePlayers International programs. Actions from both sides are making the situation increasingly intractable, increasing the importance of establishing some common ground between the two sides. To the extent the children in our programs can establish this common ground, perhaps a sustainable solution to the conflict will one day be achievable. I would have far less confidence in the probability of such a solution if PPI was not actively bridging divides on the ground…"    

Being able to identify the tactics used by strategically difficult people is key to being able to overcome them. Consider this lesson about Admiral Hyman Rickover. He employed the Physical Surroundings tactic—when the other side controls a venue to gain an advantage, such as controlling your comfort level, location, resources, and so on—to make others feel off-balance (literally). It was effective because people didn’t identify what he was doing and make changes to alleviate the problem. The following is an excerpt from the book "Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People" by Ron Shapiro, Mark Jankowski, and Jim Dale. Admiral Hyman Rickover, child of a Jewish immigrant family, entered the Naval Academy in 1918, almost immediately in conflict with its traditional W.A.S.P. aristocracy. According to much of the history written about him, Rickover was unpopular with other midshipmen and was resented as a loner. He graduated from the academy and went on to an early career that was largely undistinguished. He volunteered for submarine duty and served, but he was not selected for command. Shortly after, he was selected, almost randomly, for a limited assignment to Oak Ridge, Tennessee, where nuclear research was being performed. He quickly determined that the military use of nuclear power represented a future opportunity for the navy and for Hyman Rickover. From then on, it became his obsession and eventual path to a historic role in U.S. naval history. However, despite his increasing renown and respect in the field, rising to the rank of admiral, gaining international eminence, Rickover never seemed to lose the insecurity that came with being an outsider in his early years. The father of the "nuclear navy" and developer of the world’s first nuclear-powered submarine, the admiral became infamous for his subtle but highly effective interpersonal tactics. The classic Rickover maneuver was to position visitors—be they important government officials or departmental subordinates—in purposely unbalanced chairs. He literally kept those he dealt with off-balance when they were in his office. The admiral was employing Tactic 11—Physical Surroundings—to gain or maintain a sense of superiority and, consequently, an upper hand in dealing with others. Most of the people who sat in his office probably could not identify the physical manipulation—the rocky, uneven chair legs, their own literal instability versus Rickover’s solid, steady position—but they would say that they simply felt uncomfortable or at a disadvantage in his presence.

Before you meet with a person, you should do a little homework. Making identification an automatic habit will help ease this step and better your skills. First do some research to learn about the person and their background, reputation, and even quirks. The more you know about the person before you meet him or her, the better prepared and less surprised you’ll be by their behavior. Next make observations each time you encounter the person, watch closely, and listen carefully. Being aware of subtle cues from and verbal and nonverbal communication including body language can help you pick up on feelings and intentions. Finally, probe to help bond and find common ground even with challenging personalities. There are three types of difficult people: 1. The Situationally Difficult: Those people whose situation or circumstances make them difficult • Normally nice people who become difficult under stress • Their reactions are out of proportion to the event Success Technique - Once you address their emotion, negotiations can proceed 2. The Strategically Difficult: Those people who believe being unreasonable is effective • People who make you feel as if they are "up to something" • People who try to make you "play by their rules" Success Technique - If you address the tactic, they will modify their behavior. 3. The Simply Difficult: Those people with an ingrained personality characteristic • People who make demands but do not explain why • People who are difficult regardless of the situation Success Technique - If you balance the power, you have a better chance of success.

What makes a great influencer? In many cases, people try to get things done without understanding the other individuals involved in the process, their motivations and needs, and how they make decisions. SNI believes that to become as influential as possible, one must understand and implement four basic steps. First, one must build credibility, since without credibility and trust, no amount of logic will convince the other side. Second, one must engage emotions, since people tend to decide emotionally and collaborate with people they can connect with. Third, one must demonstrate logic, because everyone uses logic to hone in on interests and issues that are important for them. And fourth, one must facilitate action, since a decision is just a conversation until action has been taken. Mastery of these steps will improve one’s influence, facilitating the completion of more successful deals. One of America’s most influential individuals was George Gallup. During the presidential election of 1936, he created the Gallup Poll, which became one of the most reliable measurements for determining the public’s opinions. Gallup identified a successful trend in the business world and facilitated it to fit a specific need. After listening to dinner conversations, discussions during the long trip to work, and various other daily interactions, Gallup decided to use market research, the same methods used successfully to sell dishwashers, and sneakers, for politics. Using the data he gathered from his polls, Gallup predicted that The Literary Digest, the main source of political polling at the time, would publish an article predicting Landon’s victory based on its faulty survey results. Gallup was right. By thinking logically, he knew that the Digest used mailed-in ballots from addresses found from phone numbers or car registries to generate its polls. However, due to The Great Depression, millions of voters lived without cars or phones. Therefore, their voices would be left unheard. By surveying the "average voter", Gallop was able to determine that America would favor Roosevelt for President. He did his polling by conducting door-to-door interviews. Unlike most polls at the time which surveyed large, unscientifically selected groups, Gallup used significantly smaller groups that were methodically chosen to gather his research Gallup gathered his facts by engaging the public’s emotions, being approachable, and making a personal connection with the public. He accomplished this by conversing with people from all social classes rather than just waiting passively to receive a marked up piece of paper. Gallup sought to not only cover the populist views on politics, but also on education, hopes, fears, hobbies, ethics, religion, economics, law, and equality as well. He was able to identify what interests/ issues were the most important to Americans and to shed light on their current status. It was of utmost importance to Gallup for the integrity of his work to remain untarnished, swearing never to conduct solicited polling from a special interest group or from an organization with a specific plan. He also made the personal choice never to vote himself to ensure that he would not influence the views of those he was polling or raise any question about bias in his reporting. This sacrifice built credibility for his work. Lastly, just as with many other great influencers, he was able to change his procedures to maintain his trustworthy reputation. In 1948, when he ceased polling two weeks before Election Day, Gallup predicted the wrong outcome. After this incident he stated, "We are continually experimenting and continually learning", and the Gallup Poll has never been wrong about an election since.

For years, win-win has been taught in all kinds of negotiation curriculums. At SNI, we format the phrase WIN-win. We firmly believe that the best way to get what you want is to also adequately satisfy the other side’s wants. The following is an excerpt from the book "The Power of NICE" by Ron Shapiro, Mark Jankowski, and Jim Dale that explains the myth vs. reality of win-win and the difference in our use of the phrase. The Myth of Win-Win Negotiation experts (and amateurs) have been preaching win-win for some time. The trouble is, it’s unrealistic. The expression win-win has become more of a pop cliché than a negotiating philosophy. It’s either a winner’s rationalization for lopsided triumph, a loser’s excuse for surrender, or both sides’ phrase for when everybody is equally unhappy. There’s no such this as both parties winning identically, that is, both getting all of what they want. One party is bound to get more and one less, even if both sides are content with the outcome. The latter is possible. Both parties can be satisfied, but both cannot win to the same degree.   The Reality of WIN-win If someone is going to come out ahead, our aim is to make sure that someone is you. That’s WIN-win. Both parties win, but you win bigger. WIN-win is realistic. It isn’t easy-it requires focus and discipline but it is achievable. And it doesn’t turn negotiation into war. Because it’s not WIN-lose, WIN-clobber, or WIN-ransack-pillage-and obliterate. You don’t have to destroy the other side. On the contrary, you want them to survive, even thrive, in order to make sure the deal lasts and leads to future, mutually beneficial, deals. That’s The Power of Nice and WIN-win is what that power delivers.

We have spent time before talking about how important it is to have alternatives in negotiations.  They give you backup plans in case things don’t go how you anticipated.  It’s important to remember, though, that some alternatives are not mutually exclusive.  You can find one alternative and blend it with another course of action to find the best solution to your problem. The following is an excerpt from the book "Dare to Prepare" by Ron Shapiro and Gregory Jordan.  It shows how finding alternatives helped create an idea that became Shapiro Negotiations Institute. One morning in the winter of 1992 my wife, Cathi, and I took a walk on a beautiful Caribbean beach.  I had reached a point in my life where the practice of law had lost its allure for me.  I was suffering from a common case of legal burnout.  Being tied to a time sheet had less appeal than ever as my other business ventures were growing.  During the walk, we laid out the professional and lifestyle alternatives that I could explore.  The most profound thing that Cathi said to me was that she noticed how much I loved to teach.  Teaching in an academic institution didn’t appeal to me since I’m an entrepreneur at heart.  We brainstormed other teaching alternatives after looking at precedents set by people with similar interests. Weighing alternative careers allowed me to feel that I could take control of my life.  The mere exercise allowed me to understand that I did not have to leave one thing to do another.  So a walk on the beach led to my recognition that I could stay associated with my law firm as an adviser, continue with my sports firm, and channel my passion for teaching into the founding of what would become the Shapiro Negotiations Institute.  I could then be an entrepreneur, add income and excitement, and complement my other endeavors.  Alternative outcomes are not mutually exclusive; sometimes you can set your strategy to attain a result that is a combination of them.

Three years ago, SNI Chairman, Ron Shapiro, founded an annual Business Conference, the Butler Conference of Leaders.  The Conference brings together business and non-profit leaders from across the Nation to address, among other things, economic, political, philanthropic and social issues. The Conference is held at Ron’s Farm in Butler, Maryland. Speakers have included names such as: Freeman Hrabowski , President of UMBC and one of Time Magazine’s 2012 "100 Most Influential People in the World";  Brian Rogers, Chairman and CIO of T Rowe Price Group; Steve Mosko, President of Sony Pictures Television;   Bill Miller of Legg Mason Capital Management; Kevin Plank, Founder and CEO of Under Armour; , Mario Gabelli, a member of Barron’s All-Century Team; and Bob Costas, NBC Broadcaster. We were able to sit down with our colleague, Kim Talbott, the Butler Conference Director, and ask her a few questions about the Conference The first three Butler Conferences have been huge successes. Can you talk a little bit about your role as the Conference Director? The planning for the next year usually starts the week following the Butler Conference, so there’s not much downtime.  I’m part of the planning committee, which consists of Ron Shapiro, George Mister, Terry Randall, and Michael Maas.  We create a timeline that outlines the tasks that need to be completed month by month.  This leaves me with a lot of different responsibilities, some of which include researching  and brainstorming potential speakers,  collaborating on the scope of their presentations, developing the budget, coordinating travel and other logistics for speakers, , and lining up  vendors. What inspired Ron to start the Butler Conference? He said that it’s always been a dream of his to gather the brightest minds in one place. What is the theme of the Conference this year and who is the keynote speaker? We don’t really have a "theme" at any of the Conferences.  We try to cover a broad scope of topics each year.  That being said, the current state of the Economy usually impacts the focus of our Investment Panel - the staple of the Conference.  Our title this year is  "Confronting Challenge, Leading Change: Education, Journalism, Medicine, College Sports,  the Market and More." Freeman A. Hrabowski III is our keynote speaker this year and we couldn’t be more excited.  He is President of UMBC, one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People, and one of the most charismatic people I’ve ever have the pleasure of meeting. Can you tell us a little bit about the panels for this year’s Conference? We have four panels in the Program this year. One panel will discuss the future of journalism.  Another will be a medical panel to speak about Alzheimer’s, stroke, and cancer.  The third panel will discuss the landscape of collegiate sports and the shortcomings/hypocracy of the current system.  The last panel will be focused on investments, which is a yearly fixture.  Each of their panels has the brightest minds in their respective industries. Are there any new speakers this year that you are excited about? I’m really excited about the medical panel.  It’s something different than anything we’ve done before.  I think the audience will appreciate the knowledge these doctors have and the insightful discussion they are going to lead. What has been your most memorable moment from the first three Butler Conferences? This is a tough question, too.  It’s hard for me to pick just one, but I guess it would have to be when Bob Costas did an impression of Howard Cosell.  He’s quite the character.  

Steve Mosko has a significant amount of power in Hollywood.  He is the president of Sony Pictures Television and negotiated the largest syndication of a program in television history—the multimillion-dollar, record setting Seinfeld deal.  Steve can control a room as soon as he walks in and seems completely at ease doing it.  Interestingly, some of his confidence can be traced back to the mistakes that he made.  Steve learned from those mistakes and used them as precedents to help him prepare better in the future. The following is an excerpt from the book "Dare to Prepare" by Ron Shapiro and Gregory Jordan.  It shows that even one of the most powerful people in Hollywood can learn from mistakes to better prepare in the future. Steve became a Hollywood executive at a very young age.  He especially impressed me with the way he realized that he still had a lot to learn even as his career took off.  That openness to making adjustments and learning from mistakes has contributed significantly to Steve’s progression and general competence.  Two of his mistakes, one simple and one significant, demonstrate Steve’s use of errors as opportunities to adjust his preparation. The simple mistake is one anyone could make. "In the early stages of the "Seinfeld" negotiations around the country, I made a simple but critical mistake," Steve said.  "We were sending out our salespeople with an enormous amount of material for the presentations.  Binders, videos, PowerPoint, materials.  One day one of our guys checked it all in at the airport and the stuff never arrived in time for this presentation.  This is a multimillion-dollar deal and we almost blew it.  But we adjusted quickly.  We perfected a system of FedExing and verifying arrival.  We learned to package everything perfectly so that the materials would not be damaged.  We even negotiated a good deal with FedEx.  We sold "Seinfeld" in 213 markets and were negotiating with four to five stations in each market.  We quickly learned that organization would alleviate the anxiety of our salespeople.  That adjustment contributed in a mundane but significant way to our success." Steve made the significant mistake in the late 1990s when Sony developed a new program that was billed as the way to attract the growing young urban audience in the late-night slot.  A void for that audience had been created when Arsenio Hall ended his show.  Steve had a dream partner in the legendary music producer Quincy Jones and his trendsetting magazine, "Vibe".  The combination of Quincy and Sony created great enthusiasm nationwide among local television stations’ decision makers.  They had the entertainer Sinbad as the host.  But after the program’s strong initial sales, the bottom fell out.  Why? "We made a huge mistake," Steve said.  "Rather than have one producer running the show we ran it by committee.  Everything from picking the host to designing the set, from deciding where we would shoot to setting a format, was made by group decision.  Everyone was being so respectful to each other.  We never had  a strong point of view or someone leading the charge.  We picked a young host who wasn’t the greatest choice.  Without a single clear vision, what could have been a major success got bogged down.  An amazing idea got all fouled up.  The program was off the air in a year." Steve, who was executive vice president of sales at the time, got a valuable lesson in programming that he continues to apply as president of Sony Pictures Television today. "You can only have one head coach per program," Steve said.  "There has to be one person calling the shots and being held accountable.  That is the only way I pursue programming ideas now.  You can take ideas from many sources, but one executive producer has to make the decision." Mundane or monumental, lessons like these can make the difference between someone who can adapt to situations or is overwhelmed by them.  

The Chairman of Shapiro Negotiations, Ron Shapiro, shared the story of how his little leaguer son used an unconventional technique that turned out to be a secret weapon. "When my son, David, was a pitcher for his Little League team, he would concentrate so hard on throwing strikes that he’s get very tense, and instead of pitching better, he’d begin to lose control and start to throw wild pitches. The more tense he got, the less he found the strike zone. After a game or two with too many hits and run for the opposing team (which is saying a lot in always high-scoring Little League), I thought maybe I should try to help. Instead of giving David technical advice like "Change your stance to the catcher or shorten your windup," I told him to remind himself to smile when he was on the mound. Baseball is supposed to be fun. Sometimes you forget that and get caught up in the pressure and have to remind yourself. I told him that I’d help remind him. After that, game after game, I’d stand at the sidelines, and to the amusement of other parents, I’d cheer him on with "Smile it up, David. Smile it up," until I’d finally see a smile creep across his face. And right after the smile came the strikes." Sometimes a smile is the best medicine for stress. If it can work for a little leaguer it can work for you. If the next time you find yourself dealing with a difficult negotiator and the encounter is getting heated, stop, take a breath, and smile.  

Sometimes through the course of a career we prepare for something so many times that it becomes second-nature.  We feel that we can begin to relax because we have such a great understanding of what we’re doing and what’s going to happen.  Our chairman, Ron Shapiro, likes to tell a story that reminds us to be careful when uttering the phrase, "I’ve done this before." The following is an excerpt from the book Dare to Prepare by Ron Shapiro. The wisdom gained from hard experience has taught me not to say, "I’ve done this before."  Indeed, one of the toughest lessons for me was the time I lost the opportunity for my sports firm to represent the great slugger Mark Teixeira. Baseballs abiding sentimentality makes a hometown star one of the delights of the game.  The occurrence is rare:  Cal Ripkin, Jr., who grew up near Baltimore; Joe Mauer, a Minnesota boy; the return of Roger Clemens, a legend from his days at the University of Texas, to play for the Houston Astros.  So when Mark was slugging his way through high school baseball in my hometown of Baltimore, I felt very confident that my sports firm would end up representing him. Mark was known to be a big Orioles fan; he came from a strong and famously grounded family; and we had even met on one occasion.  What’s more, his baseball coach was a friend of a former client, the Hall of Famer and Orioles third baseman Brooks Robinson. So, subconsciously, I did not prepare for my meeting with Mark and his family as methodically or even as vigorously as I usually do.  I said to myself, everyone is telling me this is destiny.  A local kid and a good family meet a local sports firm known for a high standard of values and relationships in a morally problematic business.  I said to myself, I’ve done this before. What had I done before?  At my sports firm, we target clients just like Mark.  We have represented Brooks Robinson, Cal Jr., Kirby Puckett, and later Joe Mauer.  We are small and want to stay small, and we strive to find clients who want life coaches as much as contract negotiators. I generally prepare for meeting this sort of client and his parents by proceeding through my preparation principles.  In particular, I focus on four of the principles: objectives, precedents, alternatives, and interests.  I set our objectives of making clear our desire to engage in a long-term relationship, collaborate with the client in building a solid personal brand, and earn a competitive fee.  I look thoroughly at precedents—the scripts and notes from previous presentations.  And I prepare to cite some of these precedents in the meeting with the potential clients.  I look at alternative ways to structure the potential client’s goals prior to the Major League Baseball draft and discuss this at the presentation.  And I try to determine clearly the interests of the client: How important is money to him?  What kind of organization would fit his personality?  How important are family and friends and relationships in general?  What other agents is he considering? I did very little of this as we prepared to present our firm to Mark Teixeira.  I said, I’ve done this before, and my track record speaks for itself.  Guess who got to represent Mark?  Scott Boras.  Yes, the guy who got Alex Rodriguez the contract the size of the GDP of some small nations.  The guy loved by players seeking fortunes and feared by ownership and management for his winning track record. Scott came on my turf and beat me at my own game.  I no longer was confidently saying, I’ve done this before.  I was struggling to answer to myself as I asked over and over, What have I done? I walked into the meeting coasting on my career and my reputation as a good guy in Baltimore.  I did not have a deep understanding of the family’s financial objectives or Mark’s professional and educational goals.  I did not probe them with questions about what they looked for in an organization.  I did not present a thorough negotiating plan.  I did not prepare methodically.  

Have you ever suffered from "negotiation fever"?  You probably have.  It’s where you get so caught up in the heat of making a deal that you lose sight of the quality of the deal.  As an outside observer you may know it’s a bad deal,but since your directly involved you forget about your objectives. If you ever catch yourself in a deal where any of the following occur, a large red sign should appear. When the other side forces you below your bottom line If you’ve prepared before sitting down, you know your starting point for a deal and you know your ending point.  This is the point past which you not only don’t want to go, but literally can’t.  At this point, the deal no longer pays out, has a return, works, or makes sense for your side.   When you have better alternatives than the one proposed Ask yourself if it’s a good deal by absolute standards or merely as good as it’s going to get with the other party.  If you know there’s another buyer, seller, landlord, tenant, supplier, shipper, or partner with whom you can make a better deal, don’t get drawn into a lesser deal just because it’s the one at hand.   When you’re confident the other side cannot abide by the terms of the deal Don’t think you’re the only one who can get seduced into making a deal just because it’s the one on the table.  Make sure that at some point you take a step back and survey the situation.  Can the other side really do what they say?  Can they deliver?  Or will you spend as much time and effort enforcing the deal as you have making it?   When long-term problems can outweigh short-term gains Have you ever eaten a fudge brownie sundae because it’s in front of you and then hate yourself in the morning when you get on the scale?  This is a similar situation.  If the terms of the contract are going to become a problem for you in the future, don’t sign the contract so you can get the instant gratification of finishing the deal.    

If you prepare before a negotiation, you will be more confident.  Confidence greatly improves your chances of negotiating a good Win-win deal.  But sometimes the stance you take in looking at the negotiation is important too.  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Are you getting most of the provisions you wanted, or are you losing a few?  Don’t disregard how important having a positive outlook on things can be when trying to find that perfect balance for a WIN-win negotiation. The following is an excerpt from the book "The Power of NICE" which tells a story about a very confident young boy who sees the scoreboard through rose-colored glasses. "Never underestimate how far confidence and a positive attitude will take you.  Some people are born with this outlook.  My 6-year-old nephew is one of these people.  I went to see him pitch in a Little League game.  First, he walked the first five batters.  He then struck out two kids who could barely hold their bats up.  The next kid bunted the ball but ended up with a home run because of all the fielding errors.   After several more walks and hits and errors and lots of runs, my nephew struck out one more kid.  The inning, mercifully, was over.  He had given up 12 runs.  As he walked over to me, I expected tears.  I said, "Nick, are you okay?"  He broke into a broad smile and said, "Yeah!  Did you see that?  I struck out the side!!!"  That’s looking at the positive side."  

It can be challenging for most of us to come up with solutions that allow the other side to save face.  It’s not an easy task to step outside of ourselves and think like the other side.  (Hey, they are the other side after all.  How could they be right?)  One technique we have used to bridge the gap to the foreign territory is the exercise of "writing the other side’s press release."  In other words, as you come up with options that they may find attractive, give yourself the hypothetical assignment of crafting a statement to the press that explains why the resolution is a "win" for the other person, as if you are the other person.  Forcing yourself to go through this exercise will ensure that you frame proposals or options from a point of view that demonstrates benefit to the other side.  It is rare that you will ever be in a situation in which you are writing a real (not just hypothetical) press release, but this practice can really make the difference when you are explaining how your proposal allows them to win as well. That being said, there was one time Ron actually did write the press release to announce the other side’s "victory" (which, in reality, he had shaped and defined on behalf of his client).  Ron represented a well-known news anchor that happened to be the single most desired local anchor in the country at the time.  The news anchor was happy where he was and didn’t want to leave, but he wanted to be compensated accordingly.  He also didn’t want too much attention on the dollars involved in the contract.  The news station wanted to pay him, but they didn’t want the backlash of the largest contract of all time.  So what did Ron do?  He wrote a press release focusing on the length of the contract, which also happened to be the longest of all time.  This made the news station’s management look like they had won the deal, since they would be able to keep him basically for life.  Ron handed the press release to them, and they liked it so much that after a few tweaks they actually used it themselves.

You know that feeling you get when you’re in a negotiation and you feel like you’re not being heard?  You talk and talk but no matter what you say you feel like the other side isn’t listening.  They may be feigning interest, but you know that they’re not really hearing what you’re saying. You become a little agitated and try even harder to get them to listen.  Eventually you feel like your heart is beating faster and your collar is getting tighter.  Is this all in your head?  No, it’s actually a proven effect. The following is an excerpt from the book Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People by Ron Shapiro, Mark Jankowski, and Jim Dale.  It shows that changes in your emotions can change your physiology and vice versa. Psychologist James J. Lynch, director of the life Care Health Center and former faculty member at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, is one of the first researchers to use a technology that measures patients’ blood pressure, almost word by word, during conversation.  What he discovered is something we have long sensed, that speaking has an identifiable, measurable effect on our bodies, specifically on our cardiovascular systems.  Put simply, talking tends to cause blood pressure to rise and it continues to climb until the speaker senses that he or she has been heard or understood.  Sometimes, of course, that never occurs, leaving the speaking not only frustrated but with markedly increased blood pressure. Lynch first observed this in crying babies.  Adults react just like crying babies except that we have learned to socialize without crying (most of the time).  As with babies, when adults are heard (or comforted), their blood pressure tends to decrease.  Lynch says, "The biggest misconception. . .is that talking is a mental process.  You. . .talk with every cell in your body." The bottom line is that while talking without feeling you are communicating or "getting through" can raise blood pressure (and possibly do physical harm), the converse is also true.  When the relationship between talker and audience or listener is positive, it can be healing.  Both parties communicate and derive a psychological as well as physical benefit.  

E-learning sales training has become quite popular and the new trend in staff training.  With globally-dispersed teams, and decreased time, dollars and resources to spend on sales training, more and more companies are investing in versatile e-learning strategies to train their sales staff.  According to Bersin & Associates, approximately 20% of training programs now involve e-learning. There are a wide variety of formats to choose from — self-paced audio and video webinars, podcasts, interactive simulations, or live video classrooms.   These formats are extremely convenient and flexible.  They can be easily downloaded and viewed anywhere and anytime by all their staff.  No longer do salespeople have to waste travel time, hotels and travel expenses, all to meet up at a particular location for the training.  They no longer have to come off the road or away from the phone, and be tied up in meetings all day.  They can fit the training in when convenient. This flexibility is extremely advantageous, but is it as effective in providing solid, traditional in-person sales training?  There are many pros and cons to consider. Some feel the personal element is lost.  Many experienced sales professionals are more comfortable in the traditional formats, doing one-on-one role-playing and scenarios.  Passively watching others, on a small screen, discussing such scenarios is not the same as personally being in the room and taking an active role.  A great example of this can be found in a study conducted by Corporate University Xchange.  They studied 4,148 online learners and in regards to retention, the e-learning drop-out rate was about 70% percent compared to only 15% for classroom training. But for others, especially those new recruits who have grown up along side electronic technology, their comfort levels and engagement are greater.  They expect these formats and find it unusual for companies not to invest in them.  They view the traditional methods as outdated, regardless of how relevant or up-to-date the information being presented is. Another key consideration is that not everyone learns from watching.  Some learn more effectively from doing.  For example, watching a video of a sales demo about the operation of a complex piece of equipment you are actually required to personally demo and sell yourself to customers perhaps is not the best way to learn how it works.  For proper learning in this situation, it would be more practical to be able to physically touch and operate the equipment. Thus, the effectiveness of the e-learning format is dependent and bound by the type of product or service being sold, and the type of information being presented.  For example, a quick podcast would be best suited for market updates or a new success story. Sales departments traditionally are big on being cohesive, tight-knit teams.  With the personal, team-building element lost when the employees undergo training solo, how does the sales department maintain or build that cohesive environment they strive for?  It is important that this is not lost, and that other forms of team-building are implemented and encouraged. Many companies struggle with this challenge and hire specialized consultants, like SNI, to assist in developing better designed training programs.  E-learning sales training is continually evolving and being incorporated into sales departments existing training programs.  It is an important element and should be continually and carefully evaluated to determine its overall ROI, effectiveness and relevance, and not just viewed and used as a cost cutting measure.

Have you ever sat in a sales planning meeting and a few minutes into it realized that you don’t know which account your manager is currently talking about?  While your coworkers have been discussing and making plans, you have been thinking about all the emails that you need to respond to and getting to your kid’s baseball game on-time tonight.  This happens all the time and to everyone; especially in our time-limited, multi-tasking society.  And not to mention with all the technological gadgets and devices that we are constantly being distracted with.  Research suggests that we remember less than 50% of what we hear.  Meaning we miss over half of everything. However, those that excel in sales negotiation have excellent listening skills.  In order to effectively probe, listening is critical.  The more information you are able to obtain from the other side, the better your position and the greater power you hold.  However, getting more information from the other party is always a challenge.  In order to extract information, you have to probe effectively.  This involves focusing and carefully listening to what the other side is saying and telling you.  It is important to hear not only the words that another person is saying, but to understand the complete message being sent and what is being implied so you can ask appropriate follow-up questions and probe further.  It is important to focus, listen and understand. SNI teaches a simple, but effective approach to enhance your listening skills. It is - "The Three Cs" - Connect, Consider and Confirm.  First, connect yourself either through eye contact if you are in a meeting or by using the person’s name that you are on the phone with.   Second, carefully consider your response after listening to the other person.  Pause to reflect and then formulate a response.  Don’t mentally form your comment or counter argument while they are still talking.  You can’t effectively listen if you are busy thinking.  Third, confirm what is to be discussed and what has been discussed.  Using agendas and written summaries help to prioritize and highlight important aspects, and also eliminate harmful mistakes and misunderstandings. These are just a few, easy ways to help you become a more effective listener.  

From cutting deals in the boardroom to learning to recognize your own flaws, we want to help you and your sales team be as effective as possible. To increase your effectiveness, you have to carefully cultivate the habits of your sales team at a fundamental level. 2012 has brought about a shift in sales training trends that places a larger focus on "small-level" performance improvement. Check out seven tips to boost in-office performance that can help you can shave off countless hours of wasted time across the board… Give your sales team "process maps." Your company may have hundreds of processes that happen on a routine basis, from submitting pay sheets to sending out memos. Chances are, some of your employees will spend three minutes on submitting a pay sheet while others spend 20 minutes on the task. Determine the most efficient method for these types of processes to be completed, and give employees recommended guidelines for how much time they should spend on the task. Create benchmarks. Watch your big picture goals become much more manageable when you break them down into small goals for your team. If you want your 20-person sales team to generate 400 leads over the next month, then break it down. That’s 20 leads per person, which is one lead per day over the course of four weeks. Check in to see how your team is meeting your benchmarks. Create your personal schedule at the beginning of every day. Obviously, you have to work around meetings and other commitments. But, you should schedule each half-hour segment of your day with particular tasks. This will keep you on-track and focused. Encourage your sales team to do the same. Block out a morning for "spring cleaning" once per quarter. When you get rid of office clutter, unnecessary papers, and other visual distractions, you will see a big performance improvement. Provide your team with recycling bins and waste receptacles. If you give each employee his/her own waste receptacle, then it’s more likely that your initiative will be acted upon. Reward highly efficient salespeople. When your team realizes that you’re serious about rewarding, they’re more likely to act on your performance improvement initiatives. Get your Internet under control. Efficiency experts like Tim Ferriss have been pushing for this for years. If possible, only access email two to three times a day. Avoid social networking sites during office hours. Use a RSS feed for your blogs. It’s all easier said than done, but good habits take practice. Don’t micromanage. It’s easy to get carried away with these tips. However, the more freedom you grant your team (and the more respect you show them!), the better performance improvement results you’ll witness. What fundamental strategies do you employ in your office?