Leyla Seka's blog post was featuredDo You Have What It Takes to Be a Kick Ass Small Business CEO?With half of small businesses failing in the first 1-5 years, you need to be a special kind of crazy to think you can start and grow one of your own. I’ve been working with startups for years, first as VP of the AppExchange marketplace at Salesforce and now as SVP and GM of Desk.com, our customer service app for fast-growing businesses.During that time, I’ve seen some amazing companies with incredible leaders. Here’s what they all have in common:Delusional levels of optimism. With small businesses tanking all around you, you have to be insanely optimistic to think you can buck the odds. But the truth is, if you don’t believe in yourself, who else will? If you’re going to convince investors to give you money, and attract and hire great people, you have to believe in yourself.Juggling skills. In the glamorous life of a small business CEO you may be called upon to deal with everything from presenting to your board to ordering toilet paper for the bathrooms. You need to make sure that nothing drops through the cracks (after all, youdo need toilet paper) but spend most of your time on activities that will move the needle.The ability to let go. You can’t possibly get a small business off of the ground if you need to make every single decision yourself. You need to hire people who can figure out what needs to be done without waiting to be told, and then do it. This is not the time to let your ego get in the way. Hire self-starters, then get out of their way.A dead simple value proposition. Having a strong vision is not enough. In today’s short attention span world you also need to be able to articulate that vision in plain english in 90 seconds or less. You can’t recruit employees or sway investors if you can’t quickly make them understand and appreciate your dream. And you need to be able to make customers appreciate it too.Personality. You need people that will give 110% of themselves to your company. Not many startups can offer a sizeable enough paycheck to inspire that kind of loyalty, so you need to lead with personality. Rally employees around a shared mission. Give them a reason to believe, and make it fun. Celebrate birthdays and babies. Volunteer together. Give crazy awards. Whatever suits your personality.Customer obsession. In today’s world, your product is only as good as the service you back it with. Many well established industries are being disrupted by a focus on the customer experience, and service can be one of your key differentiators. A relentless focus on customers needs to be part of your company’s DNA from day one — and as CEO you have to set the example by helping with support and placing customers’ needs before your own.So, are you that special kind of crazy? Are you a delusionally optimistic, customer-obsessed, juggler? If you think you have what it takes to take a startup to stardom, just take a deep breath and jump right in. You can do this thing.Leyla Seka leads Salesforce's Desk.com.See More
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:25am</span>
TweetHas the book Now You’re Thinking! been on your shopping list for a while, but you just haven’t had time to hit the book store?  Well, you’re in luck.  Right now the Kindle version is FREE on Amazon.  Click here to go to the Amazon Kindle Store.  We don’t know how long the book will be free, so go download it now. Right now Now You’re Thinking! ranked #178 of all books in the Free Kindle store, #1 in Human Resources and Personnel Management, and #1 in Office Skills. Remember, you don’t have to have a Kindle to read an eBook, you can always use the Kindle app for your iPhone, iPad, PC, Mac or Android device.   About the Book Living the good life and want to make it great? Desperate to give your career an "extreme makeover"? Either way, the changes you want start inside your own head, with the way you think. This book is the blueprint you need to build greater success by teaching you breakthrough techniques for thinking far more effectively. That’s the secret of making better decisions: whether you’re working toward a promotion or considering refinancing your house. Some thinking processes simply work better than others, and this book teaches you the ones that are proven to work best. The authors start with the extraordinary true story of Amenah, just two years old, dying in an Iraqi village and in desperate need of complicated open-heart surgery unavailable in her own country. The authors reveal the extraordinary thinking and courage that saved her life and show how you can use the same approaches to transform every aspect of yours.   About the Authors Judy Chartrand is a recognized thought leader in the areas of critical thinking and career development. Chartrand works as a consulting Chief Scientist with Pearson. As a psychologist, Chartrand has helped hundreds of clients increase their personal and career satisfaction. She frequently speaks at national and international conferences and has published more than 50 articles and books. Chartrand lives in Minnesota and has two grown children. Stewart Emery is coauthor of the international bestsellers Success Built to Last and Do You Matter?: How Great Design Will Make People Love Your Company. He has a lifetime of experience as an entrepreneur, creative director, corporate culture consultant, and executive coach. He has led workshops and seminars and delivered keynotes all over the world. Russ Hall is author of fourteen books and coauthor of numerous other books. He has also had short stories, essays, and articles published in a wide array of media and has received several awards. Heather Ishikawa is the National Sales Director for Pearson TalentLens. Ishikawa has extensive experience in architecting corporatewide, assessment-based leadership development initiatives. Ishikawa has delivered workshops to hundreds of leaders on the topics of critical thinking, leadership, teambuilding, communication, and change management. She lives in California with her husband and two children. John Maketa is the Director of Strategic Partnerships for Pearson TalentLens. Maketa is a dynamic leader in enterprise growth, developing bold and creative strategic alliances that catapult global performance and profit. Maketa is known throughout the learning and development industry as a major connector who is able to strategically align initiatives for parties on both sides of the table with unparalleled financial and professional success. He lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and son.   Have you read Now You’re Thinking?  Be sure to write a review on Amazon.  We’d love to hear what you think of the book.
Judy Chartrand   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Daniel Burrus's blog post was featuredThe Privacy Revolt: The Growing Demand For Privacy-as-a-ServiceThere’s one thing just about every company has in common right now. Without even necessarily meaning to, they have in some way become the proprietor of a new kind of wealth. I’m referring of course to their customers’ data. But the flipside to acquiring that data is your customers now hold you to certain expectations: namely, that you’re taking steps to safeguard their privacy.So, let me put it simply: No matter what market you’re in, no matter what service you provide or product you sell… from right now until the end of time, you’re in the privacy game. Welcome.What are you doing to provide privacy-as-a-service (PaaS)? Because this is a service that consumers increasingly view less as a bonus and more as an absolute necessity. How are you preparing for the coming privacy revolt? Because it is coming. Pay attention to the signs, so you can have a strategy in place before it’s too late…The State of PrivacyAs companies large and small, not to mention government agencies, are hacked, consumers of all ages are becoming increasingly aware that their growing dependence on technology has come at the expense of their privacy. With every ad we click, product we purchase online, and website we browse, we leave a digital trail and we paint a picture of ourselves for anyone who has the means to see.Even if you are one of those people who eschews social media and resists the temptation to document your life online, you can’t escape the big data gobblers that have insinuated themselves into every aspect of our lives. Companies across all industries are using technology to collect data on you. Think about it:Your smartphone continuously tracks your whereabouts. Beyond that, your service provider can access all the information you have stored on your device, including your contacts’ information and how often you receive or send a text.Smart grids track your energy usage and collect details about your life — from your daily routines to the appliances you use.Insurance providers will offer you a discount if you let them track your every move while driving.The healthcare industry is pushing for devices that would allow doctors’ to collect data on you outside of the doctor’s office. For example, Apple recently launched its HealthKit platform, which allows doctors to collect real-time data from iPhones and Apple devices.Companies, using browser fingerprinting, cookies, authenticated tracking, cross-device tracking and other methods, are monitoring your online activity and using that data to send you targeted ads.Those are just a handful of ways you are being tracked. So unless you’re willing to live completely off-the-grid, someone, somewhere is compiling a profile of you. Creepy? That’s one way to look at it. A fact of modern life? No doubt, it is.What Does This Mean for Business Owners?You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that consumers are increasingly growing concerned about their privacy.Large-scale data breaches that have allowed consumer data to end up in the wrong hands has fueled the fear. The recent high-profile attacks on Anthem and Target (to name just a couple) have shown that this is truly a pan-industry problem. Predominantly, however, people are worried less about malicious hackers and more about what companies are doing with all of the data they collect. What are you doing to assure your customers that you’re acting in their best interests with the data you collect on them?Those concerns are legitimate because in many cases the reasons companies collect the data in the first place is paltry when compared to how valuable the data actually is. Without consumers’ knowledge, wireless providers, app developers, online retail stores, insurers, and basically anyone else can sell the data to the highest bidder.The backlash is beginning. According to Harris Interactive and TRUSTe study, 84 percent of consumers are less likely to click on an online ad and 74 percent are less likely to enable location tracking. In addition, a full 89 percent won’t do business with a company that doesn’t do a good enough job protecting them online. And 76 percent are likely to check websites and apps for a privacy certification seal.All that points to one thing: Consumers are wary and businesses will suffer tremendous losses if they fail to build consumers’ trust and confidence in the organization’s ability to protect their privacy. They are going to expect privacy-as-a-service (PaaS), and if they don’t get it from you, they’ll go looking elsewhere.I recommend that you take a long, hard look at how you are collecting and using customers’ data. Why are you collecting it?  Why is it important to your business? How do you use it? And do your customers want that?Follow this advice to build consumers’ confidence in your ability to protect their privacy:Put security measures in place. Hire the right IT people, invest in top-of-the-line equipment, and train your employees to follow protocols. If you haven’t taken the proper precautions, you can’t protect your customers. It’s that simple.Be transparent. Tell customers how you collect their data and how you plan to use it. Rather than bury your disclosure in some long-form policy that people don’t want to read — or can’t understand — make your language simple, straightforward, and easily viewable. Go a step further and share details about all the measures you are taking to protect customers’ information.Collect only what you need. You send up a warning flag when you ask for too much information for simple online transactions. Ask consumers to share only the information that is required for them to do business with you.Offer customers a choice. Verizon, for example, recently announced that it is allowing customers to opt out of its online advertising campaign completely, so even it’s "supercookies" can’t track users’ activity.Don’t sell customers’ data. If you can’t stand the thought of losing that source of revenue, think about the income you will lose when your current customers defect because they feel you have violated their privacy rights. Imagine the potential customers that won’t do business with you because they don’t trust you.The privacy revolt is starting, and as more consumers become fed up with unsolicited ads and questionable marketing techniques, they’ll turn to tools that help them protect their privacy and ultimately keep you from marketing to them at all. Take steps now to protect your customers — and your business.Daniel Burrus is the founder and CEO of Burrus Research. He is the author of six books including the New York Times best seller "Flash Foresight."See More
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Gavin Kelly, Michael A. Detarando, Jessica Ann Morris and 10 more joined Innovation Insights
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
TweetHow many stories did you tell today?  One?  Two?  Twenty? How many stories did you hear?  Can you remember the image you had in your mind when you heard the story?  Could you envision what the characters looked like even if you’ve never met them? Have you ever met someone and thought "Oh, that’s not what I thought she’d look like"? We are natural storytellers.  We also naturally create a mental image to go along with the stories we hear or read.  Those mental images stick with us and help us remember the details of the story long term. And that is why training through storytelling is so effective. Tell me 10 facts and I may not remember them.  Tell me 10 stories about how those facts made an impact on your life and I will remember them forever. A great example of successful storytelling in a training context is the FISH Philosophy.  Tell me it’s important to have fun at work, and I’ll roll my eyes at you.  SHOW me a real story of how working in a stinky fish market can be made fun, entertaining, and improve the customer experience, and I’ll remember it for years (for me it has been 11 years to be exact). Storytelling can be particularly effective in critical thinking training too.  Some people shy away from critical thinking training because it doesn’t sound fun.  It sounds academic and philosophical.  It doesn’t have to be. By starting with an engaging story of effective thinking, you can create a mental image of how critical thinking works.  Learners can connect with the characters and envision how they would have handled a similar situation. That’s what Pearson TalentLens is doing with their new half-day training program THINK Now!  Learners start by reading the Now You’re Thinking! book to connect with a heartwarming, heroic story of phenomenal thinking, problem solving and decision making.  Then they take the My Thinking Styles assessment so they can learn which of the 7 Powerful Thinking Styles is their natural approach to thinking. Next, the trainer connects the story of how Marines saved the life of a 2-year old girl to the 5 Steps to New Thinking and the Thinking Styles.  To create an even stronger mental connection between the critical thinking model and the real-life story described in the Now You’re Thinking! book, the trainer shows video interviews of the Marines involved in saving Amenah’s life. Participants walk away from the training with a strong understanding of a critical thinking model AND a real life example of how the use of that model has been successful in the past.  Additionally, when they recall the individual differences of each thinking style, they will remember a character from the story that embodied the characteristics of that style. It is that meaningful connection and mental image that will reinforce the lessons learned for months and years to come.   Try telling a story with a life lesson today and see how long your employees remember it.  You will be amazed by the results. How do you train critical thinking in your organization?
Judy Chartrand   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Himanshu Sareen's blog post was featuredAn Economy of Trust: How Transparency Is Changing the Tech IndustryThe building of customer trust has always been the mark of a good business, and its importance has only become more pronounced with the widespread ubiquity of the internet. But the amount of innate trust we place in our technology has grown tenfold since the early days of AOL and Yahoo!, when hardware could hardly keep track of our names, much less our daily habits.In the current tech landscape, trust is—as the industry trends analysts at Hyper Island phrase it—a "high-value currency." And it’s true: How many companies have experienced irreparable brand fallout due to breaches of public trust? While it’s possible for businesses like Uber and Apple to carry on even after these trust-related disasters in the public eye, these kinds of missteps can mean the difference between success and failure in this new trust-based technology industry.It’s an absolute necessity that tech businesses earn the trust of their customers, but we’re still firing shots in the dark when it comes to finding a qualitative approach to building trust. How far, for instance, does an individual company need to go to make their customers trust them? Should they implement full transparency, or is there a certain point to which corporate practices should remain classified? The truth is that the answer isn’t always clear-cut.What Makes Your Audience Trust Your Business?What we do know about trustworthiness in technology is that it doesn’t start at the corporate policy level. Think about how much trust it takes, for instance, for a user to give you access to their personal information. Just getting to this point requires an initial sense of trust, which businesses attempt to develop in a variety of ways.This is where the system fragments into thousands of possibilities. In the non-profit space, for instance, we’ve noticed that trust works in mysterious ways. While you might think that audiences would trust non-profit organizations more than other businesses, non-profits are actually held to a higher standard of transparency. When people are donating their money, after all, they want to make sure that a majority of it will go directly to the cause.This is why storytelling is so important to non-profits. Take the Robin Hood Foundation, whose website homepage features in big bold letters: "100% OF YOUR DONATION GOES DIRECTLY TO FIGHTING POVERTY." For the non-profit space, this information is paramount to success. What’s important to note, however, is that there’s no one "trust threshold" that will apply to every industry, much less every business. While a revenue statistic might work wonders for Robin Hood, it may do absolutely nothing for your business. When it comes to your own company, focus on what makes your business trustworthy, and make an effort to deliver that to your audience.Designing for TrustSometimes, the most important trust you can develop doesn’t start with corporate transparency, but with smaller-scale design decisions. If you require users to sign into your software by creating an account, for instance, are certain that you’ve built a trustworthy enough experience to incentivize them to move forward? Even the smallest of design details can tell a user that your software is trustworthy, from quick loading times to smooth UX flow, all the way to clear navigational cues.E-Commerce is one example of a space where design cues are tremendously important for building trust. When asking users for their credit card number, even the inclusion of a small image—indicating that you’re TRUSTe certified—can mean the difference between a conversion and a pass. User reviews, product zoom, customer support - all of these have become necessities in the E-Commerce space because they provide a company with trustworthiness that they need to make their sales.The Potential of TransparencyAt the moment, it’s difficult to tell where transparency is taking us. As giant corporations like Uber begin to feel the trust-diminishing sting of public missteps, and as we give our gadgets more access to our daily lives, it seems that trustworthiness will have to scale up at a similar rate. For now, we don’t have to look any further than the social media publishing platform Buffer to get a good idea of what full transparency might look like. In a recent interview, Buffer co-founder Leo Widrich discussed the company’s extreme "open" policy, which publishes everything from employee salaries to company emails:"When we published all salaries online, I think in that month we had 4,000 people wanting to work for Buffer. People were coming to us and saying ‘I know more about your company than about the company that I’m working for right now.’"By keeping everything transparent, Buffer allows for a more streamlined flow of ideas. But their transparency also has a secondary effect: It imbues Buffer with a trustworthiness that they wouldn't otherwise possess. If they’re willing to publish their employee salaries, after all, why would they have any reason to deceive users about something as simple as a license agreement or pricing model?The important thing to note here is that Buffer is still treading into unexplored terrain. While all-around transparency can be a boon for smaller companies, it’s wholly possible that such policies would fall flat in the context of larger organizations. Still, when it comes to developing customer trust and improving internal collaboration, businesses might learn a thing or two from Buffer’s practices.For now, trustworthiness in technology is still a complex puzzle. Every business will need to work out their own unique solutions to build customer trust, whether it involves complete transparency or smaller UX cues. Until we’ve developed a wide library of best practices for customer trustworthiness across industries, there’s still plenty of room for experimentation in the field. One thing remains certain, though: If you’re not prioritizing trust in your own tech business, you’re behind the curve no matter how revolutionary your product might be.Himanshu Sareen is the CEO of Icreon Tech, a global IT consultancy delivering business solutions and custom applications. See More
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Lee J. Schneider commented on Leyla Seka's blog post Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Kick Ass Small Business CEO?
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joseph Grenny is coauthor of four New York Times bestsellers, Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer. READ MORE Dear Crucial Skills, My husband recently passed away, and although I’m sure they don’t mean to hurt me, several of my friends and family members have made insensitive comments about my loss or the way I grieve. For example, people have told me, "It was God’s will," and, "It’s time to get on with your life." I know it’s hard to know what to say in this situation and I know they are trying to help, but I don’t know what to say when somebody belittles my pain. How can I respond to seemingly insensitive comments about my husband’s death?Signed,Don’t Make it Worse Dear Don’t Make it Worse,I’m so sorry about your husband. I’m especially sorry that the pain you’re feeling has been compounded by others’ actions. I wish I could help with the first problem, but I hope to offer some helpful ideas for solving the second.I wanted to offer meaningful advice, so I asked our 180,000 newsletter readers to share their perspective. I read through pages and pages of their wise and heartfelt comments, and I’d like to share a summary of the recurring insights, allowing many of our readers’ caring voices to speak to you through direct quotes.If it’s okay, I’m going to broaden your question to three: What do people want when they’re grieving? What don’t they want? What should you do when people say or do things that don’t help? 1. What do people want when they’re grieving? They want your heart, not your brain.Too many times, we avoid those in pain because we aren’t sure what to say. We think we need soothing poetry laced with wisdom of the ages to spill from our mouths in order to soothe their pain. Don’t wait for inspired words, just make contact, grieve alongside them, and share the moment.Here are a few comments from others who have lost a loved one: Don’t avoid the grieving person because you don’t know what to say. "I’m sorry for your loss" is enough. Your mere presence is enough. I don’t remember anyone telling me it was okay to feel sad or lost, or to hate what breast cancer did to my mom’s little body. It would have helped if someone allowed me to grieve. Simply asking how he or she is doing and saying "I care" goes a long way. When my husband died fourteen years ago, it was helpful to me when friends called and left messages to "check in on me." I would come home from work each night and just listen to the love and concern of dear friends. I felt no need to call back; I just listened. When someone I love is going through shock and pain from some precipitating event (like death, job loss, etc.), I put a reminder on my schedule two weeks, two months, and six months out. People often get a flurry of support close to the incident, followed by a long quiet time. I find that going to lunch with them in these intervals allows me to be with them at times when loneliness or self-doubt can be most profound.2. What don’t they want? They don’t want judgment, repetition, or assignments. We may not realize it, but much of what we do when we try to reassure those who have lost loved ones is self-centered. Years ago, Mel Lerner described a common human motivation called the Just-World Hypothesis. We all want to believe the world is just and fair. If we work hard, eat right, exercise regularly, and do our share of house chores—life will work out. When we pass a traffic accident on the freeway, our belief in a "just world" is at risk for a moment. So somewhat reflexively, we drive slowly by the victim, scouring the scene for any evidence that it couldn’t possibly happen to us. "I bet they were texting while driving," we might conclude as we notice a young driver. Or, "A sports car—figures. Poor fool."If you’re not careful, you can respond similarly to those who have experienced the death of a loved one. We want their pain to go away so we can reassure ourselves that we can avoid pain as well. So we offer advice on grieving, judgment to help them put their pain "in perspective," etc. Be careful, because when we feel a need to make these kinds of comments, it’s often more because we want to restore our faith in a "just world" than because we want to soothe our friend’s pain.Many reader comments complained of friends who offered judgment or unwanted advice rather than providing a simple connection. My mother passed away last year after a fairly long illness. I struggled to get her the care and attention she needed while still managing my own life and career, so I hated when people I encountered said, "Why don’t you just do . . .?" On several occasions, I thought I was going to come over the table at the next person who authoritatively asked me why I didn’t do this or that to deal with the situation—like I was too stupid to think of the most basic, obvious solutions. When I lost my seven-month-old daughter, I didn’t want any religious speech about how she was in a better place or that God had a plan for her. I just wanted (and still want) people to grieve with me. At my father’s post-funeral luncheon, a friend told my stepmother that she would find herself dating again before long. I could hardly believe the insensitivity of the comment. My stepmother has struggled to forgive this person and realize it was an awkward attempt at helping her remember that in time, the pain will subside and life will take on a more routine feeling again. Secondly, people don’t want you to force them to review the facts of the case for the hundredth time. They also might not want to give you an emotional health report. Be aware that asking, "So what happened?" or "How are you?" can put a burden on them. During my wife’s long illness, we coached friends not to ask "How are you?" as a standard greeting. This forces the patient to choose between "I’m fine, how are you?" and a discussion of the medical treatments. It’s better that friends provide a positive change by simply stating, "How nice to see you!" I recommend you offer condolences and say, "I’ve been thinking about you and/or praying for you." A simple, "I don’t know what to say" or a hug is far better than a question that I have to respond to such as, "How are you?" Finally, don’t give them an assignment. When we’re at a loss for what to say we often end with, "If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know." If you really want to do something, think. Stop and think about everything you know about their life. Where do they live? What little chores do they have to do to make it through a day? What extra tasks will now fall on them because of the loss? Empathize as best you can until you find some proactive task you can do to communicate real compassion. It won’t matter if it’s the perfect idea; it just matters that you take initiative rather than assign them to involve you. They rarely will, so the offer rings hollow.After my neighbor lost a loved one his wonderful friend showed up to mow his lawn for the next three months. Did the man want his lawn mowed? I don’t know. I do know that he felt more love from that empathic gesture than if his neighbor had said, "What can I do?"Here’s a comment from one of our readers: I so appreciated those who just did things for me and didn’t ask me to "give them a call if I needed something." Most of the time, I couldn’t think of what I needed or didn’t have the energy to make the call to ask. 3. What should you do when people say or do things that don’t help?Our readers gave great advice about dealing with insensitive comments that came down to three wise suggestions:First, be proactive. When you know you’re feeling very sensitive, tell people what you do and don’t want. One wise father avoided a whole lot of hurt feelings by just making it safe to grieve and feel differently—and encouraging his kids to let each other know what worked for them. When my mother passed away, my father made it very clear that each family member would come to terms with our mother’s passing in different ways and times. He went on to say that "Grieving is a process and not an event. Each person had a different relationship with Mom and all of you have a different relationship with each other. We may say things without thinking them through, so please be sensitive and know there may be misunderstandings. Everyone needs to be patient with each other because we really don’t know what the other person is truly thinking." The most common piece of advice was to Master Your Story. Realize as you grieve that even those who make annoying comments are trying to deal with real emotions—yours or theirs. Let them be imperfect. I don’t hold much store by what people said. Honestly, it’s only words and it’s often a sign that people feel awkward. It’s silly clinging onto words when none of it matters. Dying is part of life and none of us have the answers for doing it gracefully, we just have to get through it the best we can. When others are insensitive, don’t take it personally. Try to understand that they don’t mean any harm. They just don’t know what to do. Make this the new story you tell yourself. Finally, if you need to give others boundaries in what they say, do it quickly before you build up too much resentment. It’s perfectly fine to politely, but firmly, let people know what you don’t want. When faced with insensitive comments, perhaps you could respond, "We all wish circumstances had not led to this end. I am not focusing on how my husband died, but that he is now gone. Your comments on how and why he died do not change the fact that I have lost my husband and my world has changed." My mother died recently. While we weren’t particularly close, I loved her very much and miss her dearly. Every time this subject came up in a conversation with my boss, she would say, "I know you weren’t very close to your mom . . ." It was time for a crucial conversation, so I asked to meet with her. I expressed to her how much I appreciated her support through my bereavement. I then asked her if I could request something of her that would be very important to my healing process. I said, "Could you please not mention that I wasn’t very close to my mom. I know you mean well, but it makes me feel bad and right now I want to focus on the good parts of our relationship." It was a great lesson for both of us. Thank you for raising this question. The pain you feel right now is universal. You’ve given all of us a gift by sharing the question at this tender time by letting us think about ways to offer greater and more useful love and support during one of life’s most poignant experiences.We compiled many of our readers’ wonderful and helpful comments and would like to share them with you. Please visit us on Facebook to download our free e-book, How to Talk About the Loss of a Loved One: Dos and Don’ts of Comforting Others.With love,Joseph Related Material:Change Anything: A Weight Loss Mind-set Change Anything: Motivating Weight Loss Change Anything: An Important Weight Loss Tool
Joseph Grenny   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Brian Cometa commented on Mano ten Napel's blog post If Google Glass Was a Joke, Then the Joke Is On You
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:24am</span>
Mike Arney commented on Mike Arney's blog post Managing Your Health? There May Not Be an App for That
Jeff Fissel   .   Blog   .   <span class='date ' tip=''><i class='icon-time'></i>&nbsp;Jul 14, 2015 08:23am</span>
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